Ralwatt Wrote:When I met my first boyfriend online we got together pretty quickly, and after about six months I moved to America to live with him, but while we were together he treated me pretty badly a lot of the time, he turned down all of my sexual advances, even cuddling, and actually slept with another guy while we were attendng a convention, while I was in the room. He refused to share a bed with me, so I spent three months sleeping on the sofa. He also took out his frustrations on me, getting very angry at times, but turning masochistic if he made me angry in return. He also expected me to do everything around the house since I had no job, even though I was paying my half of the bills and paying for all of the shopping. He also never wanted to go out anywhere with me, leaving me stuck in a tiny apartment with no windows all day, every day, only leaving at night to shop or occasionally visit a friend of his. In the end he told me things weren't working out and dumped me, but even after all of that I still loved him and I still miss him even now.
My second boyfriend I met at a Pride march. We spent a few hours together with others in a cafe and he gae me his number. I sent him a text but got no reply for about a month. He claimed that he just never got the message and we arranged a date together. The date went really well, and by the end of the evening we were kissing, and we exchanged text messages the next day, but then when I tried to contact him a few days later to arrange to meet again he gave no rely to my text messages or phone calls. I thought that he must just not be interested, but I couldn't stop thinking about him, so about a month later I tried calling him again, and he actually picked up the phone. He fed me a story about my phone number not showing up when I called him, and I was all too eager to forgive him even though I knew he was lying. In the end that pattern carried on until after an eventual second date he didn't pick up his phone even when I tried calling hourly for several days, (I'm pretty sad, I know. ^^
so in the end I just gave up, since it eventually became clear that he just didn't want to talk to me. I still really miss him, and think about him a lot.
The two experiences made me wonder if I'm actually more attracted to guys who treat me badly, and I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.
I feel a little embarassed talking about this, but it's not easy to talk to my parents about it since they never really see my submissive, almost masochistic sexual side.
Hiya babes,
When in a relationship if you love someone you tend to put up with alot of shit from them.. I have had four previous partners and three of them treated me like shit but when your in love love is blind...
James - number 1,
I met him on gaydar and we arranged to meet.. Now james told me that i was unable to have sex with him unless i told him we were offically and item (it was our first day so that night i for the sake of needing a shag) told him that i loved him but didnt and got my way.. As the days went by he was caring to start with but the moment i spoke to a guy called shane he went a bit mad and envious about the whole situation.. Shane seemed to show alot of care about me and looking back on it i should have ditched james there and then but didnt.. I found that he was becoming more and more possessive to the point he was pissing me off and i ditched him and got a train back home...
Mark - 2nd boyfriend
Mark i met on a online game known as Myth of soma.. All seemed well and i moved to inverness... When i got there it was going good and then a week later he told me his father was Anti english and i wasnt welcome.. I was kinda upset and said ok ill go but will be back at christmas babes and he was cool with that.. I returned at christmas and found out he had been shagging my best mate which by this time i had moved in offically and was heart broken.. I sat up all night listening to Hero by enrique Eglias typing a letter to mark about us and sobbing my heart out.. He didnt care he told me i was to sleep in the spare bed as him and simon are sleeping in the bed where we once shared our memories.. I was totally devistated and upon returning home i listened to gareth gates anyone one of us and slashed my arms legs, any part of my body i could get blood to flow from open. I was a nervous wreck.. Id smoked 80 cigarettes in one day and was stressed to the eyeballs.. I suffered depression for 18 months and lost 8-9 stone in weight.. I just felt as though life was not worth living and mark was still controlling my life even after i moved away as he was telling me he wanted me and i was falling for it but never went back up there.. I was totally shattered... I had thrown several lighters one night in a bus shelter at him and simon for making out infront of me and then got kicked out.. Had to steal 50 quid to get home and spent one night in a BNB in inverness bleeding whilst i went to sleep.. My mind was totally fucked...
Liam - 3rd partner
Liam i met through a friend.. We walked to brighton marina and shared a kiss at the end of the arm leading out to sea and it was nice he took me to my first gay club and sex was great just his friend got possessive of him and that ended that one
Dan 4th boyfriend
Dan was a sweet guy just never spoke much and i think in three months of being with him i had got about 6 sentences out of him... One night i was cooking dinner cutting up turkey meat when i broke down in tears and said babes i got something i need to tell you.. He said whats that?? I then said im sorry but i have fallen completely out of love with you.. I dont know why or how but i no longer love you.. Your a good friend and the love aspect isnt there anymore... After this relationship ended i decided to give up wanting to be loved until...
Wayne 5th partner
I met wayne through a local friend and he was originally my one night stand excep[t next day i couldnt say goodbye.. He is 8 years older than me and after we got into a relationship i said to him.. Babes ya know what??? Your my partner not my possession.. I am not gonna control yab treat ya like shit etc but if ya do something ya shouldnt i will go mad.. Well i got his drinking right down to 2/3 times a month from every night and have got him off smoking.. We have been together for three years and still going strong. We have our little bicker moments but as well as doing the same job we still look out for one another... I have been screamed at by him and also screamed back at him for doing wrong doings etc but love is blind when it comes to abusive partners and wayne and dan were the only two that didnt play with my emotions
Babes when you meet someone next time the first time they treat you shit you tell em that ya aint there to take that and its dis respectful ya dont treat em like shit and they dont treat u like it either.. Partners dont abuse one another if ya love one another truely.. I know if my partner got aggressive with me id end up taking the beating because its what ive been used to but i know after someone gave my boyfriend vodka and he turned very vicious i had to throw him onto a bed and shout go to fucking bed NOW
This worked and he slept it off so i forgave him but in the long wrong partners are not there as punch bags and i have told my friends if their partners ever attacked em id be out to get their partners back as i protect my mates 100%
In a person try to find the ones who are willing to treat you like a partner not a punchbag babes
kindest regards babes
zeon
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The ones who dont go out of my life asap. I can pretty much tell withing 5 mins conversation what the other person could be like ...roughly. Usually i am strikingly right but now i learnt to keep my mouth shut when people ask me what i think about someone. I suggest you do the same baby, dont victimise your self doesnt worth it , life is short and has a lot of lessons to offer that doesnt have to be bad- these lessons are what you choose them to be. 
Do you get any pleasure when they treat you bad or do you actually satisfy a mazochistic or submisive side as you mentioned? Maybe you are just a sweet kind hearted guy with not much experience who is actually very romantic and want to live the dream.
