24 Year Old Virgin On First Date

[Hayden]

Thank you Pix for taking the time. You basically confirmed every worst half-understood fear of mine and answered the question I've been asking myself: "Why do I have a horrible, horrible feeling about this?"

I took all your guys' advice into consideration and decided to call her up and tell her that I'm just not in a good place to start a relationship right now.

She told me that I was mistaken in thinking that she has feelings for me and that she already has a partner and had been trying to figure a way to tell me that she only likes me as a friend. Now I honestly don't know what to think. Overall, I'm relieved, yet oddly distraught that I had misread signs so to such a degree. We still did what we were planning to do tonight, as friends, and I realized that we really don't have much chemistry anyway.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to help me out. I genuinely appreciate it.

[ThatRobGuy]

I'm relieved to hear that, Hayden. I think this would have not ended well for you. Someone else will come along whom you're just as into as this girl but doesn't bring the crazy. Just have patience.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Being around a person with illness - any illness, that is chronic and never going away requires a lot of compromise in ones life.

Regardless of the illness, your life will not be the same, and you will have to adapt to the illness, for the illness doesn't adapt to you. Ever.

Personally, I have been with others with 'conditions' and it was hard work. I was willing to do that work because of my innate caretaker personality (which is a sickness in its own right). I also took the time to read up and study what I was getting involved with.

Since you know the extra stuff that comes with her, I would strongly suggest that you study up a little and get an idea of what being with her means you would have to deal with. Do a fear less inventory of your ability to 'deal with' stuff and decide if you can actually function with these restrictions.

She most likely does make an awesome friend... but, you haven't really gotten to see the darker aspects of her condition(s). I can only assume that she has carefully shielded you from those because, as a friend, she cares enough to not inflict on you any potential horrors.

I would strongly suggest you get to know her and find out what she wants. If she is under treatment and really working on the issues, she most likely will reveal things to you if you can convince her you will not run away screaming.


That last may be a lot harder than you think. Understand most people who are told 'I have schizophrenia' run away simply because of the large amount of stereotypes attached to the ailment. So she most likely has an internal struggle about being open about that in her life.

[ceez]

I'm glad you didn't rush into it. My cousin married his girlfriend and didn't find out until after that she was bipolar, she stops taking her meds sometimes and eithef threatins to kill herself or treats him so bad he goes to see his parents in tears. Plus I'm pretty sure she's manipulating him in some way to stay with her even on the meds.

[Blue]

It will never be easy being in a re3lationship with someone that has issues. Some are a bit easier to cope with as a supporter than others but, it's never easy and, it can be even harder if you have your own issues to cope with as well. Not that it's a bad thing, if you are both willing to learn, and listen and, can realistically be there for each other when it's needed.

If she is being open with you, read, learn then go to her and ask questions. You can't be there if you don't know what she needs from you. And, unless you share the issue, don't pretend to understand entirely - you never will. You will to a degree, enough to be supportive and, good for her when she needs you but, if you haven't been there, you will never understand 100%.

[gilhooly]

I am gay and 66 years old. I have liked to live dangerously my whole life. At 22 I was still a virgin so I met a straight guy on 6/21/68 by the name of Tom. On 6/22/68 I convinced Tom to let me fuck him in the nude on the George Washington Bridge. He had just arrived in NYC from a small town in Iowa where he was engaged to be married. He absolutely loved being fucked on the bridge because I told him he was making his debut in NYC. "Tom, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere." The idea that thousands of people saw us fucking on the bridge as they drove by us made us really enjoy the orgasms we were having. It feels great to fuck in public places and feels very dangerous.

I fucked Tom all over Europe in 1969. I fucked Tom all over Ireland and England in 1970. I fucked Tom all over South America in 1971. Tom insisted he liked fucking girls and told me people he was straight. When I asked him which he liked better, he said he preferred being fucked by me. My hard cock in his ass felt better than his cock in a girl's vagina.

