life or death situation, pretty fu*ked up

[strangerrr]

It sound like you are talking about a student loan and those place should take payments or just ruin your credit if you can't pay them. If it's a private company then you can file bankruptcy and it will be okay on your credit in 7 years but if it's the government then you probably can't do bankruptcy. Either way I'd talk to a lawyer and see if you can get help with that school bill to either make them take payments you can afford or file bankruptcy on it.

hello there. well i am not arab. i belong to a Turkish ethnic group that inhabited iraq hundreds of years ago, when the Ottoman Turkish empire occupied Iraq. and this organization supports our ethnic group. this organization is based in Iraq and in Iraq we don't have this credit system. it is so primitive there.

[princealbertofb]

Strangerr, to GaySpeak. I have not answered this thread before because I didn't really know how I could help you. It seems to me that for the moment your personal safety is more important than anything else and it would seem that if you try going home now to see your family, you will be in trouble, maybe not the death sentence but possibly a lot of discrimination. You don't need this now.
Have you managed to get your degree finally?
Can you work with your degree? Or even without your degree? What is your status in the country you are living in now?
I just wanted to tell you that it appears a lot of gays have to recreate their own families by making enough friends to replace the families that have disowned them, as your father has. Maybe you can keep in contact with your siblings and mother if you are still loved by them, otherwise, you might have to give them up. At least until you can find your bearings. It must be very difficult to have to manage without the support of a family, I know, but the help of strangers is sometimes preferable.
Good luck.

[strangerrr]

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. You need to put out of your mind the idea of ending your own life and instead focus on how you may rectify this situation and still remain safe. If you were smart enough to escape and gain refuge in the US - then you can work this out too.

Your post is a little hard to follow, so if you don't mind I would like to ask a few questions to hopefully give you some things to sort through.

First you are here in the US as an immigrant with refugee status correct? If so, you should have a case worker/ department, who is managing your case. You have access to some sort of funds, government benefits or you have some sort of work visa.

Perhaps you should take this situation (the repayment of tuition) to the person/department managing your case as a beginning. They may be able to negotiate with the organization that you owe the money to, keeping your place of residence secret from the organization and your family.

If this is not viable there are many advocacy groups ( free lawyers) who may be able to help you with the origination that you owe the money to and keep your location secret as well.

You post that you signed a "contract -like thing" did you keep a copy for yourself? If so make sure to take this with you when you are seeking help from the government agency that is overseeing your current status - or the advocacy group. If you did not keep a copy then you can give them the power to get a copy for you. This will help both you and the people assisting you understand what you agreed to.

You post you signed the contract in Iraq, then spent one year learning Turkish.

Aug. 2007 to Aug. 2008 learned Turkish - Did they pay for you to do that or give you living expenses?

Sept. 2008 to Feb 2009 - It would appear that they paid your tuition and possibly living expenses during that time????

From Feb/March 2009 to fall 2009 - where they paying your living expense as it does not seem from your post you were in school during that time? Are these three events what the 1.5 years of being a student made up of????

In Fall 2009 you had to flee - but don't say where you went - so I am sure you were not receiving and funds from them after you left.

Since Fall 2009 you have been on your own and have made your way to where your currently reside.

Until you actually know what you agreed to they can demand anything, harass your family, make threats; even if you were only a student for 1.5 years. It's what is on the paper work you signed that counts.

Once you find out the facts, you can then decide how you want to precede - I am very aware that different countries laws regarding debt it's repayment and or forgiveness are very different, so again, you would need the guidance from a representative here.

Right now you seem to be in the dark and really don't know your options/solutions. Once you do, you can inform your brother (if he is your contact) and proceed with your plans - he can inform your family.

You post "your family is destroyed because of you" I'm so sorry to here this, but you must take some kind of action to improve things and soon. I urge you to reach out to your case manager/ department or find an advocacy group that will help you to solve the problem or at least help you with some options and stay safe at the same time.

Please keep the faith - I'm sure you will find help if you reach out, there are many people/organization willing to work with people like you to help resolve difficult issues. You might try there are a lot of resources here.

thanks for this helpful comment.

first off, i am a resident now here. i am no longer a refugee. i even contacted the agency that is supposed to be in charge of my case for my green card, they said i should be on my own now. they didn't help me with that simple yet core responsibility. but i will try.

i don't have the contract with me. and they paid for all of my expenses from august 2007 to fall 2009. so, you do the math. also part of the money was paid as scholarship by the Turkish gov.
when i felt i am threatened, i went to the Turkish police. they gave basic protection, with a paper from the UN that cites i am a refugee in Turkey and until i leave Turkey to a third country, i should reside safely here. so i stayed in Turkey as a refugee from late 2009 to January 2012( and these 2 years were a real nightmare, i even started taking antidepressants. i developed hypertension. just thinking of that makes me feel depressed). i told the Turkish police about the money i got as a scholarship. they told me not to worry about it. but still, i went and met someone at the ministry of education (the Turkish department of education). he said the same thing, not to be worried, since i am a refugee now. and this whole thing happened in mid 2010.
well i signed the contract with a guarantor (i don't know if it is the word) this guarantor is my mother's cousin. i broke the contract; he gets to pay the penalty.
by coming out, i fucked up my life, i fucked up my family, even my cousin was fucked up because of me. i feel just like a parasite; i feel like i bit all the hands that were helping me.
do i deserve to live?

