Messed up friend with benefits relationship
05-28-2013, 02:54 AM
Lets forget for a moment that you all met on Grind'r - It is obvious he has a 'do as I say, not as I do' attitude which is inherently damaging to any form of relationship.
By doing what you feel is the 'wrong thing' you may have actually done what is not just the right thing but the best thing for you.
"Why do I always fall for the damaged ones? Lol."
Now are you asking that in jest, or do you feel there is some validity in that?
If you feel that you really are falling for the damaged ones, it may be time you start looking at the personalities/characters of the type of guy you are attracted to and see if you can figure out what it is exactly about those times that 'does it' for you.
Often enough people who find themselves falling for the same person over and over again (different people, same character/personality) it is because there is something about that type of person that gets their attention and sucks them in. Usually it is something good, or a short list of good that just happens to relate strongly to the rest of the defects of character that 'those types' tend to have.
Example: Abusers/Abused:
Abused people tend to find themselves falling for abusive individuals - Its not like they walk up and ask 'Hey, you don't happen to be an abusive person do you?' And fall in love when the person says yes. It is patterns in behavior and a set of personality traits which meets some need in the abused person's emotional make-up.
And in turn, people who have been abused have personalities/character traits that signal to potential abusers 'here is another victim'. Its not done intentionally, and for many they have no idea what it is they are doing.
Thus your own personality/character/behaviors may actually be drawing these 'damaged' guys to you.
http://www.google.com/#q=why+are+victims...55&bih=707 is based on the abuser/abused side of things - but as you will see there are many sites that touch on the subject and if you study you will find there are patterns and behaviors which are caused by past relationships (for the abused) which makes them more susceptible to end up in an abusive situation again.
I'm not saying you were or are in an abusive situation, but if you feel you are drawing a certain type of fellow to you, perhaps a foray into the psychology of how abusers/abused tend to match up again and again may give you some insight as to your own particular behaviors that may be signalling the next loser to your side.
By doing what you feel is the 'wrong thing' you may have actually done what is not just the right thing but the best thing for you.
"Why do I always fall for the damaged ones? Lol."
Now are you asking that in jest, or do you feel there is some validity in that?
If you feel that you really are falling for the damaged ones, it may be time you start looking at the personalities/characters of the type of guy you are attracted to and see if you can figure out what it is exactly about those times that 'does it' for you.
Often enough people who find themselves falling for the same person over and over again (different people, same character/personality) it is because there is something about that type of person that gets their attention and sucks them in. Usually it is something good, or a short list of good that just happens to relate strongly to the rest of the defects of character that 'those types' tend to have.
Example: Abusers/Abused:
Abused people tend to find themselves falling for abusive individuals - Its not like they walk up and ask 'Hey, you don't happen to be an abusive person do you?' And fall in love when the person says yes. It is patterns in behavior and a set of personality traits which meets some need in the abused person's emotional make-up.
And in turn, people who have been abused have personalities/character traits that signal to potential abusers 'here is another victim'. Its not done intentionally, and for many they have no idea what it is they are doing.
Thus your own personality/character/behaviors may actually be drawing these 'damaged' guys to you.
http://www.google.com/#q=why+are+victims...55&bih=707 is based on the abuser/abused side of things - but as you will see there are many sites that touch on the subject and if you study you will find there are patterns and behaviors which are caused by past relationships (for the abused) which makes them more susceptible to end up in an abusive situation again.
I'm not saying you were or are in an abusive situation, but if you feel you are drawing a certain type of fellow to you, perhaps a foray into the psychology of how abusers/abused tend to match up again and again may give you some insight as to your own particular behaviors that may be signalling the next loser to your side.
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