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I have with my partner for 3 years now. Overall, we are very happy. However....he is a workaholic (to the extent that he works via computer while we eat, watch TV, everything really) AND we haven't had sex in ~ 4 months because a medication he has to take lowers the libido. We have spoken to the doctor about it, but she says the medication is absolutely necessary but is working with him to find other medications to try and help. No luck so far.
I have never cheated on my partner, but I have been tempted. A couple of nights ago, when my partner was away on business, a young man my partner and I are friends with (a friend who I always suspected to be bi) called in the middle of the night. He had been out drinking with a co-worker and the co-worker had been arrested because of a warrant at a traffic stop very close to my house. The officer said that if I came and picked him up, he wouldn't have to spend the night in jail (he had been drinking).
After I picked him up, we spent the rest of the morning together. I have to admit that I really enjoyed someone paying attention to ME for a change...especially the flirting and the "friendly" petting. He was very VERY grateful for my help. In fact....he made it very plain he would like our friendship to be much closer than it is now.....my partner wouldn't even suspect him (the one time I said I thought our friend might be bi, my partner was convinced otherwise.
I really really love my partner. I really really miss sex. UGH. What would YOU do???
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Sex doesn't make a relationship...but it sure as hell helps! You partner is probably going through a lot of emotions right now as well, and I am not one to advocate cheating.
By the same token, 4 months is a long stretch to go with out.
Questions: To what degree are we talking about? He isn't able to get it up? He starts something and then can't finish? He doesn't try to start stuff at all? He shuts you down if you try to start stuff?
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"He doesn't try to start stuff at all? He shuts you down if you try to start stuff?"
Yes. ^that
He won't even talk about. I had to tell his doctor that it was going on and he wasn't happy with me for telling her.
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Maybe he is in denial? I think you would benefit from counseling. I just cannot advocate cheating. Sry. You guys need to talk, even if it takes getting professional help. My 2 cents.
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I would never cheat.
Try thinking a lot about how you would feel if your partner cheated on you.
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06-16-2013, 02:33 AM
(Edited 06-16-2013, 02:35 AM by Kenny221.)
If you really really love your partner, don't do it! I know this is a rough patch, and it's tempting but imagine how painful for your partner if he founds out! Don't even try and convince yourself 'But he won't find out!' because everyone knows that cheating will ALWAYS come to surface in any cheating relationship. Do you really wanna lose that trust between you and your partner? By the way, when the trust is gone...it's gone...for good. That trust will be forever replaced by suspicion ,regret and hate. I'm telling you right now...no matter how tempting it is, DON'T DO IT.
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Simple.....
Love vs A one night stand
One ends, another begins.
You choose.
Theres a woman at work who's husband takes med's that affect him exactly the same way.
She said they had a nice long talk about it one night. He was scared she would divorce him because he wasnt able to "get it up" anymore because of the meds.
She told him "honey, I married you because I love you, not just because you have a dick".
"If this is how it has to be for a while or forever, then if I have a problem with it, its MY problem, not yours".
They have been stress free since.
Maybe if you can get him to talk about it somehow, you can assure him you will wait. And if he has to be on these meds for the rest of his life, then you will find a way to deal with it.
Otherwise, it isnt love, its just infatuation. (and thats MY opinion)
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Anonymous Wrote:I have with my partner for 3 years now. Overall, we are very happy. However....he is a workaholic (to the extent that he works via computer while we eat, watch TV, everything really) AND we haven't had sex in ~ 4 months because a medication he has to take lowers the libido. We have spoken to the doctor about it, but she says the medication is absolutely necessary but is working with him to find other medications to try and help. No luck so far.
I have never cheated on my partner, but I have been tempted. A couple of nights ago, when my partner was away on business, a young man my partner and I are friends with (a friend who I always suspected to be bi) called in the middle of the night. He had been out drinking with a co-worker and the co-worker had been arrested because of a warrant at a traffic stop very close to my house. The officer said that if I came and picked him up, he wouldn't have to spend the night in jail (he had been drinking).
After I picked him up, we spent the rest of the morning together. I have to admit that I really enjoyed someone paying attention to ME for a change...especially the flirting and the "friendly" petting. He was very VERY grateful for my help. In fact....he made it very plain he would like our friendship to be much closer than it is now.....my partner wouldn't even suspect him (the one time I said I thought our friend might be bi, my partner was convinced otherwise.
I really really love my partner. I really really miss sex. UGH. What would YOU do???
I'd masturbate.
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Sounds to me as if you both need to sit down and have a serious chat about the physical side of your relationship.
Even if he's not talking about it, he's worrying about it, and all the while your wanting it.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but its generally accepted to be an integral part of the relationship. If its missing for one of both of you, then the temptation to go outside of the relationship can be overpowering no matter how much you love your other half.
Its great that you have talked about it with the doctor, but perhaps its time to start talking practicalities here...
Good Luck
ObW
X
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OlderButWiser Wrote:Sounds to me as if you both need to sit down and have a serious chat about the physical side of your relationship.
Even if he's not talking about it, he's worrying about it, and all the while your wanting it.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but its generally accepted to be an integral part of the relationship. If its missing for one of both of you, then the temptation to go outside of the relationship can be overpowering no matter how much you love your other half.
Its great that you have talked about it with the doctor, but perhaps its time to start talking practicalities here...
Good Luck
ObW
X
+1
cheating is instant death for a relationship, but perhapse if you open up the relaitonship a bit then you can have both
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