My friend is driving me emotionally insane, help!
02-27-2013, 01:36 AM
so, I apologize if this is somewhat lengthy. As the title suggests, I need advice on a situation where my friend is driving me bonkers. I'm completely at a loss and don't quite know what to do.
So, I will begin with a little bit of background. I first met this guy, who i'll call "B", a few years ago. We wren't really friends, rather acquaintances. I almost immediately called into his question, his sexuality. It's hard to explain, but I just picked up on something telling me that he was gay. I really didn't think much of it and just let it be. I would talk to him here or there, but really didn't make an effort to befriend him. I had no real interest in him romantically either.
Well, fast forward to about 9 months ago. I started seeing B more often, and began talking to him more and more. After getting to know him better, I realized that we have a lot in common and started to rather like his company. After another month or two, I started to pick up on things that seemed different. His eye contact with me was different, and he started to get kind of touchy feely, like patting me on the back or putting his arm around my shoulders. He's a rather shy, quiet, and awkward person, but around me, he was completely opposite. He would often follow me around and talk my ear off. At this point I was starting to develop something of a crush on him.
Well, still unsure of his orientation, but given the signs I had, I felt I needed to at least come out to him. At this point we still weren't really close friends, just work friends. (we work together. I know full well the complications of being in a relationship with a coworker and am prepared to deal with the ramifications) now i've been out to most of my coworkers for awhile, I just don't really talk about it. Late one evening I decided to tell him I was gay over text message. To my surprise he had known the whole time, making his eye contact and touchyness seem even more like a sign. At this point, I found a little courage and confessed my feelings to him.
In retrospect, this may have been a bad idea, but now it was out there. I didn't get a response until almost 2 days later. His response was pure defensiveness, though he never said he was straight, or that he wasn't gay. That was followed by a refusal to talk about it when I told him I owe him an explanation of why I thought he felt the same for me.
So at this point, i'm assuming I've alienated someone who was beginning to become a good friend. I figured he would be done with me altogether. To my surprise, he still talked to me. Actually we started to get alot closer. We began getting together outside of work. We've gone and seen a couple movies together. He started meeting and hanging out with my small, yet close group of friends. I was working on getting past my feelings for him and just being his friend. Well, here is where things changed further.
So we started to talk to each other even more often. Like every day often. We started playing video games on xbox live together. I had gotten a few texts from him saying good morning when he wakes up, or good night when he knows im going to sleep. Our conversations started getting longer and longer. some nights until the wee hours of the morning. He started calling me randomly just to talk. A few times after playing video games and talking over xbox live for several, he would call me afterwards and we would talk for another hour or two. So instead of my feelings subsiding like I wanted, I realized i was actually falling in love with him.
Now is where I'm getting very confused and he's driving me emotionally insane. For the last two months, we have talked to each other almost every day of the week. He calls me every day while he is driving to work. Then He calls me as soon as he's off work and we talk the whole time he's driving home. A few times, after he's been over, he will call me on his way home from my house, or when he gets home. I've also noticed that he will seem to get upset if I don't answer his calls or respond to his texts after so long. These are things that people in a relationship do, or at least, not things straight guys will do.
So here I am now, with probably the closest friend I've ever had, and only within the span of a few months. I am truly in love with him, and feel like we are a couple. My other friends think we are dating, as does my family. The connection we have is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. His actions tell me that he reciprocates my feelings. But, Every time i've tried to mention something about how i feel, he shuts down and refuses to talk about it. I just don't know what to think or what to do. He is a very important part of my life, and I know I am important to him. At this point though, I know that if it turns out he doesn't feel the same, the only way to get over him is to completely cut him out of my life. This is the very last thing I want to do as I know it will hurt him as much as me. I'm just lost. I am completely convinced, as are a few other mutual friends, that he is gay and has feelings for me. All because of his actions. After finding out that I have feelings for him, he has done all this. It is so emotionally draining, some days I can barely sort out my feelings. He's worked his way into the forefront of my mind. And, on the off chance I'm able to not think about him for a little while, he will call me and remind me of how i feel for him. I feel I'm losing my mind, and if I can't confront this it may end up killing me.
