Help in long term relationship...
05-26-2013, 06:55 PM
Ok so this is my first time posting on a message board....
But I guess I just needed some advice on what to do with my relationship. Have been going out with a guy for about 8 years - first person I've lived in a relationship with.
I guess I'm not quite sure what to do. Truth is he;s always been more into me than the other way round. Haven't really had a problem with it but sometimes I wonder if I'm in the relationship more for him than for me. The problem (if it's a problem) is that he's a really really nice guy who I generally get on very well with. We have good (if infrequent) sex, he's pretty good looking etc. But I was thinking about how almost all the best times in my life have been when he isn't there. It's almost like I can't really be the real me when I'm around him. When I'm out with my friends I'm the life and soul of the party and just having a great laugh. When he's there, I always feel that I need to look after him as he's much more shy. As a result I change. And we're not really into the same music. I love sport, whereas he hates it. I get paid more (if only a bit), I'm more ambitious etc. whereas I think he's just happy as is. I feel like a total cock saying this but sometimes I kind of look down on him. Not that I think I'm better but I guess it's like I just want something more.
The truth is I'm feeling a bit trapped. I feel I have no right to moan as finding a decent guy isn't easy and essentially I've got a good one. Part of me is worried that if I leave him, I'll never find anyone as good. Besides, I don't want to hurt him for the sake of it.
Sometimes I think about having an affair or something but haven't ever gone through with it (I did once snog another guy years ago which I told him about). It's like I want to know whether it's the relationship that's the problem or whether there really is something better out there. Maybe just seeing someone else for a while would make me feel less trapped though I know that's not really the answer. And probably wouldn't have the guts to go through with it anyway.
So I'm not really sure what advice I'm asking for here. Not really anything you can say I guess but just wanted to put my words down as can't talk to anyone about it (If I talked to my friends they'd just be put in an awkward position)
Cheers for reading...
But I guess I just needed some advice on what to do with my relationship. Have been going out with a guy for about 8 years - first person I've lived in a relationship with.
I guess I'm not quite sure what to do. Truth is he;s always been more into me than the other way round. Haven't really had a problem with it but sometimes I wonder if I'm in the relationship more for him than for me. The problem (if it's a problem) is that he's a really really nice guy who I generally get on very well with. We have good (if infrequent) sex, he's pretty good looking etc. But I was thinking about how almost all the best times in my life have been when he isn't there. It's almost like I can't really be the real me when I'm around him. When I'm out with my friends I'm the life and soul of the party and just having a great laugh. When he's there, I always feel that I need to look after him as he's much more shy. As a result I change. And we're not really into the same music. I love sport, whereas he hates it. I get paid more (if only a bit), I'm more ambitious etc. whereas I think he's just happy as is. I feel like a total cock saying this but sometimes I kind of look down on him. Not that I think I'm better but I guess it's like I just want something more.
The truth is I'm feeling a bit trapped. I feel I have no right to moan as finding a decent guy isn't easy and essentially I've got a good one. Part of me is worried that if I leave him, I'll never find anyone as good. Besides, I don't want to hurt him for the sake of it.
Sometimes I think about having an affair or something but haven't ever gone through with it (I did once snog another guy years ago which I told him about). It's like I want to know whether it's the relationship that's the problem or whether there really is something better out there. Maybe just seeing someone else for a while would make me feel less trapped though I know that's not really the answer. And probably wouldn't have the guts to go through with it anyway.
So I'm not really sure what advice I'm asking for here. Not really anything you can say I guess but just wanted to put my words down as can't talk to anyone about it (If I talked to my friends they'd just be put in an awkward position)
Cheers for reading...
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
to GaySpeak. I hope you eventually find a solution to your predicament, but I think it all goes with having the balls to take up the issue with your boyfriend about what your future means to you, and to him, and seeing if that future is meant to belong to you as a couple or to you as individuals again. The road won't be easy, but you've got to face some of the rough times, or remain content and compromise, as Bowyn would probably say.
