Friend was very flirty, I gained feelings, got rejected, confused

[heythere999]

I'm inclined to think that you enjoy the drama of a 'soap opera' or reality show relationship more than you value the actual friendship.

You can continue to play head games with one another or you can realize that endless 'convos' about how toxic your friendship is are sterile and corrosive.

He is playing games. You are playing games. You both apparently are literally playing computer games and it is probably the only thing that you should do together.

Your friend isn't ready to come out and I get the sense that when he does, you aren't going to be his romantic interest. But you also don't have to let him keep you on an emotional leash.

There are lots of other guys out there who are worth making friends with. Without all the high school drama. Get out there and find them.

I know we both are. Did you read my post from a day or two ago where I wrote a few very brave paragraphs that was incredibly straightforward? Do you think that sounds good and I should say it in person?

And I dunno about me being his romantic interest or not if he ever comes out because, well, I mean, I dunno. I mean look at my initial post... that's a hell of a lot of gay. If he's actually gay I'm not sure if he's just gay but not into me, or if he's gay and afraid to admit his feelings for me. Based on his words and actions, plus the tension that EVERYONE picks up on, I'd say it's the latter.

[Rareboy]

You'll have to be the one to decide if it is worth it to keep this never-ending story going. It sounds to me like the talking, talking, talking resolves nothing and only seems to lead to more play-acting dramatics from both of you.

The best way to likely smarten him up is to stop trying to be a supporting actor in his dramatic presentation of the play about his own life.

What I would be saying to him right now is that I understand that he may be confused and conflicted and searching for himself, but that he needs to spend some time sorting his own emotional and sexual identity shit out and that when he does.....maybe it will be possible to pick up some type of adult friendship again.

And then you should try to seek out some more mature and settled friends that you don't have to play headgames with.....if you are lucky...there is a boyfriend out there...it is just that at the moment you are wasting your time and attention on this 'friend.'

BTW. Has it perhaps occurred to you that you are doing it as a way of avoiding the harder work of developing a real and meaningful relationship with someone?

[heythere999]

You'll have to be the one to decide if it is worth it to keep this never-ending story going. It sounds to me like the talking, talking, talking resolves nothing and only seems to lead to more play-acting dramatics from both of you.

The best way to likely smarten him up is to stop trying to be a supporting actor in his dramatic presentation of the play about his own life.

What I would be saying to him right now is that I understand that he may be confused and conflicted and searching for himself, but that he needs to spend some time sorting his own emotional and sexual identity shit out and that when he does.....maybe it will be possible to pick up some type of adult friendship again.

And then you should try to seek out some more mature and settled friends that you don't have to play headgames with.....if you are lucky...there is a boyfriend out there...it is just that at the moment you are wasting your time and attention on this 'friend.'

BTW. Has it perhaps occurred to you that you are doing it as a way of avoiding the harder work of developing a real and meaningful relationship with an actual guy?

Well this guy is in my group of friends and we see each other twice a week at the very least. And I have feelings for him and I've never had feelings for a guy before and I'm not out to anyone except him and one other friend so... yeah.

And I feel like implying he's confused might make things worse. Should I not? I dunno... but I mean based on his actions it seems to me like he is.

[heythere999]

Oh, and also, why do you guys think he didn't want to get the talk overwith, let alone reply to my text? And he said "next time" probably knowing that it'd be a while.

I don't get it. Doesn't he want progression?

[araya]

But isn't it better to talk in person? I won't be able to see him in person until next Friday, but I mean, maybe this distance will be good? I don't think I should send what I wrote via text.

distancing yourself really won't help, I mean really, you'll keep dragging this on even longer, you guys keep going around a circle. see THIS

Oh, and also, why do you guys think he didn't want to get the talk overwith, let alone reply to my text? And he said "next time" probably knowing that it'd be a while.

I don't get it. Doesn't he want progression?

he clearly want to avoid you because he's still unsure of himself, if you keep it this way, when he come back, he'll just start doing that kind of things to you again then avoid you should you bring this up again and you'll be stuck in an endless loop of nauseating soap opera

[Rareboy]

Oh, and also, why do you guys think he didn't want to get the talk overwith, let alone reply to my text? And he said "next time" probably knowing that it'd be a while.

I don't get it. Doesn't he want progression?

It might be that even he is getting bored with the performance piece and can't keep up the pretense any more of being interested in this elliptical drama.

[heythere999]

distancing yourself really won't help, I mean really, you'll keep dragging this on even longer, you guys keep going around a circle. see THIS



he clearly want to avoid you because he's still unsure of himself, if you keep it this way, when he come back, he'll just start doing that kind of things to you again then avoid you should you bring this up again and you'll be stuck in an endless loop of nauseating soap opera

Well, no, what I mean is unless I somehow see him at school today which I doubt, I won't see him until next Friday. So it's no direct communication for another 10 days or I text/message him about it.

[heythere999]

It might be that even he is getting bored with the performance piece and can't keep up the pretense any more of being interested in this elliptical drama.

That might be a possibility but I kinda really doubt it. Especially with the way he was acting as a whole this weekend. And "bored" might not be the right word. "Tired" might be more accurate. Well, that's what it is for me.

[Lexington]

Keep us updated!

Lex

[heythere999]

Saw him very briefly yesterday at school. I was with one of our best friends and he called the best friend and asked where he was. I got up to use the bathroom as he was walking towards us to greet us and he smiled for a quick second and asked "why do you look so sharp today?" (I was in a dress shirt/pants/shoes) and I responded with "business presentation" and then I quickly washed my hands and came back and he didn't say anything for like 20 seconds and he just awkwardly said "(best friend) we should work on that assignment... okay I'm gonna go. Good luck guys"

Messaged him saying "Let's have the talk sometime next week after my finals on Wednesday? Since you're out-of-town this weekend. I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive; I just don't want any more negative tension between us."

And he said "yeah for sure"