life or death situation, pretty fu*ked up

[princealbertofb]

You caused the mess??? I don't think so. If someone caused the mess, it was your parents for giving you life, maybe God, if you believe in him, for giving you life. But if God chooses, then we have to accept also that he doesn't make mistakes like giving people gay feelings and gay lives. Why it has to be tough on us is a mystery, but a lot of this comes from human stupidity and inability to work out how to live together rather than by opposing people who are different from us. The way you were educated was surely rather narrow- minded. Don't apologise for being you and for having the brains and heart to feel the feelings you are feeling and the desires you are experiencing too. Lucky for you, you got out of there before something terrible happened to you. You should try to focus on your future life now. Good luck, here's a for you.

[MisterTinkles]

First off, I want all other posters responding to you on here to know that there are these "organizations" over in the middle east that take severe advantage of people over there. These "organizations" range from human trafficing mafia to legitimate businesses. And sometimes its difficult to tell which is which until its too late.

And when signing one of these contracts, you are not only signing your life on the dotted line, you are signing your families as well.

Its like here in America, you go to get a loan, but they dont tell you ALL of the gory details about the loan, then you go to some school and for some reason drop out. Well, they are going to come after you for the remainder of the loan, no matter what you do. And if anyone cosigned the loan with you, they will be after them too. But they take it MUCH more serious over there.

As for our new friend that needs help....

Going back will not solve anything, it will only make things worse for you and your family.
Killing yourself will not solve anything either. What would your mother say? She would be even more hurt.

Its rough right now, and you had the courage to get away from it...all by yourself.

Now, you have to get yourself together, decided a course of action on how to get your life on track, and get a really good job. Then you can start sending payments to your mother. You can use a PO Box in another town as your address, so nobody knows where you are. You can wire your mother money when you have it.

Once you get your life going on track, you can call your mother and let her know you are going to start sending money to her for them and your bills. Dont call from home or your cell phone, call from a public phone someplace out of town. This way your call cant be traced to where you live.

The best thing you can do is see how you can get some sort of degree here in the states, so you can get a better job.

Once you start working, you might be able to get a personal loan and send it to your mother to pay off your loan with the organization. If you do this though, you might want to do it though a lawyers office, so its all done legally and you have witnesses to back up the fact that you paid off this organization.

Im sure you feel being gay has something to do with this, but it doesnt. Regardless of some stupid law of it being "illegal", it has nothing to do with your situation. A lot of people feel trapped and have to get out of a bad situation. Male, female, gay or straight......some people run from a very bad situation.

Your father doesnt like you anymore. Well, thats HIS problem. Apparently your mother and other family dont care, since they speak to you. So live for THEM. Work hard and make money so you can help make their lives a little better.

Who knows...maybe one day you will be great at the career you pick and can move your mother and family over here to live with you! Wouldnt that be nice?

Things may look bad, but there is always a way out of a bad situation.
Just like you left the middle east to get out of that bad situation, there is a way out of this situation.

You might talk to the immigration department to see if they have any ideas on what you can do.
You might also talk to some immigration lawyers to see what you can do.


If you need to talk, all of us are right here.


Dont worry, things WILL get better.

[HomeagainNYC]

thanks for this helpful comment.

first off, i am a resident now here. i am no longer a refugee. i even contacted the agency that is supposed to be in charge of my case for my green card, they said i should be on my own now. they didn't help me with that simple yet core responsibility. but i will try.

i don't have the contract with me. and they paid for all of my expenses from august 2007 to fall 2009. so, you do the math. also part of the money was paid as scholarship by the Turkish gov.
when i felt i am threatened, i went to the Turkish police. they gave basic protection, with a paper from the UN that cites i am a refugee in Turkey and until i leave Turkey to a third country, i should reside safely here. so i stayed in Turkey as a refugee from late 2009 to January 2012( and these 2 years were a real nightmare, i even started taking antidepressants. i developed hypertension. just thinking of that makes me feel depressed). i told the Turkish police about the money i got as a scholarship. they told me not to worry about it. but still, i went and met someone at the ministry of education (the Turkish department of education). he said the same thing, not to be worried, since i am a refugee now. and this whole thing happened in mid 2010.
well i signed the contract with a guarantor (i don't know if it is the word) this guarantor is my mother's cousin. i broke the contract; he gets to pay the penalty.
by coming out, i fucked up my life, i fucked up my family, even my cousin was fucked up because of me. i feel just like a parasite; i feel like i bit all the hands that were helping me.
do i deserve to live?

