Unbalanced relationship

[Zurdoknoc]

Hi:
I am in a monogamous relationship with a man who is 19 years older than me. I am 38. He is 57. It's the first time in with a man with such age difference. In general we get along well because I have had to give up on many things. We only have sex once a month (if luck is there ) he goes to sleep at 9 and I watch tv until 11. He has his own house his own assets ext and I am working to get mine. He doesn't want to share anything of getting things together. He does not want to get married because he thinks I'm stealing his assets if we divorce. He says he loves me. I am here in this country legally through a work permit. I asked him if he could help me with the immigration paperwork getting married and eh said no because he thinks I'm stealing his assets. That broke me in pieces but I let it go. He wants me to pay half of the mortgage of his house and allot the bills. I pay half of the bills and a pportion of the mortgage. Let's say 40%. After all thi said, I feel like he is not 100% ready for a committed relationship. I've done eveyrhing to please him. His wishes and goals are mine and make them happy. When I want something he just doesn't care. My main concern is that I'm afraid I've reached the "comfort zone" in this relationship that seems have no future as a couple: he doesn't want to get married. He doesn't want to buy a house together. He doesn't want to fix the "have sex every 1-2 months" he doesn't want an open relationship because he doesn't Bemiefe in that but I have to have blue balls for 2 moths waiting for sex. I love him
Muir I don't know if we are i the same level of commitment when it comes to bonding. Please advice.

[palbert]

This thread - and your previous threads - have unhappiness, "one-way street," and, to me, time to move on written all over them. You sound more like a houseboy than a lover - or even someone in a mature and committed relationship. I would seriously consider moving on.

2 1/2 years is sufficient time to try to make a relationship work.

[Zurdoknoc]

Thanks for ur response. I love this man and I just wish would be as real as I wanted it to be

[BrianNorth]

This sounds like the perfect scenario... for him. You're paying half his bills and getting nothing out of it. At minimum I'd be asking for an agreement that you earn a portion of the mortgage payment. At one point I owned a house with an ex and what we did was split the value of the principal we paid off as I was paying 50%. So if we paid 100 dollars off we'd each get $50 if something happened. It enabled me to walk away from the relationship with a future ahead of me.

In all honesty I think you need to leave. He sounds greedy and self serving. I'd advocate having a dialogue about your concerns but he sounds like he's stringing you along until you get annoyed with paying his bills.

[araya]

I'd leave him for good, thinking your lover as a bloodsucking ticks when they really wanna do things together, sharing everything with you, is unacceptable

[Zurdoknoc]

We hace had this conversation before. He is not Welling to give a full commitments but he wants the benefits ofit and I said no. After that. He just doesn't want to be committed. He is selfish and only cares about himself. My Xmas present last year was a $30 Costco Xmas his was a 600 Galaxy tablet. ...guess what? 1 month after he bought a $400 dlls tommy hillfiger luggage set for him. Was I pissed? Not really. I was just disappointed. I just let it go. On my bday? He didn't even say happy bday. I made a big deal out of it and then he took me to dinner the next Saturday in the first restaurant that had seats available. Was that romantic? Not really. Did I take it in a positive way. I did. I'm stupid and in love

[Borg69]

You can't force him to be something he's not. You either accept him as is or you don't.

Clearly you're not happy, and being taken advantage of.

Wish for a million dollars. World peace. A 12" penis. For him to change. What are your odds of getting any of them?

[Pcolakuntryboy]

You say you're in love with him, but what things about him do you love? I'm not hearing very many positive qualities.

[Darius]

Zurdok, you sound like a nice guy. It's bad enough what he does to you, but why are you doing it to yourself. You can do better, buddy.

[ShiftyNJ]

You say you're in love with him, but what things about him do you love? I'm not hearing very many positive qualities.

Beat me to it.