What went wrong with the relationship?

[JerseyBoy423]

So Im a guy and have been dating this guy for just about 3 months. I know it's not a long time but I really started to like the guy. We hit it off instantly. Soon after we first met we talked about what we were looking for. He mentioned he wasn't in a rush to get in a relationship but if the timing was right he would. As time went on we got really close. Especially after about a month and a half. We started acting like a couple (holding hands, kissing good bye, sleeping over, etc.) and then he even wanted me to meet his family which was a big step for me because I don't usually meet family unless its serious. I felt honored and went along and met the family. The family was great to me. They were open and said they liked me. My feelings were starting to escalate towards him and things were going good. He started to open up to me too about personal things like how right before we met he was diagnosed with bipolar and he was currently medicated. I told him I'm there for him if he ever needs anything. I don't know too much about bipolar disorder but I looked up different things online about it and how I could help him cope etc. things were going very well. Then about 2 1/2 months I went on vacation with my family. I didn't talk much to him that week while I was away. When I came back I noticed things were a bit different. He was acting differently. I had wanted him to come to a BBQ for my family since I went to a few of his family events so he could meet my family but he kept making excuses. I told him I wouldn't pressure him but inside I really wanted him to come. He started not responding to some of my texts and he's never done that before. I decided to bring everything up to him and tell him I really like him and want to make things official if he wanted too and to tell me what he was thinking but instead he told me he's not ready for a committed relationship and he has to take care of himself first before he could commit to someone. He said he just wanted to be friends. I told him I was sort of hurt and shocked. I feel like he led me on and then dumped me. He said NO that's not the case. He does like me and enjoyed everything but he just can't jump into a relationship right now. He also promised me it wasn't me and that I was a really good guy and also there was no one else. I'm usually good at telling lies and it seems like he's honest. But it doesn't make sense why the sudden change? I told him he hurt me and I needed time away to think if I could be just friends. I put a lot into this and really wanted it to work out. He said maybe in the future but now I can't. I need to focus on me. I'm pretty upset because I've been in a few one sided relationships and I was so excited to start this. Did I do something wrong? What's going through his head? If he really liked me why can't he let me help him figure things out? So confused

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Most likely the medication kicked in...

Medicated bi-polarism and unmedicated bi-polarism is two usually vastly states of mind.

The pills most likely had a profound impact on his emotions.

[JerseyBoy423]

Most likely the medication kicked in...

Medicated bi-polarism and unmedicated bi-polarism is two usually vastly states of mind.

The pills most likely had a profound impact on his emotions.

He's been medicated since before we met though.....I just don't get it.

[megumidesu]

He's been medicated since before we met though.....I just don't get it.

how long before ?
these things can take quite a long time to start having any effect ...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Levels. A lot of these new medications require a bit of time before they kick in fully.

Most likely the doctor has been slowly raising the dosage to find a 'therapeutic' level for the medication.

That can be a slow rise every month to every three months. a lot of these meds you hit your level and suddenly it 'clicks' into place and things chance perspective.

As an aside, most of these meds really mess with one's head - you feel dopey, crappy, punch drunk, forgetful and other side effects. Until one builds up a tolerance to the side effects any number of mood changes, emotional changes and even behavior changes can take place.

[JerseyBoy423]

Most likely the medication kicked in...

Medicated bi-polarism and unmedicated bi-polarism is two usually vastly states of mind.

The pills most likely had a profound impact on his emotions.

Levels. A lot of these new medications require a bit of time before they kick in fully.

Most likely the doctor has been slowly raising the dosage to find a 'therapeutic' level for the medication.

That can be a slow rise every month to every three months. a lot of these meds you hit your level and suddenly it 'clicks' into place and things chance perspective.

As an aside, most of these meds really mess with one's head - you feel dopey, crappy, punch drunk, forgetful and other side effects. Until one builds up a tolerance to the side effects any number of mood changes, emotional changes and even behavior changes can take place.

That makes sense he often does complain about being tired and forgetful lately. I'm just giving him space but it's hard for me. I guess I have no choice but to forget about him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I do not know what your choices are.

If you do care about him and do want more, then give it a month or so and see what happens.

I assume he is still on friends terms with you? If yes then be a friend and put no pressure on him to perform as a BF.

[LateBloomer]

He did you a favor by being direct and honest, especially just 3 months into it.

I've seen people strung along a lot longer and then dumped in a less "polite" manner.

Don't stop living your life for him. Find someone healthy, happy and ready.

[JerseyBoy423]

I do not know what your choices are.

If you do care about him and do want more, then give it a month or so and see what happens.

I assume he is still on friends terms with you? If yes then be a friend and put no pressure on him to perform as a BF.

At the moment we are not on speaking terms. I wanted him to know how I felt about the situation and first he tried to turn the tables like it was my fault for however reason and then when I went to explain myself even more he just ignored me like an immature idiot. My last words were I need to take time to myself to see if I can still be friends with you and I'll let you know. I do still care about him but him pushing me away is not helping anything . It just doesn't make sense...2 weeks ago everything was great. I went through a lot of soul searching before I met him because I've been cheated on, used, etc and he was the first person I let in years and now this? I really trusted him.....oh well such is life I guess....

[princealbertofb]

JerseyBoy, your experience with men has been one that has led you to doubt your own worth, and possibly that of others, which makes sense, I suppose. If this man is bi-polar, it is quite likely that this is one of his mood swings, or that this is the effect of the medication. If you are on good terms with his family, why don't you try talking to his mother, or father, or brother or sister, to someone who'd understand better what seems to be going on. Good relationships need work, trust and compromise, but also patience and time. Maybe it's too early yet to decide what's happening. Maybe you need to ask yourself whether you'd prefer to wait for him to re-evaluate your common situation or move on. Make a list of pros and cons, and see which outweighs the other. This is a time of trial for you, but maybe you're stronger than all that.
Good luck.