I am sick of crushing on straight guys

[Mark]

Yes, though it was dysfunctional.

Do you think thats put you off relationships?

[hank]

Do you think thats put you off relationships?

Well I loved him. I really kind of still do. It was 12 years ago. And he really didn'twantto be gay, but in all fairness I didn't either. It was strained because I really es wrinkling to come out for him. He wasn't even willing to admit he liked me. How upset he seemed when I broke it off tells me I think he loved me too. But after we would have sex and sleep with each other, he would wake up and be so hard on himself, push me away. Yet come clinging onto me in the evening. It hurt to be pushed away like that when the euphoria of sex the night before and his warm body pressed againstmine in the morning. I would wake up smiling and he would almost start crying. That was why I broke it off, he needed as well as I did to come to terms withhissexuality

[Mark]

Well I loved him. I really kind of still do. It was 12 years ago. And he really didn'twantto be gay, but in all fairness I didn't either. It was strained because I really es wrinkling to come out for him. He wasn't even willing to admit he liked me. How upset he seemed when I broke it off tells me I think he loved me too. But after we would have sex and sleep with each other, he would wake up and be so hard on himself, push me away. Yet come clinging onto me in the evening. It hurt to be pushed away like that when the euphoria of sex the night before and his warm body pressed againstmine in the morning. I would wake up smiling and he would almost start crying. That was why I broke it off, he needed as well as I did to come to terms withhissexuality

Sounds rough to be fair. Its a shame it went that way. Have you been with anyone since then? Sometimes it always comes back to you can love someone but it isn't enough.

[hank]

Sounds rough to be fair. Its a shame it went that way. Have you been with anyone since then? Sometimes it always comes back to you can love someone but it isn't enough.

No, I figured that was a sign from God that I need to try and bestraight (stupid I know) but I started dating women and it was tedious, no sparks ever flew despite my attempts to force it. It was like being drugged, I just felt nothing. So I withdrew. I tried to join the military thinking that would make me straight, they refused me (thank heavens) tried to go tocollege, flunked out. Outs just been terrible since that breakup with Joshua(that was his name) until I came here and started talkingto people here. I accepted that I was gay. But that was like two years ago. I was also molested by my boy cousin when I was six, so intimacy takes time for me. I get turned off by guys that talk about sex to much. So I need a special guy. One that can go slow

[Mark]

No, I figured that was a sign from God that I need to try and bestraight (stupid I know) but I started dating women and it was tedious, no sparks ever flew despite my attempts to force it. It was like being drugged, I just felt nothing. So I withdrew. I tried to join the military thinking that would make me straight, they refused me (thank heavens) tried to go tocollege, flunked out. Outs just been terrible since that breakup with Joshua(that was his name) until I came here and started talkingto people here. I accepted that I was gay. But that was like two years ago. I was also molested by my boy cousin when I was six, so intimacy takes time for me. I get turned off by guys that talk about sex to much. So I need a special guy. One that can go slow

Jeeze you've had a hard life - sorry to hear that but well done for coming through the other side and being so strong. I can understand why you'd wait. I think a lot of guys talk sex sex sex just to fit in - but I doubt most are that bad. Are you actively looking for someone or just waiting for it to happen?

[hank]

Jeeze you've had a hard life - sorry to hear that but well done for coming through the other side and being so strong. I can understand why you'd wait. I think a lot of guys talk sex sex sex just to fit in - but I doubt most are that bad. Are you actively looking for someone or just waiting for it to happen?

I looked for a little bit. Went on some datesmostly withguys that were waytoyoungfor me. I guess all i can dois let it happen.

My life hasn't been that hard.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

he is awfully young and the guys I have been flirting with online are around his age. I think you have touched on something though I don't think it's because I am bothered by being gay. I just don't feel like I have anything to offer anybody. I am overwaight, that bothers me immensely, I make squat for pay, I work wired hours. There are some issuesI want resolved prior to a relationship.

Hmm. Well as you may know there are guys who are into big guys. So weight most likely is not going to be an issue.

Pay? Well if a guy is going to decide if you are worthy of his affects based on how much you earn you definitely do not want to have him in your life.

You said in an early post that you don't know that many gay guys.... Well that is one of the problems that you face. You surround yourself with straight guys, with few to no gay guys...

Those lesbians may be your ticket to meeting other gay men. Pick the lesbian you trust the most and tell her that you don't want to go to clubs/bars alone and need a clubbing partner/friend.

I have had several lesbians who liked to go out clubbing with me - we both had the safety of having someone with us to watch our backs with its being pretty obvious we were not a couple, so still approachable.

Two gay men going to a club/bar typically are assumed to be a couple thus get less attention if you know what I mean.

Hank you have a lot to offer a guy... I doubt you fully understand how great a catch you really are...

[hank]

Hmm. Well as you may know there are guys who are into big guys. So weight most likely is not going to be an issue.

Pay? Well if a guy is going to decide if you are worthy of his affects based on how much you earn you definitely do not want to have him in your life.

You said in an early post that you don't know that many gay guys.... Well that is one of the problems that you face. You surround yourself with straight guys, with few to no gay guys...

Those lesbians may be your ticket to meeting other gay men. Pick the lesbian you trust the most and tell her that you don't want to go to clubs/bars alone and need a clubbing partner/friend.

I have had several lesbians who liked to go out clubbing with me - we both had the safety of having someone with us to watch our backs with its being pretty obvious we were not a couple, so still approachable.

Two gay men going to a club/bar typically are assumed to be a couple thus get less attention if you know what I mean.

Hank you have a lot to offer a guy... I doubt you fully understand how great a catch you really are...

really? You think I am a catch?

I have a straight girl friend that likes to go to gay bars I need to lookher up

[freelandia]

Start by not talking and thinking about it

[hank]

Start by not talking and thinking about it

That is pretty difficult. It's allI have thought about for 20+ years.

My mom really started teaching me and my brother that homosexuality was wrong when I was about seven years old. I have thought about it, and I remember having boyhood crushes on men around that age. I remember my swim team coach, he was a young Cuban fellow. I was about seven or eight years old, I just admired him I wanted to impress him. I never really thought about it until recently.

But I have been self conscious about these feelings for decades so they have been on the mind for that long. Accepting it felt amazing but I still can't get it off of my mind.