Actually, what it comes down to is GAY men don't want to be in the same situation as heterosexual women who married closeted gay men, they build a life, have children, and then BANG, one day hubby says, "i'm sorry honey, but i've been lieing to you and myself for years, i'm gay" and their relationship ends.
As i've said over and over, being bisexual, in my opinion (and experience because i called myself "bi" for years while i was married and figuring out my true self) is MORE about being comfortable having sex with men and women, but MUCH LESS about being ready to make a COMMITTMENT to a spouse of one sex or the other.
And, to be honest Hank, you're right, when you tell a gay man you're "bi" you ARE losing before getting out of the gate - because most gay men LOOKING for a relationship, don't want to give their hearts to a man who, at any time they are together, could say, "Actually, i think i want to be in a traditional male/female relationship."
It's good you're honest with guys, but perhaps it's time you really look deep in your own heart, and come to closure on the gender of the person you feel ready to make a committed relationship with.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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In my opinion you guys need to stop worrying about whether a guy is gay or bisexual and just either get on with seeing that person or move on. Its bad enough that we all get judged, without us then turning on bisexual people and doing the same stuff as some straight people do to us. Whats wrong with seeing a person for who they are and not what they are?
Personally I couldn't care less if a guy was gay or bisexual. I've dated a bisexual guy before and the only reason it didnt work was because he had a bad attitude towards other people, thats nothing to do with his sexuality though. Just because they can get feelings for both genders it doesn't mean they have to choose either....
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BobInTampa Wrote:And, to be honest Hank, you're right, when you tell a gay man you're "bi" you ARE losing before getting out of the gate - because most gay men LOOKING for a relationship, don't want to give their hearts to a man who, at any time they are together, could say, "Actually, i think i want to be in a traditional male/female relationship."
why would that happen ?
just because someone is capable of being attracted to either men or women doesn't mean that they won't be able to stay in a committed and monogamous relationship .
someone being bisexual does not mean that they are more likely than a gay (or straight) person to end a relationship to be with someone else .
a friend of mine has been in a relationship with a bisexual man for over ten years . is she worried about him leaving her for a man ? no , because she knows that his bisexuality doesn't have any effect on his ability to have and maintain relationships .
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Wow. I am surprised by how charged this topic is for some people. I have to admit that as a bisexual I could easily start to feel a little defensive. I didn't expect that in this forum.
Miles Prower Wrote:"Fence sitting" implies there's a choice to be made. Bi folks can't choose what they're attracted to anymore than anyone who's straight or gay. What they can choose is to be faithful to the one they're with. I agree 100% with Miles. I am not indecisive or vague about my sexuality. There simply is no fence for me.
Before we were married, my former wife had a brief relationship with a girlfriend. I suppose that makes her heteroflexible. As we deepened our relationship she shared that info with me and I shared that I was attracted to men, as well. We still chose to get married and were faithful to each other for 20 years.
Now I have a boyfriend who you could call homoflexible. We have talked extensively about our previous relationships. Sharing our pasts only adds to our understanding and trust of each other. That I identify as bisexual is not a threat to him or our relationship.
Some people do use the bisexual label as a "stepping stone" to accepting that they are gay or lesbian. Some people may feel confused about whether they want a relationship with men or women. Some people (like me) can feel fulfilled in a relationship with either, without longing for the other. Is that really so hard to accept?
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Corsac Wrote:In my opinion you guys need to stop worrying about whether a guy is gay or bisexual and just either get on with seeing that person or move on. Its bad enough that we all get judged, without us then turning on bisexual people and doing the same stuff as some straight people do to us. Whats wrong with seeing a person for who they are and not what they are?
I'm sure I wouldn't care if I came to know an individual, but why does the term "bisexual" have this stigma among gays, then?
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Geminize Wrote:Wow. I am surprised by how charged this topic is for some people. I have to admit that as a bisexual I could easily start to feel a little defensive. I didn't expect that in this forum.
I agree 100% with Miles. I am not indecisive or vague about my sexuality. There simply is no fence for me.
Before we were married, my former wife had a brief relationship with a girlfriend. I suppose that makes her heteroflexible. As we deepened our relationship she shared that info with me and I shared that I was attracted to men, as well. We still chose to get married and were faithful to each other for 20 years.
Now I have a boyfriend who you could call homoflexible. We have talked extensively about our previous relationships. Sharing our pasts only adds to our understanding and trust of each other. That I identify as bisexual is not a threat to him or our relationship.
Some people do use the bisexual label as a "stepping stone" to accepting that they are gay or lesbian. Some people may feel confused about whether they want a relationship with men or women. Some people (like me) can feel fulfilled in a relationship with either, without longing for the other. Is that really so hard to accept? You're saying bisexual functions on a level of contentment being with either gender, as opposed to functioning on whim or current desire, is that right? Like saying "I'm with who I'm with" and not "I'll be with anybody".
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BobInTampa Wrote:Actually, what it comes down to is GAY men don't want to be in the same situation as heterosexual women who married closeted gay men, they build a life, have children, and then BANG, one day hubby says, "i'm sorry honey, but i've been lieing to you and myself for years, i'm gay" and their relationship ends.
As i've said over and over, being bisexual, in my opinion (and experience because i called myself "bi" for years while i was married and figuring out my true self) is MORE about being comfortable having sex with men and women, but MUCH LESS about being ready to make a COMMITTMENT to a spouse of one sex or the other.
And, to be honest Hank, you're right, when you tell a gay man you're "bi" you ARE losing before getting out of the gate - because most gay men LOOKING for a relationship, don't want to give their hearts to a man who, at any time they are together, could say, "Actually, i think i want to be in a traditional male/female relationship."
It's good you're honest with guys, but perhaps it's time you really look deep in your own heart, and come to closure on the gender of the person you feel ready to make a committed relationship with. Sometimes you have to know the person quite well before you can decide that you want to live your life with them and have a partnership... It's not always easy, in any relationship, be it straight or gay... so... ?
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Counselor Wrote:I'm sure I wouldn't care if I came to know an individual, but why does the term "bisexual" have this stigma among gays, then?
Let someone who places that stigma on them tell you, I don't understand why people do it myself.
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Corsac Wrote:Let someone who places that stigma on them tell you, I don't understand why people do it myself.
Not understanding seems to be the common theme in this thread...
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Counselor Wrote:You're saying bisexual functions on a level of contentment being with either gender, as opposed to functioning on whim or current desire, is that right? Like saying "I'm with who I'm with" and not "I'll be with anybody". Exactly, Counselor! Being bi doesn't mean I am more susceptible to whims or desires. It simply means that gender alone does not limit to whom I feel attracted.
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