Cheating, is he?, what should I do?!

[Yarazaro]

My rule is if i don't feel comfortable or safe (ie:like they are being faithful) i don't stay in the relationship with the person. Life is so short, who has time for games? Your friend was playing with fire and you ended up being the one getting burned. Your bf was clear he didnt want to cheat, but i would be weirded out by the pic exchange. Thing is your friend should never had attempted this. Strange.

[Virge]

^ Agreed. I wouldn't be happy if my BF was playing on Grindr.

↑↑↑↑↑ 100% agree ....... but I'd NEVER tell him not to do it. I'd just give him incentives not to.

And to Yarazaro >>>
until the 2 of you move past shit like Grindr and silly drama like this don't even refer to yourselves as being in any sort of relationship or anything using the word SERIOUS. I honestly cannot even relate to the frame of mind that it takes to understand how you can interpret this drama as evidence of cheating.

I do see it as the type of shit that destroys relationships. THERE IS NO SUCH THING as harmless fun and games with having a "friend" playing the middle between you and a guy you're interested in.
END OF THAT DISCUSSION AND NO DEBATE REQUIRED.

if your friend did if after he talked to you then you're a petty weasel for not telling him not to.

If your friend did it without asking you and THEN reported to you then you better rethink what the hell a friend really is and do something about it.

My biggest GRIPE about gays and what happens on line is how they have tendencies to meddle, mess and play with people in other people's relationships ... FOR NO DAMNED REASON.

There was a GREAT lesson on this right here in GS when Adam self deleted his account recently. After he did it a bunch of people jumped into speculate, draw conclusions and make judgments based on less than half the story. It made me cringe to read some of the things they said and I thought I could stop it but halfway showing my butt about it. NOPE. In the end everyone of them with ideas about why Adam deleted his account was WRONG and after he came back I stalked that thread for a couple of days to see IF ONE PERSON WENT BACK TO APOLOGIZE ON THAT THREAD FOR THE WAY THEY ACTED.

I don't know how Will & Adam felt about it all -- but for me after reading some of the things said on that thread about them and realizing those same people were capable of talking about me and my man the same way (with less than half the story) I'll never be able to trust them as much as before.

[Yarazaro]

Memechose, hopefully you didnt think i was op's boyfriend....lol i was just giving my opinion as a stranger.

[East]

↑↑↑↑↑ 100% agree ....... but I'd NEVER tell him not to do it. I'd just give him incentives not to.

And to Yarazaro >>>
until the 2 of you move past shit like Grindr and silly drama like this don't even refer to yourselves as being in any sort of relationship or anything using the word SERIOUS. I honestly cannot even relate to the frame of mind that it takes to understand how you can interpret this drama as evidence of cheating.

I do see it as the type of shit that destroys relationships. THERE IS NO SUCH THING as harmless fun and games with having a "friend" playing the middle between you and a guy you're interested in.
END OF THAT DISCUSSION AND NO DEBATE REQUIRED.

if your friend did if after he talked to you then you're a petty weasel for not telling him not to.

If your friend did it without asking you and THEN reported to you then you better rethink what the hell a friend really is and do something about it.

My biggest GRIPE about gays and what happens on line is how they have tendencies to meddle, mess and play with people in other people's relationships ... FOR NO DAMNED REASON.

There was a GREAT lesson on this right here in GS when Adam self deleted his account recently. After he did it a bunch of people jumped into speculate, draw conclusions and make judgments based on less than half the story. It made me cringe to read some of the things they said and I thought I could stop it but halfway showing my butt about it. NOPE. In the end everyone of them with ideas about why Adam deleted his account was WRONG and after he came back I stalked that thread for a couple of days to see IF ONE PERSON WENT BACK TO APOLOGIZE ON THAT THREAD FOR THE WAY THEY ACTED.

I don't know how Will & Adam felt about it all -- but for me after reading some of the things said on that thread about them and realizing those same people were capable of talking about me and my man the same way (with less than half the story) I'll never be able to trust them as much as before.

Sorta unrelated but I make it a point never to seek any kind of relationship advice for me and my lover and I have a big brick wall if anyone decides to volunteer any.

When I have a problem...I go to him. Rocket science...eh? I will have been with him for 30 years next year and we have a great relationship. I have gone closing in on 30 years and not said a single bad word nor have I complained about him to anyone else. That will be the case until I leave this plane...I guarantee it.

Success is a good role model IMO but people have to figure that out on their own if they figure it out at all.

[Virge]

Memechose, hopefully you didnt think i was op's boyfriend....lol i was just giving my opinion as a stranger.

It just rubbed me wrong --- brought back memories and I went PTSD about it. It's really one of my biggest irks next to labels... heterocentricity... wet toilet seats... stuff made in China... opinionated religious illiterates... and compulsory nipple removal.

I love people..... but when they get messy with me or other people I love them from a little more distance.


