luna12345 Wrote:I appreciate your answer but I never suspected him of being homosexuel until I noticed he's a little too friendly with an openly gay neighbor. My husband was driving this man around and the guy was giving my husband gifts such as flowers ...they chill together on the balcony with my neighbor half naked! My husband acts like such a homophobe but yet he went to the gay parade and although he kept talking about how disgusting gay people are he stayed there for 2 hours.
I found out he downloaded a gay movie onceonce and he told me he didn't even know what it was and never watched it. Once in the beginning of our relationship he told me that broke back mountain was one of his favorite movies but now that he knows I suspect he's gay he says he never even watched that movie.
There's a gay guy who works at our bank and he gave my husband his card ...ever since then there has been a very large number of phone calls between them very frequently and my husband acts like it's related to his credit card account or bank account.
I don't believe a sexless marriage is the norm for straight couples.
i live with a man who not only never initiates sex but he avoids it like the plague.
He is 39 years old and I don't believe he has health issues because he does seem to have an erection every morning.
It is normal for some degree of sexual activity during a marriage. BA is right in that it should decrease because of health (sexual dysfunction sensitivity lower testosterone), deceased time, etc. (though sometimes sexual activity increases in old age, which is kind of gross, but still). On another topic, some people actually just don't enjoy sex, which is unfortunate but happens sometimes.
Has he ever enjoyed sex? A single time? Has he ever really seemed to be enjoying himself, or initiated sex a single time? He may have a lower sex drive, or you may even be right about him being 'sort of gay' --- he could like members of both sex but is married to you which isn't really a problem if that's the case. There are a lot of variables here.
Anyway; it's impossible to tell if your husband is gay from your musings about his sexuality on a forum, which is something BA mentioned... but your expanding on this makes it a little more reasonable for us to be able to consider your concerns.
If your husband is gay, him having gay friends is probably important to him. But at the same time --- if he's cheating on you (?), it's never right. Ever. No matter what. It's possible that he is, and if that comes up, it is something he has to know is wrong, because even if he is gay, he did make a vow to remain faithful to you, and that's a breach of trust.
At the same time, he's obviously stayed with you and tried to provide for your marriage, and been there for your child. To this extent, as much as you feel you're suffering, he's likely suffering as well. And this is the truth of many relationships with troubles --- both parties are hurting.
This isn't something that's easy to fix if he is gay, because it's unique to every situation. Whether you stay together, separate but remain very good friends and on good terms, or have everything fall apart is unique to your situation --- and likely up to you.
I would seriously suggest relationship counselling, through a counselor with sessions together and alone and also encourage from him to see a counselor/therapist if it turns out that he is gay --- because he's lived straight for a long time, and if he's gay, there's just so much cognitive dissonance going on in his brain that I really think professional help would be a good idea. He's not going to want too, but if you're firm and say it's for the sake of the relationship (or any relationship for that matter), he may see how serious it is.
If he's tried to be a good husband in every way besides being gay and being largely sexless, he does care about you and isn't a malicious person. If he is gay, you're still a person he cares deeply for, and he's probably terrified of you ever knowing he's gay in part because of that. So as much as you probably don't want him to be anything other than straight, you might also consider making sure he knows that it's okay to be gay, and that even if it changes your relationship you're not going to hate him. You may be the only person in his life if it comes to that who doesn't turn away from him if he decides to be open about being gay (again, if he is gay), as you say he is muslim, and he's lived straight --- and when a person makes a life change they often find themselves completely alone.
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