Finding life difficult!

[Ant]

Hi I'm Ant and I'm 25 years old and I haven't properly come out yet! I told a couple of people a few years ago from work, but they have since moved away and I rarely see them. It was a great feeling when I did tell them, but that feeling didn't last long. Even now, on the odd occassion that we meet up I still feel very uncomfortable although they know I'm gay! I thought that if I told them that they would be the people I would feel confident around and be able to talk to, but I don't! That worries me that even when I told people, I still didn't feel ok.I'm begining to think that I'm my own worst enemy!

I've recently moved from a small town to a city (with work) and I thought it would be a great oppotunity, but it hasn't gone well. In the past 2 months I'm not managed to make any new friends. My biggest problem is my lack of confidence, I don't feel like I can leave the house at times! I have a few friends where I use to live but no close/best friend. Over the years I'm not tried very hard to keep hold of the friendshis that I had. I think it was the fear of people finding out.

I have for a long time felt very low and recently it seems to be getting worst! I feel depressed everyday, I don't have the motivation that I use to for my job and everyday seems to be a big struggle. In the past year I have also began to with draw from my family (which they have noticed). I don't know why but I just don't want to see them and I kind of have a lot of anger and rage towards them and that just isn't me! We use to be so close.

I have rambled a bit there, but I could have written all night. I'm just after a bit of advice/support. Will my nightmare ever end?

Thanks

[Beau]

This is the place to talk about it Ant. Believe me I know where you are coming from. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I only just came out to coworkers and it was extremely tough. (There's a thread about it here somewhere.)

Confidence is the biggest enemy. Try making friends here and maybe that will translate over to real life as well. We've got a lot of brit's on this site.

[Counselor]

Welcome to Gayspeak!

It's good that you recognize there is a problem, it indicates that you want change, so I pose this question to you: what's stopping you?

[Rainbowmum]

Hi and welcome.

I could never understand the unnecessary pressure people put on themselves.
Maybe you are not comfortable enough to share as yet , or you may still not accept 100%.

Give this some time.

[Double007]

Hello and Welcome! You've come to the right place. First of all, I am kind of experiencing the same thing. I'm fairly closeted, only my cousin and a few gay friends that I have met recently. Some of my social opportunities have fallen through within the last few weeks and it's really taken it's toll. I want to go out and have fun with friends and I really want to meet someone special. I feel alone a lot and I often end up going out alone at times. It just plain sucks. I have always kind of been alone because of confidence issues or I just didn't fit in. It's hard to think about sometimes and I wish it was different. However, I have really taken up some hobbies and activities that really do help me get my mind off of how depressing life can be. I've started reading more, cooking, watching movies and just getting out to quiet places to reflect on how beautiful things are. More importantly, I have made sure to have conversations with people such as store clerks or cashiers. This has really helped my confidence level. They can't just call you a loser and tell you to get away from them. They kind of have to respond. It's been great for initiating conversations. Although, I haven't done it yet, I'm considering volunteering somewhere. It might seem hopeless, but ever since I decided to live, I have felt better. I know the pain of being alone, but I truly believe that I won't be all my life. I want to encourage you to keep your head up.

[Geminize]

Welcome Ant!

Moving to the city does offer more opportunities, but you have to be open to them and seek them out. Look for an LGBT support group, find a weekend volunteer position, ANYTHING to get involved with new people in a healthy way. Bring your troubles and triumphs here, as well. It's a good site for that.

[Ant]

Thanks everyone!

I do ask myself a lot of times "What's stopping me", but if I'm honest, I don't know the answer. I think maybe fear and the fact I don't have someone close for support.

I'm going to give volunteering a go. That should help meet new people.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond to my post

Ant

[Lalo]

I think that getting involved in a volunteering situation is great, but choose it wisely. Make sure that it is something that you feel passionate about! People find passion very interesting. And when the opportunity comes along to widen your social circle, fight the urge to say "no" and withdraw. Instead, throw yourself into the situation. Good luck Ant!

[Corona]

There is no point of coming out, it only brings trouble

[EvenOlderButWiser]

There is no point of coming out, it only brings trouble

No I don't believe that statement. Perhaps it brought trouble for you, but I think if you were to take a poll amongst forum members, a significant proportion (maybe even the majority) would say that its had a positive effect on their lives.

What I will say is that timing is everything, and an individual should never feel pressured into coming out for whatever reason. Its a very personal decision, and only the individual concerned will know if its the right thing to do, and how they want to do it (and to who)

If someone wants to come out i'd be more than happy to help them weigh up the pro's and con's of the decision, but its not my place, or yours, to tell them one way or another.

ObW
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