[Rainbowmum]

Hello Strangerr,

I am so sorry for your situation , but please do not go back .
Nothing is worth your life and I fear that if you return to the same place and abuse that almost made you end your life , you will not be able to handle it, it is a very volatile situation, and being pressured might just make you snap.

You have a responsibility to your self , and your safety should be your first priority.
I will not lie to you , it is going to be tough , but if you want freedom to be who you are , you must put yourself first, and if that means keeping away from your family so be it.

You have a choice to make , and I know it is a hard one , but you and you alone are the one that has to make it.

We may not be your family but we are all here for you.

[strangerrr]

@princealbertofb
thanks pal. i couldn't continue my education in turkey but i recently strated going to school here. i am planning to study business. it is very tough situation. i feel even if they renounced me, i should at least try to avoid them. but this situation will hurt them so badly. after all, i can't forget my life with them.

[strangerrr]

Hello Strangerr,

I am so sorry for your situation , but please do not go back .
Nothing is worth your life and I fear that if you return to the same place and abuse that almost made you end your life , you will not be able to handle it, it is a very volatile situation, and being pressured might just make you snap.

You have a responsibility to your self , and your safety should be your first priority.
I will not lie to you , it is going to be tough , but if you want freedom to be who you are , you must put yourself first, and if that means keeping away from your family so be it.

You have a choice to make , and I know it is a hard one , but you and you alone are the one that has to make it.

We may not be your family but we are all here for you.

thanks buddy for the support. i finally thought i got my life back on track again, but sometimes problems just appear from nowhere. i just don't want to hurt my family,

[princealbertofb]

If you can listen to these chapters from Far From The Tree, you will understand what I meant by having to recreate your own family...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01qw8dd for episode 1
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01qzctg for episode 2

[strangerrr]

Strangerr, to GaySpeak. I have not answered this thread before because I didn't really know how I could help you. It seems to me that for the moment your personal safety is more important than anything else and it would seem that if you try going home now to see your family, you will be in trouble, maybe not the death sentence but possibly a lot of discrimination. You don't need this now.
Have you managed to get your degree finally?
Can you work with your degree? Or even without your degree? What is your status in the country you are living in now?
I just wanted to tell you that it appears a lot of gays have to recreate their own families by making enough friends to replace the families that have disowned them, as your father has. Maybe you can keep in contact with your siblings and mother if you are still loved by them, otherwise, you might have to give them up. At least until you can find your bearings. It must be very difficult to have to manage without the support of a family, I know, but the help of strangers is sometimes preferable.
Good luck.

thanks pal. i feel sorry so badly for all the mess i caused. life is so easy when you are a str8 man in the middle east. i think i wasn't lucky enough to be one.

[princealbertofb]

Your father gave you life, and by so doing he became responsible for YOUR life, not the other way round. He has decided to disown you and to make your life difficult because he can't be intelligent and loving enough to find another solution. He doesn't deserve all this respect, although I would suggest you try to forgive him for being so stupid. Maybe his social circumstances don't make it easy for him either. But his capitulation over this problem just shows he's weak.
Accept his weakness and work on making yourself stronger. Once you are safe, you will be able to devote some of your time to setting the problems of the world right.
In my book, you didn't hurt your family, your family hurt you, they let you down completely, which is far worse. Don't regret leaving, it was your only solution for survival.

[strangerrr]

Your father gave you life, and by so doing he became responsible for YOUR life, not the other way round. He has decided to disown you and to make your life difficult because he can't be intelligent and loving enough to find another solution. He doesn't deserve all this respect, although I would suggest you try to forgive him for being so stupid. Maybe his social circumstances don't make it easy for him either. But his capitulation over this problem just shows he's weak.
Accept his weakness and work on making yourself stronger. Once you are safe, you will be able to devote some of your time to setting the problems of the world right.
In my book, you didn't hurt your family, your family hurt you, they let you down completely, which is far worse. Don't regret leaving, it was your only solution for survival.

to be honest, i cant blame them. you said it: Maybe his social circumstances don't make it easy for him either! this is so true. it is our fu*ked up society that ruins everything. i think if i were str8, i would've been just like the rest of my family. it is niether mine nor my family's fault. but both of us have to pay for it. how sad.