Do you fall for guys who treat you badly?

[Ralwatt]

When I met my first boyfriend online we got together pretty quickly, and after about six months I moved to America to live with him, but while we were together he treated me pretty badly a lot of the time, he turned down all of my sexual advances, even cuddling, and actually slept with another guy while we were attendng a convention, while I was in the room. He refused to share a bed with me, so I spent three months sleeping on the sofa. He also took out his frustrations on me, getting very angry at times, but turning masochistic if he made me angry in return. He also expected me to do everything around the house since I had no job, even though I was paying my half of the bills and paying for all of the shopping. He also never wanted to go out anywhere with me, leaving me stuck in a tiny apartment with no windows all day, every day, only leaving at night to shop or occasionally visit a friend of his. In the end he told me things weren't working out and dumped me, but even after all of that I still loved him and I still miss him even now.

My second boyfriend I met at a Pride march. We spent a few hours together with others in a cafe and he gae me his number. I sent him a text but got no reply for about a month. He claimed that he just never got the message and we arranged a date together. The date went really well, and by the end of the evening we were kissing, and we exchanged text messages the next day, but then when I tried to contact him a few days later to arrange to meet again he gave no rely to my text messages or phone calls. I thought that he must just not be interested, but I couldn't stop thinking about him, so about a month later I tried calling him again, and he actually picked up the phone. He fed me a story about my phone number not showing up when I called him, and I was all too eager to forgive him even though I knew he was lying. In the end that pattern carried on until after an eventual second date he didn't pick up his phone even when I tried calling hourly for several days, (I'm pretty sad, I know. ^^ so in the end I just gave up, since it eventually became clear that he just didn't want to talk to me. I still really miss him, and think about him a lot.

The two experiences made me wonder if I'm actually more attracted to guys who treat me badly, and I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I feel a little embarassed talking about this, but it's not easy to talk to my parents about it since they never really see my submissive, almost masochistic sexual side.

[Phil]

Sounds like ya were just unlucky....the masochistic sexual side can be indulged in with someone who actually respects/values ya!

[Ralwatt]

Sounds like ya were just unlucky....the masochistic sexual side can be indulged in with someone who actually respects/values ya!

It's not as if I like being treated badly, I just don't really get why I still care so much for guys who did, or why I'm always prepared to take their bad treatment.

[Australia]

Sorry to hear about this. The guy just sounds like a jerk and I'm amazed you stuck around for so long. As soon as someone starts treating you like just *swear word omg*. No one deserves to be treated like that and if they start doing it at all then they dont love or respect you.

[Phil]

loneliness?

[Ralwatt]

Sorry to hear about this. The guy just sounds like a jerk and I'm amazed you stuck around for so long. As soon as someone starts treating you like just *swear word omg*. No one deserves to be treated like that and if they start doing it at all then they dont love or respect you.

Thanks hon. I guess I'm too forgving of guys that I have feelings for, I'm always making excues for them.

loneliness?

I guess you're probably right, yeah, it certainly doesn't help.

In a way when I was with those guys I hoped that if I did everything I could to be the ideal boyfriend that they might want to treat me better as a result. And actually, I felt like I must be failing somehow when they didn't

[marshlander]

I agree with Phil! Sounds like you were unlucky. You've learned something about men being bastards. With any luck that will inform your next choice of partner.

Don't worry about feeling embarrassed, we've all done it. I still shudder to think of the way I behaved when I fell in love with a man when I was much older than you :eek: It was almost an out-of-body experience watching myself behaving like a complete dope and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Weird!

When you do find someone nice though, I promise you there isn't anything else like it. mile: Just value yourself enough to do as Australia suggested, if another bad situation arises. You know you're worth it!

[Phil]

I guess you're probably right, yeah, it certainly doesn't help.

In a way when I was with those guys I hoped that if I did everything I could to be the ideal boyfriend that they might want to treat me better as a result. And actually, I felt like I must be failing somehow when they didn't

It's hard to change people ...regardless as to how "ideal" ya try to become....third time lucky and all that ...wait for someone who'll appreciate ya back!

[Ralwatt]

I agree with Phil! Sounds like you were unlucky. You've learned something about men being bastards. With any luck that will inform your next choice of partner.

Don't worry about feeling embarrassed, we've all done it. I still shudder to think of the way I behaved when I fell in love with a man when I was much older than you :eek: It was almost an out-of-body experience watching myself behaving like a complete dope and feeling powerless to do anything about it. Weird!

When you do find someone nice though, I promise you there isn't anything else like it. mile: Just value yourself enough to do as Australia suggested, if another bad situation arises. You know you're worth it!

Awww, thank you. ^^

I hope that next time it happens I will have to good sense to take that advice and just leave rather than getting into that situation again.

[Ralwatt]

It's hard to change people ...regardless as to how "ideal" ya try to become....third time lucky and all that ...wait for someone who'll appreciate ya back!

Yeah, I just tend to blame myself first in relationships I guess. I need to learn to shift the blame. xD