Relationship failure

[Anonymous]

So....Im 24 and had 2 serious relationships. Both have sadly broken down...Failed.

The first one i was young, From 16-18 yrs old. At the time it felt like love and it tore me up when we split.
I blame myself for that one, I was imature and had a tendancy to tell a few white lies so i could go to partys and smoke a little weed. Which my then boyfriend was dead against.

As per usual with lies....they were found out. And i got dumped basically.

Although i did feel like i had learned a lesson and vowed to never make the same mistake in any future relationships.

Now... The 2nd relationship was a totaly different league and is still pretty raw in my heart. I fell deeply in love with this lad. There was genuinly nothing i wouldnt do for him. And still would do anything for him today.
I was 19 when i got with him and we had the "soul mate" connection. Everything about us just worked!
We had a good sex life and this lasted throughout the relationship right untill the last month or so.

Basically we had our fair share of arguments in the later stages and on one occasion we had a minor scuffle. We even managed to sit and talk about that particular incident afterwards and we were able to get past it and things were sort of back on track.

Alot of the arguments were about his mistrust toward me. Him thinking i was cheating on him or lying about seeing certain people who we agreed i would not have contact with. And to be fair he had valid reasons for not wanting me to see them. Sexual history etc. (we all do it lol)

Anyway....come july this year i noticed a massive change in the chemistry between us. I seemed to be doing all the trying and he just seemed to loose all interest in me.
Instead of the usual visit every day ...(he lives with parents still) ...it had turned into 1 visit every 3 days.
And even then he was mega cold toward me. And even though i tried my best to get to the bottom of it, asking him whats bothering him...reasuring him im there for him if he needs to talk etc. I was ALWAYS greated with the same cold shoulder. "Im fine" or "stop asking"
So then i figured maybe its better to do exactly that...i stopped asking.

All of a sudden...i dont care. I never ask how he is or im never there for him lol.
Cracked me up tbh lmao.

Anyway, August comes...and things just got a little crazy!
I was told daily that i am a liar and he knows i am lying about something.
Which to my knowledge i genuinly was not. I learned my lesson from the past relationship and i was 100% honest with him...all the time!
Even when i would ask him to please tell me what he thinks i am lying about he would say... "you know what your doing, im not giving you the satisfaction of telling you"
OR
"I'm not telling you because i want you to admit it"

So naturally by this time i was really really racking my brains...trying to think what i could possibly have done. I know in my heart that iv been always faithfull to him. Sex was great i didnt need another lover.
I could not ever figure out what it was im suposed to have done.

Anyway moving on...Middle of august...its the day of my 24th birthday, everyone has gathered to have me a little party at a relatives house. All the brothers and sister, mum n dad etc.

So i head off to my party and he txts to say happy birthday and he will be at the party soon after a shower or whatever.
He arrives about an hour and half after me which is nothing unusual. Everyone seems happy and having a laugh, doing the usual socialising.
Then about an hour after arriving the bf starts telling me he isnt feeling too clever so he's going to head of home soon.
Half hour later he was gone.
Thats the last i have seen of him

All i got was a txt saying something like...you had the chance to be honest. I dont love you anymore. its over.

So i tried and tried to call him...txt him...i sent him messages on facebook and all were ignored.
After a week of trying to get hold of him in a casual and calm way so as not to be harrassing him...his facebook was deleted...mobile number is closed down and theres no way to contact him.
So basically iv accepted that he must genuinly believe i have done wrong and its over. Im torn up by it. Hurts like nothing iv felt before for anyone. But im a pretty strong guy so il recover and move on in time.

I am however left still not knowing what i did actually do. or what it is thats lead him to believe iv done wrong. So thats a bit hard to deal with.

Im begining to think that im just not meant to be in a relationship. I thought he was the one and i dont actually see myself getting with anyone else without always comparing them to him. I still love him madly and i dont think its going away anytime soon.

In my heart im wishing for him to come and see me. Talk to me and do my best to sort this mess out.
But in my head i know thats not likely to happen.

Im at a rough end in life atm. I Just cant see a way forward.

Really needed to get this off my chest. Thanks if you have taken the time to read it

[dfiant1]

You don't delete your facebook and change your phone number if you are being 100% transparent.

I'm just saying.

[Matt]

Sounds like reverse psychology to me. It was probably HIM how was doing the lying and cheating.

I've thought this many a time, that it's me. I'm not good in relationships, etc. And guess what. The problem isn't me it's the people I date. Give yourself some time to heal and get back on the horse.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm sorry - not that I caused this break-up - I am empathizing.

If he is not going to communicate nor leave an avenue to talk through then its over - really over.

The best you can do is go through the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance - and perhaps the 6th which is 'stupid' - doing something stupid due to how it all makes you feel - stupid can be get to drunk, do a rebound relationship - you know stupid stuff.

Eventually you will reach acceptance and 'move on'.


One thing you 20-somethings don't understand is that your in that time of adulthood of major changes and consciousness shifts. Y'all are growing phenomenally fast as 'adults'. You enter adulthood with a child's perspective, have certain ideas and dreams about what the real world is like, then you have to relearn pretty much everything you think you know and that is through experiences - which like this particular experience can be pretty harsh.

So both of you were/are going through major changes, life was teaching you more about self, more about other humans, more about priorities, needs/wants, blah blah blah. This changes what a person wants/needs, how they view self and how they view their niche in the natural order.

The reality is that most relationships started in the late teens through the 20's fail far more often than later in life. Its not that 30+ year olds are settling (it looks like it) its that after the first decade most humans have had enough experiences to know all of this 'stuff' better and many come to accept universal unspoken truths.

Eventually you will hit your stride, you will figure out who you are and figure out how other people tick enough to 'get' whatever it is you need to get in and from a relationship. Hopefully you will meet a guy who is at that place in his life thus you two can have a long term relationship that is decent.

[boypt]

Hey there... I also had my share of failed long-term relationships. The latest one finished at the beguinning of this summer and it is still hurting . I know its hard to forget someone who we loved with all our heart but what I usually do is to find support in my friends and family and eventually, with time, its easier to forget him. You're young, you still have a full life in front of you, have fun and when you least expect you'll find someone who will make you feel happy once again