I need a little advice.

[Englishman]

I'm sorry my second post is a moan, but I have nowhere to turn.

I am 33 years old, and I have lived with my guy since turning 17.
We met at school when I was 12, he has been my 1 and only true love.
I love him, adore him, he is my best friend, my soul mate.

We had a 3 bedroom semi, a business, 2 cars, a dog, 2 cats, you know the full works.
We had a wedding booked, even talk of trying to adopt next year.

Everything has been like a dream, we have been so happy, never fighting, always happy to see each other, the sex was as varied and passionate as ever.

The 1 day in April I came home early, and I found him in bed with the neighbour.
He saw me, his face, well it must have matched mine.

I felt my heart burst at that moment, I couldn't say anything or even move.
I just picked up my wallet and car keys, got in the car and drove.
I drove more and more, ending up on the M5.
100's of miles later I was in Glasgow, so I booked into a travelodge, and spent 3 nights there.
I didn't even take my phone with me.

On the third day, I called Mum, and asked if I could have the spare room for a few weeks, until I sort myself out, of course she was more than happy.

So, 2 months on and my life is ruined.

I have only seen him once, despite his daily emails and calls, I can't bring myself to speak to him or reply to the email.

I walked away from everything, my house, job, friends, life, everything.
I am completely devastated, and have no idea how to pick myself up and move on.

33, living with Mum, unemployed, I am tragic.

[Nick9]

No, you are not tragic. You were betrayed.

It's hard to give you any advice. YOU know how you are feeling.

If it was me, I would work on the relationship and tried to get back together. I would not throw all those years out of the window (I've been with one partner for more than 20 years and it hasn't been rainbows and unicorns all the time)

I know many couples who made it work and managed to overcome the cheating. Yes, it's possible that it won't work.

I think that you have three options
stay where you are and pity yourself
move on
go back

If you feel ok with the fact that you won't see him again, work on your future life without him. If you long for him being a part of your future, go back and TALK. But you must decide soon. Otherwise, despite all those calls and emails of his, HE will move on.

[Dan1980]

I am sorry that your going through this. Your not tragic, you turned to the one person that you knew would be there for you. What he did was wrong but I think you need answers to why he did it and so on. You need to talk to him, to make your self feel better.

[Englishman]

I could never go back to him, cheating is the ultimate betrayal, something I could never forgive.

But yes, I do long for him, I miss him desperately, I want my life back.

He did wrong, but instead of punishing him, I am punishing myself. Why would I do that?

We shared everything, even friends, so I cant even turn to a friend.

I want my home back, my job, but he's there!

So instead I need to find a new home, in an area with million pound houses and no money, because I cut my joint account cards up.

I was offered a job... in kfc. Really, my life has dumped me at the kfc counter?

I just have no idea where to go from here or what to do.

[LONDONER]

Yes, you need and should expect answers. The only way that you are going to get those is to break the silence. As Nick said, you have three choices. The first one is pointless. Don't wallow in pity. The third seems sensible because if you don't open dialogue you wil never know. Once you know then you will be in a position to know whether to re-unite or move on.

[Nick9]

Well then, go back and fight to have your life back. Split everything you shared, talk about your situation and break up in the manner that allows for you to still live in the same city and see your friends.

It's up to YOU. I assure you I know that it is not easy. But if you want your life back, you will have to do something about it. Show him that you can live without him and be happy. Don't run away and cry that you are alone *hug*

[Dan1980]

Is your house owned by both of you? I don't think it's fair that he's still living there. Was the business yours?

[Englishman]

Thanks guys, I know you are right, of course you are.

But what worries me, is the minute I see him, I will fall for his charm instantly, agree to take him back, but secretly detests him for what he did, then end up back here again.

I sound weak, but after dedicating my life to him for 17 years, that is exactly what will happen, that is why I can't see him.

[Dan1980]

I understand that but he's got everything. As Nick says you need to fight for what's yours. You should split everything.

[Englishman]

I know, and in time of course I will.

But that makes it all so final.