Finding someone

[malcs]

Well having just started to come out ive realised, ive absloutly no idea where to start even looking for anyone to start any kind of relationship.

Think I would be to scared just to walk into the local gaybar, kinda just wana find a few frends and see where things go from there.

[marshlander]

To my mind that seems the best approach. A relationship will often appear from the most unexpected place, as happened to me. Get on with life, but keep your eyes open. There are many gay contact websites, but many of these are full of people wanting sex without the "risk" of a relationship. With care, you can have a lot of fun on the way and there are exceptions, but you may have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a Prince Charming. There are clearly some risks attached to this approach, so be careful if you take this route.

You come across as a nice young man and it is actually possible someone may like the personality you project in your online identity enough to start messaging you privately. Conversely, if you find yourself interested in anyone here you can pursue the PM angle yourself. I got to know my dear Prince Albert (a real life fairytale of frogs and princes ) through a message board such as this before we ever met outside the matrix! Even if nothing comes of it, it is always nice to receive a cheery (and sometimes flattering) message from someone you've never met (you know who you are ). Very good for the ego on occasions!

There are also gay social groups specialising in particular pursuits. In Norfolk we have a gay outdoor group that meets up to walk the countryside together or there is a choir in Norwich. In the cities you will undoubtedly find a wider range of activities - just not our beautiful Norfolk coast and countryside! There are a number of these groups listed on the Gay Times website (there are a few entries for Hampshire), or you can phone a local Gay Switchboard or Friends support group. There are also gay websites specialising in arranging social activites, which act as a balance to the sleazier offerings out there ... don't get me wrong, there is a place for sleaze, but maybe not if you are hoping for a relationship. Out in the UK is one such site, but it is subscription only I believe.

In the straight world people are able to make assumptions about each other, which we sometimes have to be a bit more careful about, but there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to meet up with people like you and eventually something is bound to blossom. Personally I think it is probably important not to dwell on the difficulties of it all and put yourself in those places where you stand some chance of success.

Good luck

[Smurlos]

Bravo! Very well said, Marshlander mile:

I must say, I've had many 'experiences' with people in RL... that I would never ever have thought 'swung that way' mile: - and it was very surprising - All it takes is for them to know that you are gay and they soon come out of the wood work mile:

Don't let anyone take the royal p!ss though.
I also find that a lot of my female friends, straight as you like, are more than happy to go to gay bars with me - they tend to be a lot more comfortable in their sexualities, so I'm sure if you maybe one day randomly mention it to any of your female friends, some of them will be willing to do you the honor of accompanying you to one for an evening mile:

[princealbertofb]

Malcs, you said you were a mechanic. It certainly can't be easy being gay in your line of work, maybe your mates take the piss out of you, or maybe they don't. Is it as macho as some of us would like to believe?

[Shadow]

You've already received a lot of good advice, so all I can really do is echo it and say that a forced hand in this type of matter (as with so many other things in life) usually yields poorer results than a considered and paced approach.

Don't rush, take your time - if you stop and look at what you've achieved already, you should take a moment to feel JUSTIFIABLY proud of yourself - you've started coming out to your mates, they've all taken it well, you've joined GS so you've now got access to the MYRIAD of posters, their perspectives and combined experience, wisdom and intellect ...

... from here where you choose to go is entirely up to you, but I would urge taking your time (easier to say than do sometimes, I know).

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[malcs]

Malcs, you said you were a mechanic. It certainly can't be easy being gay in your line of work, maybe your mates take the piss out of you, or maybe they don't. Is it as macho as some of us would like to believe?

Yes in genral the workshops are quite matcho lots of 18-40 year olds mainly with a few older chaps. However I left the workshop enviroment about 2 years ago, now I work on the roadside for one of the big Brakedown companies. So its not the same as being in a workshop still at the moment only one of my colauges knows and hes my best mate. I dont realy want to tell anyone at work just at the moment anyhows.

[malcs]

You've already received a lot of good advice, so all I can really do is echo it and say that a forced hand in this type of matter (as with so many other things in life) usually yields poorer results than a considered and paced approach.

Don't rush, take your time - if you stop and look at what you've achieved already, you should take a moment to feel JUSTIFIABLY proud of yourself - you've started coming out to your mates, they've all taken it well, you've joined GS so you've now got access to the MYRIAD of posters, their perspectives and combined experience, wisdom and intellect ...

... from here where you choose to go is entirely up to you, but I would urge taking your time (easier to say than do sometimes, I know).

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Cheers to every one on the forum you have all been amazing :biggrin: made the last week or 2 so much easyer for me its been grate reading through the post on here, your all very specal people

[princealbertofb]

.... However I left the workshop environment about 2 years ago, now I work on the roadside for one of the big Breakdown companies. So its not the same as being in a workshop. Still, at the moment only one of my colleagues knows and he's my best mate. I don't really want to tell anyone at work just at the moment anyhows.

Oh, now I see it... It's the roadside approach... I'm sure you'll make some interesting encounters doing your job on the roadside. I'm sure it's not really like that, but the way you do your job conjures up images from some very naughty films or books by Tom of Finland. Don't know why, they just do. Since you're in the situation to meet people who've broken down on the side of the road, chances are you'll meet someone sooner or later who'll be interested in a bit more than just having their car towed back to the garage... Just make sure that person isn't a lady... I'm sure there are plenty of ladies who break down on the side of the road just to see a handsome mechanic drive to their rescue. Lol.
All the best Malcs, I think Marshlander's advice is still your best bet for starters.