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So my boyfriend and me, we're together for 5 months already and we're really happy, I've never thought I could find a guy like him. The thing is the he's afraid to have sex with me, he's 18, I'm 21. We're both inexperienced and I think it's actually a good thing, so that we won't have to worry we won't measure up with each other. We've spent lots of nights together , kissing and caressing each other, but nothing more. We've never been actually naked together, we're always in underwear. If I try to get closer, like touch his butt or pull him so close that we're literally rubbing into each other, he always apologizes and moves away.
The first time it happened, I thought that he probably doesn't want it yet and that I'm hurrying, but he said he wants it, but is scared that things will go wrong. He's scared that I'll be disappointed, that he won't be good enough, that something might hurt. Well, I've to say I'm not very brave too, as it'll be my first time as well, but somehow I'm not afraid of these things. The first time is always awkward, I believe.
So what should I do? Should I just wait and give him more time or should we just go for it?
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Well, you should begin by explaining yourself to him as thoroughly as possible if you haven't already. That you're both inexperienced, that you're not expecting him to live up to any standards and that you'll simply figure things out together as you go along. Once the message sinks in, he should feel ready to advance. If not, then maybe he simply needs more time getting comfortable and even more familiar with you.
Whatever happens, don't push him to do anything, but don't let him get away simply apologizing. Make sure you actually TALK these things through. If he's afraid of pain you don't have to do anal. I can think of so many reasons why he'd hesitate, and if you discuss the issue together calmly, you will probably shed some more light on it. Good luck 
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Share you thoughts with one another. Talk about it. Let him know that you share his fear. Don't have any expectations... Better yet, agree that the first time "won't count", that it would be experimental.
To most of us, the first times (yes, timeS) were not really that epic, and it's usually awkward, but like everything else, it takes practice, patience and TRUST.
Plus, it's the time where you, not only discover each other's bodies but also your own.
Also, you can easily do some research, and by that, I don't mean porn. There are many articles, videos and websites dedicated to this topic.
Let him know that he's (definitely) not the only one, that you're in this together, that it's the perfect time to learn a new side to yourselves. Make sure you trust each other, make sure you're patient with one another, and keep the open communication.
Good luck to you, lovebirds.
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I agree with everything that Humble Tangerine said, he gave you some good advice. Let me add, on a purely practical note --- perhaps your BF would be comfortable starting with something totally nonthreatening like kissing and cuddling while masturbating together. And gradually move on to touching each other and then maybe, in a while, oral. You're both concerned about sex being painful - I assume you're talking about anal. and to be honest, I don't think it's a good idea to even try that until you've done other things and feel safe and comfortable with each other sexually.
You have plenty of time, so take it slow and enjoy each other.
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There can be quite a difference between an eighteen year-old and a twenty-one year-old. As has already been said there is much more to sexual intimacy than anal intercourse. Presumably you've both been wanking for long enough to be experts. Presumably you both need to satisfy that need regularly. Just be together and do what you normally do. In my relationship experience the best sex has always seemed to come from giving oneself to one's partner. I'm not talking about the role you take but actually being big-hearted and generous in love.
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It's great that the two of you are talking, and he's able to tell you he's afraid and why. Whatever you do, keep talking. But where did you two get your "gay sex ed" info? Before my first time with a man, I was afraid I'd screw up or have a dreadful experience. So I bought a copy of "The Joy of Gay Sex" and read it cover to cover a couple times. If you're not familiar with it, it's not a gay kama sutra. It's a guide to just about every aspect of gay sex given in a warm, friendly, understanding and often humorous - but always factual - manner. Great for first timers - like telling you what sensations you can expect the first time you have a cock in your mouth, and some suggestions to make it more pleasurable for both of you. You two might want to take a look (it's still available on Amazon with a 2009 Kindle edition). Helped me a great deal!
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"Inexperienced" is this code for his being a sturgeon, I mean surgeon, I mean virgin?
Are you sure he is gay? Better yet is HE sure he is gay?
Its one thing to hug a dude, snuggle with a dude, even kiss a dude - its totally another thing to have sex with a dude.
If he is having closet issues, this may be his real point of lack of interest in sex.
Quote:He's scared that I'll be disappointed, that he won't be good enough, that something might hurt.
You will be
He won't be
and yep its gonna hurt.
Sex is awkward and messy and all sorts of other unpleasant things. Its worse when we first start off doing it, once we have done it a few dozen hundred times it still messy, awkward and all sorts of other unpleasant things - but in a nice, pleasurable way. 
He just has to accept he ain't perfect and he ain't a porn start with camera cuts and a fluffer behind the camera.
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Since he's comfortable snuggling in bed in just underwear, you should take the next step and remove your underwear. He might just need a jump-start, and your naked body against him may do the trick. If it doesn't and he freaks out, you should talk with him very directly and get to the bottom of what's going on. Sex is an important, even essential part of an adult relationship, and his apprehension might be a sign of some deeper issue. Regardless, you need to find out what the deal is and what's going on with him for the sake of your happiness, and the future of your relationship. Allowing an awkward, uncomfortable matter to fester is the first step to a broken relationship.
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It's perfectly normal to be scared and worried about something you've never done before. I don't think anyone has ever been a confident sex monster when doing it for the very first time. Don't rush. Ask him what would he like to do, what would he like to try. If he doesn't want something, don't force. Love your boyfriend and be gentle with him and remember that the first time can affect the whole future sex life.
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5 months into the relationship, and there has been nothing physical between two young, testosterone fuelled alpha males?
Your right to be asking questions, albeit gently so not to upset him too much.
You need to get to the bottom (excuse the pun) of whats really going on, whether its something physiological or physical thats holding him back. Have you discussed roles in bed? Have you discussed whether or not he's even gay?
I like MRoss' advice. Get a book, and read it together. Then decide how you want to proceed.
In my opinion, if your 5 months in and there has been no intimacy at this point, then the longer you leave things, the harder its actually going to be to progress forward.
ObW
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My boyfriend is afraid of sex
