snooped through phone and saw something I didn't like

[ExpatBrit77]

I don't know what to say. Hugs to you though.

[Anocxu]

Or save yourself the trouble ... fill his shampoo bottle with Nair?

[excalibur77]

I wouldn't be with anyone who said those things about me. A good indicator of a person's personality is how they behave when they think no one's watching.

Yep. I agree with the others about the snooping side of things (that's a no-no, because usually what happens is people tend to read too much into what ultimately is just nothing). In your case, however, the subject was you. We're not talking about a simple "hello" that you're misinterpreting as flirting or as bootycall, or a simple "that was fun last night" referring to a reunion party that you think is referring to their nonexistent "hookup" that night. We're talking about your partner talking about you like that behind your back. I'm a shy person myself, and pretty reserved for the most part, but I could never imagine myself talking about someone I love and care for the way your bf did about you.

That's just no way to treat a person, regardless of how much you want to "fit in." Unless your bf is Lindsay Lohan or something.

[17vs41]

Hi there,

Sorry for the long post.

I personally don't believe in going through a partner's phone and I would never go out of the way to do so. I think it promotes distrust and doesn't belong to a healthy relationship.

Last week the opportunity, however, presented itself. My boyfriend was expecting his friend to drop something off at home at his place, and he gave me his phone to await the "im outside the door" whatsapp message (he needed to have a quick shower).

While he was in the shower, I clicked on one other conversation and saw something I didn't like.

This is not about infidelity, but rather his motivation behind being with me.

The conversation I read was about me. To make things clear, I have a European passport and work for an airline (flight benefits). It went along the lines of: "He's taking me to Europe in September and all I have to pay is the visa. He's also going to buy me an iPhone for my birthday haha. I'm going to hang on forever. I don't need to worry about anything because he thinks the sun shines out of my ass and Im the boss anyway"

I was really hurt by it because there was no talk of how he actually FEELS about me. It was just absolutely materialistic.

I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I know telling him I read the conversation will ruin our relationship. There are no other signs of this at all, but his tone in that conversation was as though I didn't know him all. He is otherwise very loving and includes me in all aspects of his life. He isn't very open about his feelings, but I rather attribute that too him being a very quiet person.

I don't know if he's manipulating me or if i'm just paranoid. Should I just forget about it and never look at his phone again or tell him what I saw and potentially ruin the very good trust we have thus far built up. I'm very much an all or nothing kind of guy and probably think such a confrontation will end the relationship which otherwise seems fine.

Thank you! I wanted to hear another opinion. My friends are all giving me vastly differing advice.

If you're being 100 percent truthful in what you found on his phone then leave him ASAP. Yea it sucks, but reality often does suck and you need to move on.

Who knows. Maybe he wanted you to find that message.