I'm sorry for the monstrous length of this and will be surprised if anyone reads it. I just need some advice on what I could do and where to go from here.
So, I will begin with a little bit of background. I first met this guy, who i'll call "B", a few years ago. We wren't really friends, rather acquaintances. I almost immediately called into his question, his sexuality. It's hard to explain, but I just picked up on something telling me that he was gay. I really didn't think much of it and just let it be. I would talk to him here or there, but really didn't make an effort to befriend him. I had no real interest in him romantically either.
Well, fast forward to about 9 months ago. I started seeing B more often, and began talking to him more and more. After getting to know him better, I realized that we have a lot in common and started to rather like his company. After another month or two, I started to pick up on things that seemed different. His eye contact with me was different, and he started to get kind of touchy feely, like patting me on the back or putting his arm around my shoulders. He's a rather shy, quiet, and awkward person, but around me, he was completely opposite. He would often follow me around and talk my ear off. At this point I was starting to develop something of a crush on him.
Well, still unsure of his orientation, but given the signs I had, I felt I needed to at least come out to him. At this point we still weren't really close friends, just work friends. (we work together. I know full well the complications of being in a relationship with a coworker and am prepared to deal with the ramifications) now i've been out to most of my coworkers for awhile, I just don't really talk about it. Late one evening I decided to tell him I was gay over text message. To my surprise he had known the whole time, making his eye contact and touchyness seem even more like a sign. At this point, I found a little courage and confessed my feelings to him.
In retrospect, this may have been a bad idea, but now it was out there. I didn't get a response until almost 2 days later. His response was pure defensiveness, though he never said he was straight, or that he wasn't gay. That was followed by a refusal to talk about it when I told him I owe him an explanation of why I thought he felt the same for me.
So at this point, i'm assuming I've alienated someone who was beginning to become a good friend. I figured he would be done with me altogether. To my surprise, he still talked to me. Actually we started to get alot closer. We began getting together outside of work. We've gone and seen a couple movies together. He started meeting and hanging out with my small, yet close group of friends. I was working on getting past my feelings for him and just being his friend. Well, here is where things changed further.
So we started to talk to each other even more often. Like every day often. We started playing video games on xbox live together. I had gotten a few texts from him saying good morning when he wakes up, or good night when he knows im going to sleep. Our conversations started getting longer and longer. some nights until the wee hours of the morning. He started calling me randomly just to talk. A few times after playing video games and talking over xbox live for several, he would call me afterwards and we would talk for another hour or two. So instead of my feelings subsiding like I wanted, I realized i was actually falling in love with him.
Now is where I'm getting very confused and he's driving me emotionally insane. For the last two months, we have talked to each other almost every day of the week. He calls me every day while he is driving to work. Then He calls me as soon as he's off work and we talk the whole time he's driving home. A few times, after he's been over, he will call me on his way home from my house, or when he gets home. I've also noticed that he will seem to get upset if I don't answer his calls or respond to his texts after so long. These are things that people in a relationship do, or at least, not things straight guys will do.
So here I am now, with probably the closest friend I've ever had, and only within the span of a few months. I am truly in love with him, and feel like we are a couple. My other friends think we are dating, as does my family. The connection we have is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. His actions tell me that he reciprocates my feelings. But, Every time i've tried to mention something about how i feel, he shuts down and refuses to talk about it. I just don't know what to think or what to do. He is a very important part of my life, and I know I am important to him. At this point though, I know that if it turns out he doesn't feel the same, the only way to get over him is to completely cut him out of my life. This is the very last thing I want to do as I know it will hurt him as much as me. I'm just lost. I am completely convinced, as are a few other mutual friends, that he is gay and has feelings for me. All because of his actions. After finding out that I have feelings for him, he has done all this. It is so emotionally draining, some days I can barely sort out my feelings. He's worked his way into the forefront of my mind. And, on the off chance I'm able to not think about him for a little while, he will call me and remind me of how i feel for him. I feel I'm losing my mind, and if I can't confront this it may end up killing me.
I'm sorry for the monstrous length of this and will be surprised if anyone reads it. I just need some advice on what I could do and where to go from here.
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Capricorn
