I believe it does. I am in a monogamous relationship with my man for 7 years. We are married, we live together and we love each other each day more. We do not have the need to sleep with someone else. We do believe in monogamy. It is difficult to find guys who are totally monogamous, but they do exist.
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Marcoroel Wrote:I believe it does. I am in a monogamous relationship with my man for 7 years. We are married, we live together and we love each other each day more. We do not have the need to sleep with someone else. We do believe in monogamy. It is difficult to find guys who are totally monogamous, but they do exist.
You give me hope pal.
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I wonder how many feel that way strong enough to comment on it or start a thread about it are of the type who want to bond really close with someone to the point of mutual obsession (like between Bella and Edward in Twilight), and can even get more extreme than that. I could see why having more than one "obsession" is simply impossible and an agreed upon polyamorous relationship of some sort was just as bad as cheating as it's simply impossible (and thus diminishes if not destroys the relationship). But beware, a great many who say nothing other than monogamy will do are themselves selfish cheaters who want to play the field while making sure you (and others they sucker) don't.
Whereas for me I don't think polyamory (as opposed to cheating) diminishes it. It's hard to say because I've never been in one (save one, technically a "friends with benefits" sitch that was short lived and we never had time for anyone else while it was going on so that I still can't claim experience), but it does not bother me. Cheating on me, which is betraying my trust, does hurt me and harm or destroy my relationship (btw, you can cheat in a polyamorous relationship just as you can a monogamous one). And in my case I have a lot going on in my life, I can't stand to be smothered by anyone (at least not for too long). Perhaps that contributes to why I can be nonchalant about the idea of polyamory.
Or maybe it's less jealousy and insecurity, I don't feel the least bit threatened by my partners having friendships with exes, in fact it comforts me making me think they're mature rather than likely to lash out bitterly when frustrated (as say by a breakup), nor do I drop friends of mine because a new partner is uncomfortable about us having been lovers in the past when it's already plaid out and what happened in the past stays in the past not to be repeated. (ETA: therefore I must be less jealous than a great many people and therefore wouldn't feel as threatened by another relationship added to our own if I'd agreed to it. But a jealous person always fearing they're not good enough and can't measure up would automatically feel threatened by anything resembling competition, even if only in memory. Heck, I've experienced females lashing out at me just because their guys showed interest in me when I made it clear I was not interested in turn.)
Ironically, I seem more capable of monogamy than a great many people who say nothing else will do.
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Well,study shows that both couples in monogamous and open relationship could achieve the same level of happiness. But if they interchange the type of relationship,I don't think the study result holds. I guess it comes down to who you are,the former or the later,and just be true to your self instead of trying to save the relationship by changing who you really are. I'm a monogamous kind of person,so I'll let the other guy know that and make sure he's sure that he's monogamous and not gonna be in open-relationship phase later on. Sometimes people get into this phase,and that just complicate things. I'm just wondering if there's any relation between people who are into hook ups when they're single and people who are into open relationship when they're partnered. My assumption is that,the former is gonna turn into the later,thus I'm avoiding people who are into NSA altogether for relationship. LOL.
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Ryocchi Wrote:You give me hope pal.
Never lose hope.
I remember when I was on my early twenties so many guys in their thirties saying that real love and monogamous relationships do not exist and do not last. I never lost hope. It was hard to find the real love, but it is not impossible. My trick was to be very careful with feelings, not to trust too quick passion, but still to live it. Do not exclude those who show too much too soon, but be aware. Do not include those who do not believe real love exist. If you are falling for someone who does not believe in it, do not waste your and his time. There are people like you who are monogamous and believe in it. I know couples who are together and monogamous for 20, 30 years even. I am 35 and we are together for 7 years, married, we work together and we bought our home together. There is the right match for everyone, it is only very difficult to find, and sometimes it can be a painful process - I suggest to love yourself, if you feel someone is not good for you, do not waste your time, there are millions of gay men on the planet. Other thing: tolerance. You must be able to adapt and give up something sometimes, and that is ok, as far as you do not give up on your principles and what you believe in.
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Undreamt Wrote:Why do so many people think that open relationships can't work?
sure things might be a little more complicated at times but it doesnt' mean that thigns can't work.
Because open relationships are not for everyone just like monogamy is not for everyone and there is really no reason to get all defensive when people have a different opinion or perspective.
when people say open relations can't work, they are talking about themselves and their experiences.
Simple really.
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what a question... so simple yet so complex due to it's innate individuality...
as most post started... for me:
it simply wouldn't work, I give myself entirely when in a relationship, I go for the full romantic novel style-e hahaha and that doesn't marry well with the pillar on which successful open relationships are based upon.
the main question to ask yourself when faced by the decision of opening a relationship, would be: Is it really what I want to do... or am I being pushed to it by my partner?
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When we made our vows with God as our witness, we finalized it, and that moment was truly wonderful and miraculous. Everyone felt that a special entity came down from heaven and we, all the people in the room, cried at the same time with tears of joy. Quite miraculous.
First of all, gay marriage has legal consequences where we're from. You also have to understand that we're not in our teens and twenties. We've done the hook ups during our early, single years and got tired of the scenes. You can only do so much with orifices without love, romance and God involved in the relationship. Luckily I'm still hot for my husband after years of living together, and the feeling's mutual. To me he represents all the gorgeous, smart bears who have walked this earth. He is for real, not just play acting. He reminds me of Wilford Brimley in China Syndrome, that same age but taller with a Sam Elliot voice and an Einstein-like brain. There's no need in me to look for another one. He also tells me everyday how much he loves me and how in-love he is.
Being legally married puts everything on a new level. It's really something to experience. It has many benefits for one thing and it gives an extra security to the mind, which is priceless. The neighborhood knows we're legally married and the women just adore us for being so open about it. Marriage does wonders to your mind. We're not totally there, but it's a step to FULL EQUALITY.
No judgment here. People have to find what's true to them. Besides most people have the capacity to work things out, if they really want the relationship to move forward.
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Thanks to all, as it turns out.. After 11 years he's been having an extremely open relationship. I just found out..
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Partner Wrote:Just curious.....but I'm not sure of the words. If a partner in a open relationship or not for that matter. Has a sexual relationship outside. Be it hook ups, a long standing hook up, or a long term sexual partner....why do I think the love between the partners is diminished? Assuming the couple had a healthy sex life. I am fairly smart but don't know how to express that without sounding like a Cinderella?
For me this is an absolute no go in a relationship. Sex outside the relationship would destroy everything I felt for that person.
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