Feelings of unworthyness and it's effects on my lovelife.

[Axanderb]

I've been away from Gayspeak for quite a while, I underwent surgery, I've been working, and I've been trying to work on myself. But needless to say I'm a big messy sleepless snowball of emotions and overthinking and it's all stemming from my horrible sense of self esteem. If I had low self esteem before i went through my breakup, I don't even know if I have any left at this point lol. I value myself for my merits and accomplishments up until the point where I start picking myself apart for everything i couldn't and still can't live up to.

I'm seeking professional help through a local counseling center because I really do feel like I have a serious issue at hand. But It's taking time...too much time. I feel like I want to start trying to date again or even just make a few friends. But I'm honestly my own worst enemy and often decide, out of fear of rejection, that these various people I'm interested in will have nothing to do with me because i'm a minimum wage employed College dropout who's kind of a slob and loves too hard. Basically...I feel unworthy of anything good and I don't really know how to change my thought process on this without some assistance.

Which brings me to my question, Hopefully you read this far lol.

If you've ever battled with the feeling of being unworthy, or an unhealthy amount of guilt over things that are out of your control, How did you deal with them? And How did you meet new people (love interests or platonic) if you had a very busy schedule?


Thank you for reading and responding.
~Alex.

[southbiochem]

First: yes, go through with therapy, as I fear you won't do well in any relationship until you sort that out..

failed relationships will have to do with your self esteem issues and not the college drop-out minimum wage thing..

you should really work on yourself, with assistance, therapy, counseling before you date again, in my opinion

on the other hand, making friends can help you with that..I have no way of helping you on meeting new people though...I tend to suck at life in general outside of work

Now....Feelings of unworthiness? Everyday...there just part of me by now..

I deal with them working and not thinking about anything else..work tends to occupy my head long enough to do that and then I'm just too tired to think about self-esteem

I would suggest also, that you set for yourself short term achievable goals, little things you can accomplish so you start feeling like you CAN do things..

have you though about a technical career? they tend to be short.

Anyway...best of lucks..let us know how you're doing

[Eth21]

Aww I feel for ya!! But getting help is the best thing!!
I struggled with low self esteem for years but it got worse over the last year and came to ahead during the summer when I decided enough was enough and something had to change. For me I think the reasons might be different but joining GS really helped and I by chance ended up making some new friends. Reading this back it's prob not very helpful but I kinda know we're your coming from and wish you all the best. Let us know how you get on.

[sitchblap]

feel better

[justbry87]

I have similar issues as you do, I go through it every day.

I'm still a work in progress, but my advice would be to focus on yourself,
find out what you really want to do in life. You can always find friends everywhere,
and the boyfriend will come with time.

I still get days when everything is just off, when my self-esteem is pretty much
non-existant and when I can't even really look at myself on the mirror. When I
get this way I try to think of all the things I have in life, not just material things, but
things that I'm blessed with and learn to be content and be thankful for them. I also
make big deals of small victories, even if they seem insignificant.

You're right though, you are your own worst enemy, but at the same time
you're your own best savior.

I had a lot of the same questions earlier in the year, so a lot of 2013
was spent in figuring myself out, what I want to do, where I want to be and
where I want to go. I'm happy to say that I've found some answers to those
questions just before 2014 begins and I'm sure you'll find your answers too.

Just gotta be patient..

I hope this helps some. Good luck :]

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hey Alex,

Sorry to hear about your predicament man.

May I ask a question - are you out to friends and family?

The reason I ask is some of the symptoms your talking about I've experienced, and subsequently found out that they were mainly due to that old problem of not accepting (and being happy) with who I was. Once Id gotten over the whole fear of being rejected because I was gay, it was all down hill from there, barring a few minor bumps on the road.

Good luck

ObW
X

[Axanderb]

i feel like i've tried to give a response to you all a few times and my responses aren't showing up. Don' think i'm not paying attention to your amazing feedback.

I am out to my friends and family and they are very accepting. But i don't get along with them for other reasons (family) they have some weird ideals about the world and how things should go (racism, classism, etc. ) However i maintain a decent relationship w/ my mom.

My self esteem issues came AFTER the breakup...during the relationship i started feeling like i couldn't live up to the expectations of life in all aspects, work, relationship, finances, interpersonal relationships etc. I just started feeling really down on myself because i didn't feel like he was in my corner (both of our faults really) But being dumped (especially because of how he did it) was the final blow.

I think part of this is having a lot of negative feelings about how my life has turned out so far. I don't have an education and i can't afford one at the moment. I attempted college but i couldn't afford to keep myself in passed 2 and a half years...it's a very tender issue for me and i'm trying to work through it but i'm reminded every day by my work life that i'm underqualified for any worthwhile living wage job.

I feel like that's kind of where my feelings of unworthiness and feeling unwanted come from. I've found myself asking "who would want someone like me who has no means to support himself efficiently"

[partis]

Hi Alex.

I think if you feel unworthy that shows, yes its cliche but you must love yourself before someone can find a reason to love you. Because it shows, that unworthy-ness, its not particularly attractive. You could solve the problem by finding a nice sugar daddy :-)

SO your a dropout and dont have a lot, its not a problem to me, i didnt even finish secondary school (high school) maybe in your culture is more important.

[justbry87]

I was stuck in a dead-end job up until last June. It was a steady job,
but it didn't really go anywhere or I couldn't really see myself staying
there for a long time.

After I got back from vacation, they took away my position at work
and I became unemployed ever since.

To be honest I was settling, it was a sucky job but it gave me a steady
check. It was easier to stay than to do something else, but I took getting
sacked from work as a sign and motivation that I should be doing something
else. Something that I can take somewhere else without having to be attached
to just one place.

Have you looked into going to a Technical school? Most courses only take
a few months if not a year.

If you feel unworthy of being someones partner/boyfriend, then become
the partner/boyfriend you wish of being with. [if that makes sense!]

[MisterTinkles]

Glad you know enough to go get some help for yourself. At least you are not living in denial. Thats the first BIG step!!!! YEAH for you!!!!


I used to worry about shit all the time. So much I got migraines and headaches all the time. I was so upset so often, I ate....and ate and ate and ate.

One day I got a new job. At this new job, I became friends with a girl who had almost the same, identical parallel life that I did. So we became friends.

One day I told her I couldnt take the crap anymore (about all the stuff I was worried about).

She told me she used to be that way, and a friend of hers told her this....and she passed it on to me.

[COLOR="Purple"]90% of the things you are worrying about will never come to pass, so why worry about something that is never going to happen?

The other 10% of stuff you worry about is not that important. If it was, something would have been done about it already. And of that 10%, 9% is needless worry because there is nothing you can do about it until it actually happens. And that rolls back up into the 90%. That 1% that is left, well, you cant do anything about it until it happens. Again, why waste your time and brain power worrying about something that you cant do anything about until it ACTUALLY happens?
[/COLOR]
I thought on that for a week or two. I realized I had been worrying about stuff that really did not matter, and the rest of it never came to pass. So WHY was I doing this to myself?

I have NOT been worried about anything since.