Hoping to Come Out of the Closet....

[ozzy4876]

I'm new to this forum, but I've noticed that everyone has a unique story to tell. My coming out story hasn't happened yet which only makes me want to come out even more. I feel so weak and unable to say anything to my mom, sister, aunt, and most of all, my brother. They've always been there and have suspected on several occasions that I've been into guys, but I always denied the accusations.

I fell in love with this "amazing" guy that showed me how to be myself. His lips, his weird mannerisms made me so addicted to him. I felt happy. For once, I wasn't so confused with my sexuality, I embraced it. Although, we were together as a couple, I wanted to come out of the closet for this guy, but he could never do the same. Our relationship was hidden which was fun at first. Afterwards, things changed and he changed his entire outlook in life especially that way he looked me. I'm 19 and still trying to find that great guy.

I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm okay with that. I just scared of coming out on my own. Does anyone think that I should wait until I find a good guy before I come out so it can be easier, if that even makes sense? Unless people agree that I should man up and do it already. Just so people know, I live with my mom, sister, and brother. My family is very conservative and religious, but I fear that their religious views are going to make this a huge battle for me finally coming out. I want to be able to say that I have a coming out story soon. I just need people's opinion on what I should I do?

[LONDONER]

It's obvious that you will have to come out at some time or other if you wish to continue to be you and to be able to live the life you want. That said, you're only 19 and maye you might want to wait[ until such time that you can be fully independant in case your family reacts badly. I understand that it might seem a daunting task if your family is so conservative and religious and you can never know what their reaction is going to be. You have expressed a specific desire to come out so maybe you will have to take the bull by the horns but if I were you, I would wait a little.

I am sure that later on today there will be others who will give you maybe even better advice.

[Geminize]

Oz, one thing you'll hear on this forum over and over is that everyone's timing for coming out is very personal. It depends on many different factors. You sound motivated, like the discomfort of not being able to be fully yourself may soon be more unbearable than the fear of your family's reaction.

You're right, it is a nice thing to have a partner to help you through the process. That can be a huge comfort. However, it may be a lot easier to find a good guy once you are out. It's best to have some sort of support when you are ready to take that step; a trusted friend or two (or more), or a LGBT support group if there is such a thing in your area.

In any case, good luck. I look forward to reading your coming out story!

[naterin13]

I don't think there's a certain time when someone should come out; just do it when it feels right for you. It looks like your motivation for doing so is so that you can find someone to love without having to hide the relationship. That's what it sounds like to me, at least. In that case, I would wait for the right guy. It helps to have someone to root for you and give you support when necessary.

But I would also suggest maybe coming out to an individual first rather than everyone at once. Come out to the person you trust and feel most comfortable with, and that would act as a stepping stone to being a "fully-realized gay", haha. In any case, I found that going to LGBT centers around my city, or getting involved in gay community events (I did softball) helped in making me realize that my sexuality wasn't a big factor in my life. If you're in an environment where you know strangers aren't going to judge you, it can help making "coming out" easier.

Just think through it and take whatever action you think is best, even if it means waiting to come out to your family when you're independent, as suggested by the folks above me. Good luck!

[kidchameleon]

I think the most important thing I could really say is not to rush yourself. While obviously "coming out" is a clear goal, you shouldn't feel you need to just because it's the oft-done thing.

Take your time if you feel the need to, and maybe lay some ground-work with your family first if you feel it might take them some time to get used to - however, if they already suspect things, and aren't acting any differently towards you, then you might already be in the perfect position to come out already.

Personally, my mother had been suspicious for a year or two at least before I had come to terms with it myself. And even though I denied it every time it popped into the conversation, when I finally did come out she wasn't the least surprised.

Nonetheless, I think your point about waiting till you have someone, to make coming out easier, is a good one - but not a necessary one. However, if you feel like there's a chance in their reaction being less than positive, it might be nice to have someone ready to give you emotional support if it doesn't go too well.

However, at the end of the day, when you're ready you're ready - and if this is something you want to do, there's no time like the present I would recommend coming out to your family members one-at-a-time, so as to ease the "transition", and hopefully give you time to address any bumps on the way.

Also, doing it that way might help ease the "awkwardness" of the situation (although, of course, it will mean giving the same speech over and over again, but at least then it reduces the risk of it turning into a big family-wide discussion).

Of course, if you want to get it all over and done with, there's nothing quite like a quick "rip-off-the-plaster" announcement in front of the entire household. Just be prepared for the potential "we knew it all alongs", etc.

And lucky for you, you've got siblings! Which means you should hopefully be able to avoid the horrible "oh, now I'll never have grandchildren" conversation that I had to endure with my mother xD

Anyway, I wish you luck with whatever way you choose to do it, and whenever. And look forward to reading your story on the forums sometime

[pellaz]

welcome to the forum
wait till your financially stable and have your own place.