You are really taking chances with this strange girl. Tom died a millionaire in NYC and was given a eulogy by the mayor of the city for his contributions to the betterment of our town. I grinned and thought about all the semen I had poured into Tom. I convinced Tom that life in NY with a gay pagan like me was better than living in Iowa as a small town christian.

Pagans do it better than religious people. I have seen Tom twice since he died. He is waiting for me to join me in the afterlife. I can't wait to die. But he warned me not to push up the date by committing suicide or by getting myself killed in an act of violence. Tom was one guy who saw me fight. He said I was the most incredible man he ever saw in a fight. I always won, no matter how many opponents and never killed anyone. I handed out scars, broken ribs and various nasty pains but every one survived including me.

Try a guy< Hayden. Deep down guys love men better than girls do. It feels dangerous to be homosexual in a world dominated by rich straight guys who control Wall St. A strange woman is far more unhealthy for you than a strange gay guy.

Good luck.

[Hayden]

Gosh, gilhooly... I feel strangely privileged to be on the receiving end of one your comments/personal and historically revisionist grandiose sexual fantasy tangents. You are the weirdest thing I have ever seen on the internet. But you're also oddly sweet, well intentioned and extremely hilarious. Thanks.

Bowen Aerrow -

I too suffer from "innate caretaker personality syndrome." When I was a kid my mother would constantly cry on my shoulder about how horribly my father and brothers treated her. She would make me promise never to hurt her like they do. I would cry because I felt genuine sympathy for her. I realize now that that was not a nice thing to do to a kid, but because of it, I tend to be a very good listener and have had a number of friends who have gravitated to me who have a lot of serious issues for that very reason.

I had a feeling that this girl might have been interested in me for the same reason. Perhaps selfishly, I would like a relationship in which I don't have to take the role of therapist/caretaker. Ultimately, I think it has all worked out for the best. Part of the reason I was stressing about this situation so much was because I was afraid that I might have made her sad by telling her I wasn't interested, but she seemed quite amused with the whole situation since she was trying to figure out how to tell me the same thing.

[MisterTinkles]

There are VERY, VERY few people on this planet who truly understand the "Gomez and Morticia" mentality, relationship, and romance. I am one of those few.

Although I would not consider dating this girl, she would fascinate me to no end. Although Im not so keen on the cutting yourself part of her life, I find the other facets extremely exciting.

Most people misunderstand the concepts of normality. To me, "normal" is the most filthy, disgusting, disrespectful, and prejudiced thing you can call me. I am highly offended by anyone calling me "normal" or telling me I need to act or be "normal".

People who dont understand the "darker" side of thier natures, much less want to acknowledge them or face them, usually live with thier heads in the sand. Those few of us who can see that all of us are abnormal, weird, or some kind of freak in some way, can usually grasp the concept and reality of other levels of mental, psychological, and romantic states of mind.

I was once asked by a roommate what I considered the "ulitimate romantic gesture". I told him that any man who brought me a single black rose, would be proof positive he was for me. He looked at me like I was from another planet. He had also been brainwashed by all the BS out there about "color stipulation".....ie--pink is for girls, blue is for boys, black means death, red means love, and all that bullshit.

It is not uncommon for two people who have the "Gomez and Morticia" mentality to actually have a happy life together. They understand each other. They know the dangers and the rewards. They know what love actually is, not just the Hallmark concept of it.

Expect the unexpected. Be ready for ridicule by others. Be ready to be feared by others. Be ready to have to police called on you a lot. Be ready to answer all questions in a sane and respectful manner, otherwise some real lunatic who thinks its thier job to put "weirdos" away in the "nut house" might come after you.

As long as reality does play a part in her existence, you should be ok. But some people let the fantasy overtake the reality, and those people need assistance in daily living.

Pay attention to details. Pay attention to patterns in her life. Pay attention to how she reacts to everything. Use this knowledge to guide you on how to be around her, or with her....if it goes beyond a first date.

I wouldnt be worried about this guy she doesnt seem to care for. She might just be mad at him, or having a bad day.

Good luck.