EDIT.......... and I just saw that I got the name wrong, Yarazaro. My stupid mistake and I apologize. It would have been better if it had been you than who it is --- a guy on a continent where I have a guy to get huffy about! Thanks for letting me vent on the wrong person! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

[MikeW]

…snip a lot of good stuff…
My biggest GRIPE about gays and what happens on line is how they have tendencies to meddle, mess and play with people in other people's relationships ... FOR NO DAMNED REASON.
…snip a lot of good stuff…

This is a big issue on a lot of levels having to do with the whole concept of "privacy" which is disappearing from our world.

Focusing on your specific, I've seen this kind of thing happen on other gay forums, too; in far more extreme ways than I've seen here. One story involves a very well liked straight man hanging out on a gay forum presenting himself as gay. Through some strange series of events, one member discovered the truth and outs him not only to the forum but to his girl friend via Facebook. There were shockwaves and repercussions that affected the whole community.

[Jake]

Sorry if I'm blunt but you're a disruptive idiot, he did not cheat, he chat and you have allowed your friend to play him and he showed it back to you and now you believe that he'll cheat on you. Take the guy's boots and put them on to your feet and see how you feel. Your friend should have stopped it where he first said no. You're both disgusting. 5 Months isn't much of a relationship, but if you allowed your friend to play such game with your boyfriend YOU're in no better position.

I have been 9 years with my husband and I started as young as 19 and I can tell you we both fucked around but we would have never played such childish games to one another and come back whining and asking advices in a public forum. I hope other will join me to say that you deserve the confusion that you have allowed your so-called friend to create. You may need to take a break on relationship and fuck your brain's out. Or at least let him go easy so he can continue on using GrindR and you find another one to play the same childish game.

Shame on you and your friend.

Whoa Alex baby! I know you can be blunt sometimes, but now I've got to say I'm so fucking proud of you, my chest is bumping with pride, I'm normally the SOB serving those kind of posts. But I know that head games and childish behaviors is what makes you want to climb drapres and chew shit and spit it out. I'm just sad I didn't see your face when you were writing this at the hospital, I believe I would have melted of desire lol. And you've got it right on point I couldn't have put it better and that's why I'm not adding anything to what you said baby. Love you to pieces.

[Virge]

Sorta unrelated but I make it a point never to seek any kind of relationship advice for me and my lover and I have a big brick wall if anyone decides to volunteer any.

When I have a problem...I go to him. Rocket science...eh? I will have been with him for 30 years next year and we have a great relationship. I have gone closing in on 30 years and not said a single bad word nor have I complained about him to anyone else. That will be the case until I leave this plane...I guarantee it.

Success is a good role model IMO but people have to figure that out on their own if they figure it out at all.

↑↑↑↑........ I understand every word you wrote and especially that last sentence.

Ages back Jay started a blog so we could just write notes back and forth... unimportant things that wouldn't take up all our face time on cam... It's up to 6 different sections now... one section is called "what if." In it we pose tough hard serious what if questions to each other and never discuss the answers IRL or on cam. What is said on the blog stays on the blog. What is said in "what if" is words written with tears and read with tears. All of our individual worries and fears are there along with their answers.

so back to the thread's subject,,, cheating.... we agreed that we owed it to each other to make sure the other was the FIRST to know.....and that means telling BEFORE it happens, not after. Finding out after it happens, all bets are off also by mutual agreement. Neither of us can predict how we would react to finding out after the fact. The only reason I can justify doing it as a cruel way of telling I want to break up and I can't imagine that happening.

[rroepcke]

Hey hey hey guys, calm down. I didn't ask my friend to do this - I didn't even know my boyfriend had downloaded grindr. My friend doesn't like him and never has - so took it upon himself to cause trouble. I have told the friend to fuck off and not to speak with me because it was a terrible thing to do and I have also brought up the issue with my boyfriend face to face. Even though he didn't go through with it I did tell him how it made me feel etc. and he cried and told me that he's deleted it and that he's serious about us.

To the guys so quick to judge - go fuck yourselves. I'm a straight shooter and not into playing games, if something is up then I'll say it, I'd just received a message from my friend with the contents of this post and was not in a position to bring it up with my boyfriend straight away - I needed to seek advice from other guys who have been in the same situation... forgive me for using an advice forum for its intended purpose.

[Alex]

To the guys so quick to judge - go fuck yourselves. I'm a straight shooter and not into playing games, if something is up then I'll say it, I'd just received a message from my friend with the contents of this post and was not in a position to bring it up with my boyfriend straight away - I needed to seek advice from other guys who have been in the same situation... forgive me for using an advice forum for its intended purpose.

The guy who you believe to have stepped to conclusion goes by what you have wrote buddy, so no I ain't going to go fuck myself I have a man to do that for me. Just read yourself back and see why some people will reply the way I did. So get off your high heels and next time just post the whole story and you'll get a whole different response. No really what the fuck is wrong with you mate?