Trying to make more out of life.

[throughtheeyes]

When you get your negative thoughts, try to dispute then. Are they accurate? Are they overly negative? Are you doing yourself a disservice? You may not be able to get a positive thought, but a more balanced thought may help you.

Over the past week i really have trying to pay attention to my self talk and the thoughts that automatically enter my head and yes they are mostly negative its just really hard to change them when they come so instantaneously.

[Wolfpack]

yep it takes time and effort, but you can do it with practice. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I have though about going to a therapist and have started looking into finding one. I have had counseling in the past due to a short stay in the hospital after a suicide attempt several years ago, but the counseling was really just a joke and waste of time.

However it sounds like to me the real problem you have here is not a pissy, boring job, a fatty body, or a BF who wants to magically fix you - seems to me you have a history of depression and depression makes everything look like shit, feel like shit, taste like shit, sound like shit - shit shit shitty shit shit - That sums up depression.

Since you apparently are not presenting symptoms that are noticeable (feeling sad all the time) then you may have what I call a 'low grade depression'. Its the kind of lingering dis-ease that just modifies a person's outlook just enough to make everything look like shit, but not enough to lead to reaching for the razorblades while bathing, or crying, or laying in bed with your covers over your head telling your partner you are not depressed, you only need your space.

From what I have seen with others in a similar boat, a low dose antidepressant actually breaks that spell.

Understand I usually do not advocate taking antidepressants, however in some cases they actually do work and I think from what you have said you may be a prime candidate for a low dose antidepressant.

I would suggest you get therapist, work a few sessions to have them get a good peak under the hood before you run off to a psychiatrist. Most (not all) therapists have a psychiatrist that they team with and a recommendation for a low dose antidepressant is usually followed by the prescribing doctor.

Sadly, psychiatrists tend to throw way to many pills at a patient, thus having a therapists referral tends to lessen the risk of becoming a chemical zombie.

It sounds like you and your last therapist didn't click. Sometimes it takes a bit to find one that will work for you. It's like when you meet anyone, some people click, some don't, yeah?

Bowyn Aerrow makes a good point about the medication as well. And about going through a therapist first before hitting the doc for meds. I personally am on a child's dose of medication, and it's just enough to balance me out. It's been a huge help.

I just recently went off my meds for a few months, to see how I would do without them. It was supervised by both my partner and my therapist. It turns out, without them I'm no longer suicidal (which I was previously) but I still had a definite depressive decline after a few months of the meds working out of my system. I went back on them not because I was worried I'd harm myself, but because my quality life is vastly improved with their assistance.