I just came out and I feel numb...

[AlohaShannon]

So I decided to come out to my mother today (well, sort of come out).

I'm married but separated (my wife can no longer go on pretending to be my wife when that ship has clearly sailed; we are best friends though and are getting pedicures together tomorrow, lol). She told her family that we split up but didn't tell them about me being gay. I thought it would be best to tell my mother so I didn't have to continue living with the burden of holding this in. I told her that my wife and I were splitting up because there is some stuff in our past that changed how we both see the marriage (I was unfaithful in the past and my mom already knew about that). I explained to her that part of my infidelity was being intimate with other men. There was a brief pause and then she said, "you'd better not tell your dad." She later asked me if all this meant that I would be going for guys now. I explained that I am still in the process of discovering who I am but I definitely wouldn't rule it out. She went on to remind me that homosexuality is an especially bad sin. I more or less expected that sort of reaction but when I told my wife everything my mom said, she was infuriated! She could not believe that my mom said nothing about loving me no matter what or anything like that.

Next I called my brother and told him the same thing and his response irritated me a bit. He told me that nothing I do surprises him anymore given my past. But he did say that he is still my brother and nothing will change that. So I felt good at the end of the conversation.

Like I said earlier, I "sort of" came out today...I didn't come out and say "I'M GAY!" Instead, I just stuck a leg out of the door and shook it around.

I can't wait to see how quickly this gets passed around throughout my extended family and I start getting facebook messages! I thought about telling my mom that she destined me to be gay since she named me Shannon but thought that might be a little mean.

Happy April 22nd everyone!

[AlfredM]

Congratulations to you~! I don't know,but I'd say it's good enough that your mother didn't disown you,maybe she still need some time to process it all before coming to the realization that it doesn't matter 'cause she loves you.
Well,I hope your extended family respond well as well.

[Cuddly]

You're a guy. Sticking the leg out is the same thing. In my very black and white world anyway; I like my labels. Congratulations with your coming out.
(Just to explain what I mean, it's more unusual in society for males to be sexually confused than it is for females, consider I kissed a girl by Katy Perry. Now imagine Justin Timberlake making the same song, but being I kissed a guy.)
Your mother's reaction was awful. I hope she calls you back, when she realises how terrible that was to say and how much that would hurt you. You're your own man, who is she to tell you that you cannot tell your father how you feel?
About the Shannon thing, that seems an appropriate counter-response. Homosexuality is not a sin?! Love is not a sin?! Sure, if you raped random guys, you'd be a sinner. But having consensual sex with any person is a beautiful thing that benefits both parties. Her reply (or atleast the parts you shared) infuriates me more than your brother's.
And again, your (ex)wife is amazing. It's GREAT to know you have a close friend to support you as you go through this, even if she was the one who had the most to lose.

Btw, my mother cried when I told her I was gay. She explained it away as her being worried I might get sick. Which I believe. My mum is a worrier. Or atleast she was, she has since then learned that worrying does her no good
Not sure what I had expected, but having the sin-card thrown in your face is definately never a good start. Why can't they just cheer and wave rainbow flags?

[Wolfpack]

Congrats on 'sort of' coming out

I only came out to my parents last year , a very hard thing to do.
i printed some information off the internet about what it means to be gay , to give them something to read so it was not just me trying to explain it to them verbally.This did seem to help them a bit , things are still not perfect but getting much better.

Good luck on your coming out journey

[TimeSage]

Your wife sounds like a good person and very supportive of you. Don't toss this away just because you're splitting up.

Also, no offense but your mom is a jerk.

[ddd]

You did the most harder step though. Your mother will need a bunch of time to accept the news, but she will see with time that you are the same nice person she gave birth 37 years ago.

[chillythoughts]

Im sorry that your mom reacted like this. Please remember that your an amazing person no matter how much your family rejects you.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

A significant change in lifestyle is a huge deal, and regardless of how others may react around you, congradulations on taking that huge, small, first step on coming out.

What others think or how they react at the end of the day is irrelevant. This is about you.

One step and one day at a time is all you need. And remember, you don't need their permission to be gay. They should be supportive of the fact that you care about them enough to even tell them.



ObW
X

[CellarDweller]

congratulations on comming out!

[Mark]

Well done on starting the process! I think mums tend to be shocked initially anyway and give a weird response. If your mum was religious then again you can kinda expect that response and should take some comfort in the fact it wasn't anything that bad. The brother thing I think is typical and maybe just an instant response rather than something he's thought about so again don't take anything from that.

Its a very long process overall and some parts will be easy some will be hard - we are here throughout however , and it sounds like your wife is too! Its really nice and I'm glad for you! You seem like a really nice guy too so Im glad for you