When/whether to out self to straight guy

[xfrostx]

Where I live outing yourself to someone you don't really know (even if you know them) could be quite dangerous. That's why I don't do it unless I'm starting to get closer to that person. I have a boyfriend, we live together and he's a great part of my life so never mentioning him or introducing him as a "roommate" feels like lying... and I just say it and hope for the best. But I don't think I owe telling the truth to anybody, being gay doesn't define me as a person, does it?

[Lexington]

It's pretty easy to do within the context of nearly any conversation. For instance, you were at a concert with this guy. You could have said "I've tried taking a date to a concert like this, but it seems most gay guys are into Taylor Swift and Britney Spears-type stuff". Or commented on the relative attractiveness of the band members, or the crowd. "Unfortunately, this band mainly seems to draw straight unattractive guys."

Lex

[justsaying]

If you saw any passes at you and not only on the first date if you want to call it that, then you can tell him about you. But there is no use of you telling him how you feel about him if he has no feelings for you. You may be barking at the wrong tree then.

[dynamodean]

It is just one aspect of who you are and should be treated as a non-issue. Treat it like if he asked you for your favorite color. If he asks you, just say it. Otherwise, there's no particular reason to bring it up out of the blue (sorry for the color pun).

[Virge]

Okay... I came out to a straight guy yesterday for the first time in ages. A hot early 20s guy with a wedding ring I've seen nearly everyday at the cafe where I go for coffee and a snack between classes. The place was crowded so he sat with me and introduced himself. He asked if I was married. So I said I would be July 11th... to a guy I've been dating since 2007. He didn't even look up from the menu and just said "congratulations!!!!"

I thought that was pretty neat of him so I relaxed a bit and said it was pretty nice of him to be so easy going about it.

"I got over all that shit when I was fifteen and found out the hard way my brother and my soccer coach weren't just room mates." he said, "have you tried the cheesy corn chowder here?"

..................................... it was a perfect moment.

[ShiftyNJ]

If you saw any passes at you and not only on the first date if you want to call it that, then you can tell him about you. But there is no use of you telling him how you feel about him if he has no feelings for you. You may be barking at the wrong tree then.

I'm with someone and not into this guy "that way" at all, and pretty sure that's mutual. That's not why I would tell him... I just don't him to later feel like I was hiding something.

[ShiftyNJ]

Okay... I came out to a straight guy yesterday for the first time in ages. A hot early 20s guy with a wedding ring I've seen nearly everyday at the cafe where I go for coffee and a snack between classes. The place was crowded so he sat with me and introduced himself. He asked if I was married. So I said I would be July 11th... to a guy I've been dating since 2007. He didn't even look up from the menu and just said "congratulations!!!!"

I thought that was pretty neat of him so I relaxed a bit and said it was pretty nice of him to be so easy going about it.

"I got over all that shit when I was fifteen and found out the hard way my brother and my soccer coach weren't just room mates." he said, "have you tried the cheesy corn chowder here?"

..................................... it was a perfect moment.

Yup those are the best. "Got it... move on."

[LJay]

Has this guy outed himself to you as straight? Do you think he has an obligation to do so? If he hasn't come out as straight to you, why do you think he is so insecure about his sexuality? Are you sure you want someone who might be straight hanging around with your friends, or that you want others to talk about seeing you with him? He could be after women you know. How about that?

There is a lot to deal with here. Good luck.

[ceez]

Okay... I came out to a straight guy yesterday for the first time in ages. A hot early 20s guy with a wedding ring I've seen nearly everyday at the cafe where I go for coffee and a snack between classes. The place was crowded so he sat with me and introduced himself. He asked if I was married. So I said I would be July 11th... to a guy I've been dating since 2007. He didn't even look up from the menu and just said "congratulations!!!!"

I thought that was pretty neat of him so I relaxed a bit and said it was pretty nice of him to be so easy going about it.

"I got over all that shit when I was fifteen and found out the hard way my brother and my soccer coach weren't just room mates." he said, "have you tried the cheesy corn chowder here?"

..................................... it was a perfect moment.

Why can't I ever meet people like this, for me the second coversation is about how much they "hate faggots". :mad:

[ShiftyNJ]

Has this guy outed himself to you as straight? Do you think he has an obligation to do so? If he hasn't come out as straight to you, why do you think he is so insecure about his sexuality? Are you sure you want someone who might be straight hanging around with your friends, or that you want others to talk about seeing you with him? He could be after women you know. How about that?

There is a lot to deal with here. Good luck.

No, he hasn't, hasn't looked obviously at or mentioned women either time we were in person. I don't but I also realize most straight people take for granted that others assume this about them, and you raise a good point that I did exactly that. Maybe he will surprise me, but - as I said - I get no such vibe from him.

I'm not expecting him to freak out or anything (as I said he seemed to like or at least be fine with the silly opener's song about not using homophobic words) but as I said I'm just used to even having to bring up the topic, so I wondered how others handled it (if they do).