How are you today?

[archubbycub]

I have died and gone straight to heaven. I just spent the most amazing time with the most amazing man and all we did was make out! But it felt so good just too snuggle up next to him and let him hold me. Why in the hell did I ever try to pretend I was anything other than what I am and waste so much of my life trapped inside my own body and mind?

[ceez]

Confused, frustrated and feeling hopeless. Simplest to say I can't take it any more. I just feel like screaming, although I'm perfectly calm. Hard to describe really... Either living at my fathers home where I'm always feeling like worthless piece of shit or living at my mothers where I'm bugging so much on my bloody fucking step brother. Feels like I'm going mad literally, I just want to go as far away as possible, but how? Can't stop thinking about how nice it would be if I was no more, so I don't have to see, hear or experience one more single thing. Just a quiet empty void.

I know how that feels, I try to think of something positive or concentrate on one of my goals. I know it can be painful and lonely but you are not alone

[Jay]

A Bouquet of Flowers

My mom cooked a special cuisine for my colleagues to celebrate a festival. My friend/colleague, Vincent has been asking for this particular cuisine several times.

I know it wasn't easy to cook this particular cuisine as she had to start cooking from early morning. 6 am to be exact. To make it harder, she had to cook for a quite large number of people.

"Ma, it's okay. You don't need to cook for them if it's too much work. I can explain to them." I explained to my mom. I felt guilty of asking my mom to help me cook the special cuisine on the first place.

"It's okay. Besides your dad wants to eat it too." She answered whilst cutting and slicing lemon grass.

I also served my colleagues with a cake that was baked few days earlier by my sister.

My colleagues loved my mom's cook. They also loved my sister's cake.

To make the story short, my colleagues later found out my personal plan to buy my mom a bouquet of flowers. Not surprisingly everyone wants to share the cost. But I insisted to pay the most of it because she's my mom after all.

I then marched to a florist shop in a shopping center that is located right across my office. I discussed my plan with the florist. "I don't want roses as I have given my mom a bouquet of roses on her birthday (16 Aug). Can we try tulips? Mix them with other flowers."

Below are photo and short video of the flowers.



[VIMEO]48082518[/VIMEO]

My mom wasn't expecting anything in return. She cooked because she wanted to.

I presented my mom the bouquet of flowers, a thank you card with notes from my colleagues and a short thank you video from my colleagues.

Tears strolled from her eyes.

As for my sister, I accompanied her (Along with my mom) to a book fest today.

Job

My friends asked if I'm becoming a workaholic considering that I worked 21 days in a row without resting.

I said no. I was chasing datelines of multiple projects. I am not keen but job is job.

We are having a Melbourne property exhibition today and tomorrow. I as the company's designer has the responsibility to prepare and produce marketing/advertising materials. From newspaper ads, panel displays, brochure, invitation card etc.

We are launching two new property projects at once. That means double jobs for me.

I was informed by my boss that one of this weekend's property projects that we are exhibiting needs super extra 'caring'. The property developer is super perfectionist. A representative from the developer's company will come to Malaysia to inspect my work. Holy. My stress level went up for few short minutes.

The developers have given themes to the projects. I need to infuse the themes and what they want into the display panels etc.

Inspecting display panels sent by printing company





Setting up display panels in the exhibition room







I decided not to attend the exhibition (my attendance is not necessary) on both days. I don't want to touch my design job for two days. My brain needs a break.

Health Wise

After maintaining the same weight for almost 2 years, I decided to lose more weight. I already discussed this matter with my surgeon before I started my plan.

I think it's necessary to lower my fat percentage and to become more lean in order to make my surgeries easier.

I already lost 5 kg (11 lbs) since early this year. I need to lose few more pounds. In total I have lost 97 kg (213 lbs). 7 years of hard work.

I'm currently having a discussion with the owner of a gym (also a personal trainer) to elevate me to the next level.

[ceez]

Wow jay, maybe you should take a vacation after all of this is over.

[Jay]

Wow jay, maybe you should take a vacation after all of this is over.

I would love too, Ceez. My colleagues also asked me to do the same thing. But I think it's better for me to settle my surgeries etc first before thinking of sightseeing. I'm spending a huge number of money for my surgeries alone. I have to be wise managing my finance.

[adzie]

I'm so drunk but I pulled =]

[Jay]

I just realized that I have mixed up two guys for almost a year. One is gay and another one is straight. But they look alike. I swear they look alike.

The gay guy flirted with me before. I eventually introduced myself to one of these guys and got the guy's name. But now I realized that I have no idea who's who. Who did I introduce myself at? Who is Leonard? The gay guy or the straight guy?

The straight guy was in the building's lobby this morning. Both of us were waiting for an elevator. I was confused. "Is this the gay guy or the straight guy? Is this Leonard or not Leonard?" I asked myself.

He wore a red shirt. I noticed he has a belly. "That's weird. He didn't have belly when I saw him last week."

So we entered the elevator. I didn't dare to say hi as I was afraid that I got the wrong guy. But he smiled at me.

"Hi Leonard. How are you doing?" I said hello to him casually.

He smiled and made a body gesture to tell me that he was fine.

I said goodbye to him when I reached my floor. He mumbled something under his breath. I think he said, "Same to you."

I thought that was weird and awkward. But eh, maybe he was having a bad day.

Few hours later I took the elevator again to go the lobby. I stumbled into the second "Leonard".

"Hey there!" He gave me a broad smile.

I paused for a second and went, "Hey ... !"

Wait a minute. Didn't 'Leonard' wear a red shirt this morning. This guy wears a black t-shirt. And he has no freckles. And no belly.

That's when I figured out. Holy hell. I have mixed up two guys. And who is Leonard? The gay guy or the straight guy? Who did I almost flirt with on the second meet? Oh my, I flirted with the straight guy. I think. Yes, I did.

This whole incident is embarrassingly amusing.

[monk]

Drop-dead tired.

[Miles]

Jay that's an interesting situation to be in, I'm terrible at remembering names and faces and attaching the two, but when two people look very similar it's just :eek:. To say nothing of the added pressure of remembering which one you can flirt with and which one you can't. :tongue:

As for me I'm doing fine, just procrastinating on some reading and writing I should be doing...

[Kiid]

I'm good...
I saw my ex who looked depressed as he shook his head as he made sure he walked in my line of sight... I think I should feel bad but I have no sympathy. :V