Should i pursue this?

[Axanderb]

I work w/ my ex and his new boyfriend at one of my jobs. I work there 1 to 2 days a week and usually I don't see them, but when I do...I get physically ill upon just seeing them. I'll literally be stricken with feelings of fear and anxiety and I avert my eyes and get really quiet and start to feel like I have a lump in my throat. And then for several days after I can't get the feeling out of my head. I'll spend my time alone mentally reliving the drama. I DREAD working there now and it's super awkward. Our job is pretty team oriented.

My question is whether I should try and open up a discussion to try to make things less awkward. Talk about what happened on halloween (the majority of our drama) and try to come to some kind of conclusion that will make it easier for us to work together. It sounds like a terrible idea on paper but idk how to work my way out of these feelings because at this point they are becoming kind of Debilitating in certain facets of my living.

I don't necessarily want to be friends with him but I feel like we should try to create an associate level dialogue.

and before anyone mentions it...I've definately learned to NOT date someone you work with.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

As long as they are not rubbing the new relationship in your face, I would just try and be polite and encourage casual interaction, but nothing else.

Irrespective of the fact that you dated someone at work, someone is always going to heel pretty shitty when a relationship breaks up, however most people then become distant or sever contact. You don't have that luxury, so I suspect the way you are feeling may continue for a little while, at least until you get yourself a new bf.

I wouldn't bring up the "Halloween" incident in detail, as it will just rake up all the issues again. If your feeling brave (I don't know who's fault the halloween incident was) You could just say something around the likes of " I just wanted to clear the air and let you know that I'm over what happened at halloween, regardless of whose fault it was. Id like us to at least be able to chat at work etc without feeling award and I hope you feel the same." Shake hands and then go about your work.

Good luck.

ObW
X

[mbennet35]

I agree with ObW if they are not rubbing it in your face I think maybe it would be good to somehow talk with him and clear the air so you can make your work enviroment good. Because having you suffer every time you see them is not good.

I have never dealt with something like this so not sure if I am much help. but you can also PM if you need to talk.

[Axanderb]

So tonight actually while i was at work he invited me to dinner...what his intentions were i wasn't sure but i went to open a dialogue that i felt was long needed. the beginning of the dinner was awkward...all i could do was ask him basic questions about his life and what was going on, he did the same.

But near the end of the dinner he finally dropped the hint at what he wanted to talk about and told him exactly how i was feeling.

Idk if he really cared but i feel like talking made me feel better.

i'm hoping, going forward, things will be easier at work.


The only thing that worries me is that he didn't tell his current BF. that he was at dinner with me. IDK what that means but i don't plan on going again.