Relationship with an older guy

[chazser]

Hi, im 28 years old asian guy. Even though i am asian from a conservative family. i am very openminded. i got scholarship and came to usa. i met few guys online and i had wex with them. Actually i prefer a relationship but (sorry if im stereotyping) the guys from dating site just want to have sex and i came out to a point when i think that for these people sex is just like a regular biological needs. when you are hungry for it, you should fulfill it and after that you can continue whatever your activity is without even noticing if the guy you slept with is exist. I am really fine with that and i have slept witg some guys.
FYI i always practice safe sex. until i met this guy. he seems like a cassanova guy and he told me that he is a relationships type person. he knew that i will leave usa soon, but he said that would be fine to have a relationship only for a while.

He said he wanted to be in relationship but he only text me once in a while. i know that he is busy. i know that he works 12 hours per day. but i admit that i am a needy person. i like to share about my daily life amd i want him to do the same thing because we live an hour apart and i dont have car. so he is the one who come and visit me. i dont think that he loves me that much and the reson why he said he wanted to be in relationship is because he only want fwb. i dont know how american culture see gay relationship and i am really confuse now. he is nice but my heart keeps on telling me that he just want to have sex with me. he never text sweet things like i miss you or i love you. is it normal in here? because in my country when people in relationship we always text sweet things to each other.

[LateBloomer]

Yes it's normal in America to text sweet things to each other when we're in a relationship.

But I'm sorry to say, what you have described here doesn't sound like a very significant relationship.

You said you must leave the country soon. This guy may be very kind to you and enjoy your company but he seems to be protecting BOTH you and himself from developing very deep feelings.

You live 1 hour apart, with no car.
And you are leaving the country soon.
These are very difficult conditions to grow a "loving" relationship.

Much better to save yourself the frustration and either end the relationship now before your feelings grow even more--OR--just be satisfied with the physical sex and hook ups that satisfy your biological needs.

Just an honest response from my perspective.
Good luck. You'll find someone one day.

[sheffield]

I agree with LateBloomer, you shouldn't expect too much, because the situation isn't really good to start a serious relationship.

[pellaz]

he is older than you? (not much mention of this), maybe he sees where things are headed.

Not a lot of gay social events where you live (small town) so you are doing well for your self; enjoy the people and times and give back something.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

In America lovers do the strangest of things, they hang on each others words, steal precious hours and minutes from work to (their poor company suffers) in order to text, call and do all sorts of things to tell and remind each other of their love.

I assume its like that for most humans in love.

Unfortunately American Gay Culture is pretty heavy into the hook-up - that is casual sex meetings. I do not know if that is the case for most of the world. I assume it is given the nature of the beast (men) and how men tend to not place that much importance on sex in an emotional way.

Apparently what you have here is a guy who wanted sex (only) and used the old standard lies to get into your pants/bed.

I fear that the best you can do is live and learn.

I personally have a 30 day no sex policy, which screens out most of the players. I make it perfectly clear that there will be no sex until I get to know them a lot better, and I also tell them that it is to screen out the players.

It is about 90% effective. There are the die-hards that will try to hold out to the end of the month in order to 'score' however the majority I have met tip their own hand by their behaviors and actions during the 30 days.

:Bighug: for you, I know you must be hurting. Sorry.

[TomStatic]

If your heart is telling you something you should listen to it before its to late, to me thats like a Psychic bond between your body and yourself telling you to back away from this dude, so yeah i think you should tell him that it is over and just move on

[dfiant]

I think you are being played. Some people will tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want.

The fact that you are in the US temporarily probably works well for him. With you he has a shag until you go home and all he has to say is 'I want a relationship.', and then when you go home, he won't remember you, he will just find another guy to shag.

Forget about this guy