Am I too nice to be in a relationship?

[Nick9]

Hi and welcome to GS

I don't know enough to judge your relationship. But to answer your question, yes, it is possible to be too nice.
Just like Pix has said.
It's very flattering at the beginning, but can become tying and tiring later. You can't just take care of your partner. You need to take care of yourself too. And he has to see that you are taking care of your needs. You need to "stand your ground" and sometimes to fight against your partner to take care of your needs.
He has to see that you have your selfesteem that you think nicely about yourself, that in a way you are proud of yourself.
You partner needs an equal partner, not only a giver. It's not pleasant to have a partner who always says, You are right, let's do it as you said.

I say again. That was not about your previous relationship. It was about the name of your thread.
I tried both - I am more happy to be a giver. I was in a relationship where the other person was a giver. Something in between is probably the best for the relationship. I know that I would be more happy to be a giver. But because I tried both, I understand that it can drive the other person up the wall after some time.

Good luck. I am sure you will find Him

[Mrmatty77]

Man, I wish I met a guy that was "too nice". From what you wrote, you seem like a very lovable person. Would be awesome to meet a guy like you with your niceness and preferences along the relationship line.

Dunno man, brush it off I guess. There's someone out there more deserving of a person like you. Would be be a shame to waste your kindness and loving self on a guy like that when so many others would love you so much more. Head up, you'll find someone soon.

[Beau]

Yeah man. I agree with Matty. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish. Remember, the most important person in this world is you. Who cares if others thought you made a good couple? This guy that wants to be "friends" and you need more. Dump him and move on. I know you'll do better.

[Rumble88]

There is no such thing as ''being too nice to be in a relationship''. You were with a douchebag thats all. Don't let it make you sad. And i agree with Matty too, i would love to meet someone ''too nice''.

[John]

This is one of those things that I just really don't understand. I know that sometimes things just don't work out for one reason or another. But the response I get from the last few people I have dated or tried to date just breaks my heart every time I hear it. I'm very selfless in my actions, not doting on my significant other, but at the core of my personality and my being I am a giver. I love to make others happy, and most of all am just very caring and attentive. That being said, here is what happened this time. . . I met a guy online, he messaged me saying he loved my profile and based on what I had written, we should talk. I'm very open about how I feel about hooking up or taking it slow etc. He wanted to take things slow as far as sex was concerned. Which thrilled me because I was wanting to do the same thing. We both wanted a committed monogamous relationship. Things were great, went out several times during the week, spent most of the night talking, holding hands, watching movies. Me playing with his hair, kissing when it felt right. It seemed perfect. Then out of the blue today during a "how is your day" conversation, BAM. I see this in a text message. That he loves spending time with me and I am very sweet and romantic. (here it comes) BUT. . . He wants to just be friends that way if he dates someone else I won't get mad or upset with him. Take it slow, and its ok if I date other guys just like he is doing. Oh and don't act funny or weird around him because he would hate to know he broke my heart. So obviously I let him know he did break my heart. I mean wow, I have heard the "we would be better friends" or " i just want to be friends" or like he said later after this conversaton " I want to be friends because I'm not ready for a relationship right now" OK then why place and ad, why say all the things I wanted to hear, why react to everything I do in a romantic way? What do I do? I get this "just be friends" thing all the time. What should I do, of course my friends are livid about it because I really really saw potential in our relationship. And whats weirder is that 5 of his close friends said how perfect we were together and how much he raved about me being the kindest and most considerate man he'd ever met. And he really needs someone like that.
Sorry for the lengthy post. I just don't know what to do, and crying isn't helping !

I'm having the same problems too..and he just told me that he has been with a guy for the past few months, WITHOUT telling me anything and he kept talking with me and i did so much of things (like making a puzzle as our anniversary gift) while he already been with another guy... he said he didn't want to hurt me more than he have to...so, i don't know.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Labguy, and to GaySpeak. I don't believe I have welcomed you before, but I apologise if this is a repeat. I think others have probably covered your conundrum pretty well already. My idea is that he's not ready to commit right now, and maybe he's dealing with issues of his own at the moment, issues that have nothing to do with you and who you are but more likely with who he is and what he's experienced before. Ok, I know this sounds rather trite.

Your relationship is still quite new, and each new relationship goes through some tentative periods, especially, I suppose, when both of you want to take things slowly. Is he in a rebound period? I think he's getting cold feet, maybe because, precisely he feels this is already involving him much deeper than he expected. The question is: how long can you give him before you decide to try something and someone else? Can you remain friends? Is there an advantage in it for you? At least, he sounds like he could be good support.

This is about timing, I think, timing that is slightly mismatched at the moment. Maybe you need to address this together and try to be honest about how you both feel. If he has any respect for you, he should be able to tell you why he can't commit in any other way. Maybe he's not feeling the chemistry as strongly as you are. Maybe he's, himself, afraid of being hurt and of making the wrong choice. It happens.
Good luck, in any case, with finding the right person for a relationship.

[princealbertofb]

Just a question, Labguy, why are you crying? Or more precisely, over what? Do you think you have the answer to this?

[Corona]

Thats a very nice personality trait, but most people do not appreciate it, they prefer schmoozers and bold people. As for the guy, be nicer