The question is not do you deserve to live, of course you do, but what can I do to correct this situation. I had a Turkish partner for 4 years so, I do have some idea of why you would think such a thing. You have dishonored no one, your reasons for leaving were real.

If you are a resident you have a chance to make money. This give you a path to fix the problem, some may disagree but as I see it it's the best solution to repair a lot issues; your family issue being the the most important. It won't be fast, but it will get the job done.

Get an advocate, you need one for your green card anyway, work out a plan and pay back the money - even if that takes 10 years - you will feel good about yourself every day; you will have honored/corrected the financial situation for your family. All your family will see what kind of man you are.

Remember - when you ask your uncle to co-sign - you have no idea that 2 years later you would be forced to flee - leaving this issued unresolved - now is your chance to begin the process of healing on many levels.


Allah büyüktür

[strangerrr]

well, my brother told me that they want a piece of paper in order to prove i am studying in America. once they get that paper, any official paper, they will forget about this whole deal. in other words, if i can prove that i left there for a better educational opportunity, my family is off the hock.
i believe my family didn't mention my situation, since being gay is extremely dishonoring thing in Iraq and i understand that.
the thing is, back in turkey i was studying a masters degree. while here i started as an undergrad. as degrees from Iraq are not credible. I hope it won't be a problem. also any paper i submit, they will have my address on it. bu i really can't let the poor guy, who trusted me, sink. he also has a family.
what do you think?

[MisterTinkles]

well, my brother told me that they want a piece of paper in order to prove i am studying in America. once they get that paper, any official paper, they will forget about this whole deal. in other words, if i can prove that i left there for a better educational opportunity, my family is off the hock.
i believe my family didn't mention my situation, since being gay is extremely dishonoring thing in Iraq and i understand that.
the thing is, back in turkey i was studying a masters degree. while here i started as an undergrad. as degrees from Iraq are not credible. I hope it won't be a problem. also any paper i submit, they will have my address on it. bu i really can't let the poor guy, who trusted me, sink. he also has a family.
what do you think?

If you are in school over here and all they want is proof that you are in school, then I think thats a very resonable accommodation on your part. I mean, anything to get your family off the hook for this loan, right?

You can always pay the loan back later, or make payments on it as you go.....just to show your good faith that you didnt just get up and run off for no reason. You know?

I would say, do what you have to do, in order to get them the paperwork they are asking for.
If that really will let your family off the hook, then I would think that is a minor inconvenience if your address is on there also. You can always move if they "come after you".

It really wouldnt matter if they know your address anyway, they would know what school you are going to.

I would work on getting them the paperwork they want. If you have to be in school for another year or two before you have the credentials they need, then write them a letter telling them thats what you are aiming for, and in the mean time, will they accept small payments from you until you can get them that paperwork.


Like I said before, there are ALWAYS some kind of ways to get around a problem.

[James]

Welcome to the states, Remember a few basic's if you don't take care of yourself you can help no one, comeing up with a plan of action maybe difficult but will be best in the long run. Killing yourself will not change anything which has already occured, plus your new family here would grieve for our loss. As it took time to get in this position it will take time to resolve, you may want to consult an attorney familiar with international law to see your avenue's of resolution. I have dug myself into problems before which took sometime to resolve, remember we all back you here, Jim

[strangerrr]

well guys, i just sent my enrollment verification papers to my brother and hopefully it will work. Thank you for all your support.

[ceez]

I hope everything wotks out for you, and I'm not sure if the other countrys you've been to have this but the U.S. has many payment plans to choose from for student loans. Just make sure you get the paper work in on time.

[strangerrr]

thank you, thank you, thank you sooooooooooooo much guys! it got solved with the papers i sent them. the only thing is that now my family knows where i live and go to school. but i try not to think about it.
again, you are awesome!