Stuff on my mind... again

[Bluelight]

I just want things to change so bad. At the moment, there really aren't many opportunities for me to try new things, and I don't sense even the slightest bit of promise in the near future. It's really hard for me to meet new people, and I'm starting to realize that the friends I have right now kind of drive me crazy. I don't want to get rid of them mind you, I just need better influences in my life to balance things out, but I haven't had much luck so far.

This is really driving me insane, I feel like I have little control over my life, my self-esteem frequently plummets, and I feel like I can't do anything right. It's always felt like that actually, that I just can't grasp what normal people master so easily, so I made up for it by excelling in things that normal people can't; I became fluent in another language, and I traveled a lot at a very young age. I even first came out while abroad, but that's all said and done, I'm back now, and I'm once again surrounded by people, most of them younger than I am, who are further ahead of me in terms of friends and relationships. It just makes me feel so loser-like, even though I know that I shouldn't think like that, but it's really depressing for me, I expected more of my life by now.

[driftwood]

I expected more of my life by now.

I can sympathize, but look on the bright side - you're 20 and expected more; I'm three times your age and I expected more - I hope you don't feel the same way when you're 30, and I hope I don't feel the same way when I'm 70.

[Sylph]

I think everyone sort of feels this way in a sense.

I learned 3 languages, took all the top classes on highschool, practiced to use my ears if I ever lose my sight(as I am legally blind(20-10)), worked with and learned about animals and animal medicine and have played music for 15 years.

And I'm putting none of those skills to use at the moment. And all my knowledge still can't change the fact that I am alone, currently unemployed and not exactly mr.popular.

However, one thing I've realized, is that everything in life happens for a reason. There is a lesson in every experience and mistake that you go through.

It will be hard, especially in the moment, but you have to have faith sometimes. Not necessarily religiously, but just in general.

One day you may come across a lost child who doesn't speak the common language and you happen to be the only one around who can communicate to them.

Or some other contribution only you could make, that will be worth you learning and sharing.

Even now, you sharing this has shown that where others may lack in emotive maturity or growth and self perception and awareness, you are clearly versed in it :3

Things will get better sweetie