I am sick of crushing on straight guys

[Mark]

Happy to answer

I'm an extreme kinda guy lol. I'm autistic (high functioning) and sort of folded my awkwardness with sexuality into my general social awkwardness. I was able to almost completely compartmentalize, getting off only to gay porn while actively denying I was gay.

The turning point for me was retiring and moving to a new city. It was like being able to do a reset with my life and start all over. Once I stepped into the gay scene, it was all downhill from there. The awkwardness vanished almost immediately, and for the first time, I felt like myself.

I played fast and loose with my new found sexual identity and freedom, hooking up with guy after guy. Having suppressed my nature for so long, I felt like I had to make up for lost times! But about 2 years ago, after too many hook ups and 3 failed relationship attempts, I met the man of my dreams.

It was Thanksgiving, and I was home feeling depressed because my last boyfriend had just broken up with me the week prior. A friend of mine dragged me out of the house for drinks, and to help me get my mind off the breakup. We were playing pool, and this guy who I had been checking out came over and just kissed me out of the blue. Darin and I have been together ever since

What did you retire from? And what pushed you into that position? Was it purely because you felt you were hitting a brick wall so to speak and just being destructive in your life? Don't get me wrong seems like it was completely the right thing to do. Did you move somewhere completely new knowing nobody as well? Thats pretty brave.

The end paragraph is pretty sweet. I'm glad you found someone like that and its going so well its quite refreshing I guess. So you've pretty much crammed in 35 years into 2 years haha thats not so bad I guess. I like hearing about different peoples experiences and lives as it allows me to understand them slightly better. You've come across with your head screwed on in your posts but they don't seem to explain who you are hence all the questions!

Would you ever consider marriage, as I know you wouldn't from a religious view point but from the commitment side? How have your family been with it all too?

P.S. Thanks for taking the time to answer me

[Mark]

Yes they did, and yes I was.

My mom wasn't shy about sex and the feelings and urges that go with it. Atthe age of ten I understood exactly how babies were made. my mom had none of that growing up and got pregnant with my sister when she was fifteen. But along with that were discussions of what a homosexual man was (perverted child hungry pedophile and most certainly an aggressive carrier of aids bent oninfecting little boys with homosexuality and then aids)

My mother since apologized for her ignorance. But that was what agay person was, so that was the last thing I wanted to be.

Do you think some of her ignorance towards gay people was a sign of the times? Like back even 10 years ago the outlook on homosexuals was completely different to now so I do wonder if trying to install those beliefs onto you was merely what life was viewed like at the time.

I do find the religious aspect quite fascinating as I have no religious family members at all so it is interesting to learn about. Im guessing it must of been really hard for you growing up feeling these feelings but being told its wrong.

[obroin]

Let us know when you crack the code. I'm quite sure this is the quintessential gay man's dilemma.

For me that's not so. When I learn a guy I like is str8 - I have zero interest - b/c I know nothing could ever happen between us - might as well be a chick lol.

[obroin]

Perhaps you're doing this because (with out even realizing it) - it's safe - you don't ever have to actually risk getting close b/c you simply cannot ever be in an intimate/sexual relationship with a str8 guy. The way you stop is to plant firmly in your head that you can have nothing but a platonic friendship with a str8 guy - he's 'off limits' so to speak - and spend A LOT more of your energy seeking out friendships/relationships with other gay guys who you can experience true intimacy with.

[swalter]

What did you retire from? And what pushed you into that position? Was it purely because you felt you were hitting a brick wall so to speak and just being destructive in your life? Don't get me wrong seems like it was completely the right thing to do. Did you move somewhere completely new knowing nobody as well? Thats pretty brave.

My formal background is in information technology, and I worked as a network architect and technology director for some well-funded start-ups in NYC and DC back in the good 'ol dotCom days, before the bubble burst. After that, I got bored and went to the Philadelphia Restaurant School for my culinary arts degree since I've always loved to cook. Once that was done, I packed up and moved to Denver to start over. A friend of mine had moved here a while ago and told me how great it is, and so it seemed like a good choice!

The end paragraph is pretty sweet. I'm glad you found someone like that and its going so well its quite refreshing I guess. So you've pretty much crammed in 35 years into 2 years haha thats not so bad I guess. I like hearing about different peoples experiences and lives as it allows me to understand them slightly better. You've come across with your head screwed on in your posts but they don't seem to explain who you are hence all the questions!

Yes, I'm glad too! It wasn't until about 6mo into the relationship that it really hit me that I had been missing out on so much. We compliment each other perfectly, each providing whatever the other is lacking. Given all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, I'm still amazed I landed such a wonderful man!

Would you ever consider marriage, as I know you wouldn't from a religious view point but from the commitment side? How have your family been with it all too?

Oh yes, marriage is gonna happen. It scares the shit out of me, but Darin is "The One" for me. Personally, I have no use for marriage. I never really understood why anyone would involve the government with their intimate relationships. And I certainly have no use for any religious ties. But Darin is a southern boy from Louisiana from a traditional Catholic family, and he wants a wedding. Funny you should ask about this, actually, because I've been shopping for rings and trying to figure out how and when to ask him!

[Mark]

My formal background is in information technology, After that, I got bored and went to the Philadelphia Restaurant School for my culinary arts degree since I've always loved to cook.

Thats a big career change - what made you go into cookery? Just seems a bit random haha. Had you always had an interest in that? and are you more savoury or sweet?

We compliment each other perfectly, each providing whatever the other is lacking. Given all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, I'm still amazed I landed such a wonderful man!

