Coming out (Bisexual, cheating, etc.)

[Liam]

I'm dating a guy for 3 weeks, and I love him. We are both closeted, and we try to keep this relationship to ourselves even while he lives with me.

We went to a party last week, and we both agreed to not kiss each other while in public there. He got drunk and despite of me warning him about the risks, he kissed me anyway.
I went through the whole week observing my friends while we were chatting to see if there was anything unusual on the way the behaved, trying to find out if they had seen us kissing. One of them was looking at me funny, so I think he knows...
Yesterday I joined my friends to play football, and we went to a table to grab some beers and chat afterwards. One of my friends (the one that was looking at me funny) came to the topic of "gay people". I think he meant no harm because most of my friends said they were ok with that, so I think he was trying to show us that our sexuality is no big deal.

We went to a party at my friend's house last night, and a girl approached me. She is hot, the kind of girl I like. But my bf was there, and I wouldn't ever cheat on purpose.
I went to talk to him, and he said that he thought that this would be a good opportunity to keep the appearances, thinking that I should kiss the girl.
So she approached me again, kissing my neck (HUGE turn on for me)... I then looked at my bf and he shook his head like he was saying "go on, do it".
So I kissed her and she stayed with me the whole night. I couldn't stop staring at my bf for a second, I knew he was sad and maybe heartbroken.

We came home after some hours, and we discussed about being closeted and the girl.
He said he knew I enjoyed it because he knows I'm bi and the girl was my type. Also, he said he knows the way I kiss when I want to and when I don't feel like kissing. He thinks I enjoyed seeing him hurt.
I can't deny her kiss was awesome, but I don't like her. I'm attracted to her, but that's all. No feelings at all.

I didn't like seeing him get hurt, I don't like that girl and me kissing her was also his idea!
My bf is my best friend and he is the best partner I could ever have, I just hoped we could be together not hiding anything. But I'm not ready to come completely out, and he also says he isn't.

I don't know what to do... I don't think we are ready to come out yet, even with our friend's support. But being closeted is also making our relationship fall off the tracks
I love him. I truly do, I've never loved anyone like this and I hate seeing him hurt. I know we have to come out, but what do you guys think we should do?!

[dfiant]

I stopped reading at this sentence

I'm dating a guy for 3 weeks, and I love him

Love doesn't happen in 3 weeks, usually not even 3 months.

What you are experiencing is lust.

How do I know?

LOVE means never cheating and never having to say sorry. Therefore, if you loved him, you wouldn't have cheated on him, even when he was urging you on.

BUT, you are 18, go and have some fun

[Counselor]

If I had the moral code I have now when I was 18, I would have told the girl her hair was out of place and her nail polish was chipped and her ass looked fat in those jeans just to keep her off me, because I wouldn't want my bf to think I'm mean.

[megumidesu]

i wouldn't consider it cheating if your boyfriend told you to do it ...

[Nick9]

*sigh*
Life can be complicated enough without playing those kind of games. You have a PM, Liam.

[Undreamt]

well its good that your open and honest and talk about these things.

It might be best to decide what the limit is if this sort of thing comes up again.

there is a difference between responding to a flirt and encouraging more, the fact that she was hanging around you meant that she thought there was a chance for more. Maybe you need to work on responding appropriately.

[bluefox4000]

After reading reading that....the cynical asshole in me has woken. Sorry but I just can't see love in 3 weeks. Furthermore. I'm in love....I would never ever kiss anyone else. But we're human and we fight monogamy every day. Talk it over. See we're you feel this is going. Hell maybe you guys do want an open relationship. You said he was looking said so my wager is he wouldn't want that. Talk and decide if this relationship is what you're ready for.

Mick

[HomeagainNYC]

When you try and manipulate - events and people - it never turns out well, no matter, if your - 18 or 81.

[Liam]

We both screwed up. It's not only my fault. But I think this secret has gone way too far, it's starting to get between us.

And dfiant, I know him longer than 3 weeks. That is just the period we've been seeing each other...

I might be wrong, but what I'm feeling is more intense that anything I've ever felt for someone. Maybe I'm wrong and I've never felt love indeed, but I care for him. I should have never done what I did.

[Liam]

well its good that your open and honest and talk about these things.

It might be best to decide what the limit is if this sort of thing comes up again.

there is a difference between responding to a flirt and encouraging more, the fact that she was hanging around you meant that she thought there was a chance for more. Maybe you need to work on responding appropriately.

I guess the worst is that I didn't stop her. I knew what I was doing was really wrong, even with my bf encouraging me, because I know these things hurt anyway.