Thats what makes it even more perfect to be fair - and it does sound like you have met the one. Its really nice to hear things like that - plus its nice to see your softer side haha.

Oh yes, marriage is gonna happen. It scares the shit out of me, but Darin is "The One" for me. Personally, I have no use for marriage. I never really understood why anyone would involve the government with their intimate relationships. Funny you should ask about this, actually, because I've been shopping for rings and trying to figure out how and when to ask him!

I don't have any use for marriage really the only way I'd entertain it is if you have built a certain lifestyle for each other and if one of you were to die you'd lose it, so I guess from a financial point of view rather than anything else. Oh gosh! Thats pretty awesome! Have you two got any special dates? Or maybe just doing it random would work well haha. Its exciting! You have to keep us updated!

[swalter]

Thats a big career change - what made you go into cookery? Just seems a bit random haha. Had you always had an interest in that? and are you more savoury or sweet?

My parents had me in the kitchen from an early age, and got me into cooking. I never wanted to be a professional chef or actually work in the industry; only to learn and receive formal training. Basically, I wanted to learn to cook like a pro. As for my tastes, I'd say I'm more of a savory guy than sweet. I'm big on meats and fish. The school I went to had a pastry chef program, but it wasn't my thing.

Thats what makes it even more perfect to be fair - and it does sound like you have met the one. Its really nice to hear things like that - plus its nice to see your softer side haha.

Lol thanks. I'm actually a nice guy and I care a lot about others, but I can come across as arrogant and condescending at times. The ASD (autism) has its greatest adverse impact on my socialization skills, as I have to make a conscious effort to enhance my normally dry, pragmatic dialog with social niceties and conventions.

I don't have any use for marriage really the only way I'd entertain it is if you have built a certain lifestyle for each other and if one of you were to die you'd lose it, so I guess from a financial point of view rather than anything else. Oh gosh! Thats pretty awesome! Have you two got any special dates? Or maybe just doing it random would work well haha. Its exciting! You have to keep us updated!

Not sure on the dates yet. If I can get my act together, I'd like to propose to him before the end of the Summer, and do the whole engagement thing for a year before we actually get married. Before Darin, my longest gay relationship was only 6mo, and before that, my longest straight relationship lasted only 8mo. So, I'm in uncharted waters right now, going on 2 years with Darin. It's both exhilarating, and terrifying, so I want to take it slow and wait at least a year after engagement to get married.

[Mark]

My parents had me in the kitchen from an early age, and got me into cooking.

At least they set you up for life I guess. Apparently most kids that are taught things at a young age try to turn it into their profession. Again this isn't proven but its a theory. I can't really see how that relates to me though as I work in retail.. Maybe I went shopping lots? Haha. I enjoy baking - started teaching myself how to do it and made some awesome cakes!

Lol thanks. I'm actually a nice guy and I care a lot about others, but I can come across as arrogant and condescending at times. The ASD (autism) has its greatest adverse impact on my socialization skills, as I have to make a conscious effort to enhance my normally dry, pragmatic dialog with social niceties and conventions.

I guess places like forums aren't really the best to show off who you really are anyway haha. Has the ASD had a big impact on life especially considering it impacts social skills? Do you take that as why you maybe weren't so popular in school? Did they offer any help or support as a child back then? (Sorry that makes you sound well old I don't mean it like that haha)

Not sure on the dates yet. If I can get my act together, I'd like to propose to him before the end of the Summer, and do the whole engagement thing for a year before we actually get married.

It sounds like its something you've thought about which only speaks volumes for the strength of your relationship I guess considering marriage isn't something you would of gone for! Its pretty sweet haha.

Before Darin, my longest gay relationship was only 6mo, and before that, my longest straight relationship lasted only 8mo. So, I'm in uncharted waters right now, going on 2 years with Darin. It's both exhilarating, and terrifying, so I want to take it slow and wait at least a year after engagement to get married.

Wow! That is an achievement - would you go for a big wedding or something small? You seem to be living proof that once you find the one things work out and just seem natural. Its what I try to get across when giving advice - if you need advice because you don't know how to act or your questioning something then you have to find out if this is right for you - because otherwise like for yourself it just all comes naturally. You just follow your heart! I like that you are being realistic at the same time and not rushing however. You seem very level headed.

[hank]

Perhaps you're doing this because (with out even realizing it) - it's safe - you don't ever have to actually risk getting close b/c you simply cannot ever be in an intimate/sexual relationship with a str8 guy. The way you stop is to plant firmly in your head that you can have nothing but a platonic friendship with a str8 guy - he's 'off limits' so to speak - and spend A LOT more of your energy seeking out friendships/relationships with other gay guys who you can experience true intimacy with.

I wonder if that is the reason myself. It'shard to say.

[hank]

Do you think some of her ignorance towards gay people was a sign of the times? Like back even 10 years ago the outlook on homosexuals was completely different to now so I do wonder if trying to install those beliefs onto you was merely what life was viewed like at the time.

I do find the religious aspect quite fascinating as I have no religious family members at all so it is interesting to learn about. Im guessing it must of been really hard for you growing up feeling these feelings but being told its wrong.

Yes, I do, I certainly don't blame her. It was the 1980s and the aids scare was in full swing. And it was decided that gay sex caused aids. All around were the stories.

It was difficult knowing that I couldn't live up to what God wanted. But I have conquered that. I note understand that whole anti gay thing with religion was fabricated.

But everybody in my family was religious. And anti gay. Both sets of grand parents aunts and uncles, the only person I had was my sister. Never lived with her she was adopted by my grand parents. She is gay.