I'm not attracted to my husband

[Bricg1970]

Playing games it's not right in any form, simply its not fair, you should assume the responsability and be honest to yourself and to him, if you feel you can't tell him, you have a problem and you need to fix it. You can live bearing the problem indefinitely or fix it in benefit of both. He probably feel the same

[BlueSky]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. Reading my post again, I can see what what I suggested is downright awful. I'm not a mean person but I sure came off as one. Thank you for the blunt honesty, I will not be playing games with him.

10 years is a long time to wait, and it's been a few years too long. We did try to repair this relationship though. He had problems living with someone else initially and we corrected those. Then I became aware of his controlling nature, once again corrected in therapy. Getting a better lifestyle didn't help either. Now that all my doubt has been cleared up, I will muster up the courage to tell him the truth as he deserves.

I like the ideas of expressing my thoughts in a letter or going to a therapist to help with this.

[meridannight]

When I agreed to be his BF, I didn’t find him physically attractive.

I feel no desire to kiss him or show him much affection but I do care for him deeply.

I moved in with him to get away from my parents but I’ve never had the guts to end it.

I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to him or me. I want him to feel the need to dissolve this marriage too but I don’t know how. I’ve feared spending the rest of my life alone, never connecting with someone again. As an introvert I don’t have many friends and fear not getting along with another partner. Frankly at this point I feel no relationship is better than one formed out of convenience.

I need a strategy to gradually bring this issue to his attention. I know it will take months but it needs to be done. I also need to find people I can talk to. Finding and keeping friends, a completely different problem for me.

Would it make sense to start doing more activities without him? Becoming more obvious in my daily jerking off without him? Calling out other guys I find attractive?

My parents lived in a romanceless marriage, I can’t drink myself to death like they did.

you're a fucking dick!

forget about ''doing more activities without him''. just tell the guy the truth. all of it. he deserves at least the truth for having to had to live 10 years of that.

you're such a fucking asshole. it's been about your comfort. when you needed to get away from your parents, it was apparently fine moving in with him for life (because ASKING FOR HELP never occurred to you). but you can't bring yourself to want to kiss him or show him intimacy. even now, you're right about needing to end this relationship, but you want him to want out of the commitment so you'd get away clean and guilt-free. what a dick. do you understand what kind of low crap you're pulling on him? how do you look yourself in the mirror?

so as long as you don't drink yourself to death, it's still okay to lead him on a little further? is that it?

i have no fucking words for this type of conduct. it pisses me off. leading a guy on while you got away from your parents and what not, that would have been understandable. but you've been putting this up for 10 years. oh you were hoping for attraction to suddenly appear? give me a break. are you really that slow?

just face it up you've wasted 10 years of his life and yours.

I need a strategy to gradually bring this issue to his attention.

what ''strategy''? tell him the truth. stop this fucking charade. you're a liar and a fake. nothing's gonna undo that. if you really care about him ''deeply'', like you say (that concept is incompatible with how you've behaved, by the way), you wouldn't want to waste any more of his time on this pretense. he deserves honesty even if you end up getting the worst. stop thinking about yourself for one minute and get at least this one thing right.

[Hardheaded1]

^Bipolar much, or just drunk?

Your post is a disgrace.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Meridannight your post is not only offensive to the OP, it's offensive to me and I'm sure others reading it.

Read it when you sober up, then delete it.

[meridannight]

i wasn't drunk when i wrote it.

[MikeW]

Hmmm… Interesting. I note of internal forum conflict

Perhaps we should start a therapy thread.

One forum I moderated had what we called "The Boxing Ring" … If hostility showed up between two or more members, we had the ability to select their posts and shuffle them into "The Ring." That way people could continue to argue or insult one another or w/e to their hearts content -- without disrupting or derailing the rest of the forum. Their posting privileges were limited to that forum until they either left, were banned for an infraction of the TOU or got their posting personas under control. It kinda sorta worked but was a lot of trouble because it was a very contentious forum. LO!

[East]

I get a little sad when I read these stories because I have known people who were in these situations and it is kinda heartbreaking for everyone....

One of my best friends I ever had ...the guy he loved and was happy in a relationship with committed suicide because of this and it destroyed my friend who went on to die himself. In his suicide letter he "wished" he was more sexually attracted to him because he loved him so much and he would rather kill himself than break his heart....

I was devastated for my friend..for both of them..I still am when I think of it (like right now).....

I don't have any advice...I think your situation is incredibly difficult....but if you were in front of me...I would give you a hug and wish you both the best...

[Hardheaded1]

I'm not clear why the post hasn't been removed by mod action. It is clearly abusive.

[BlueStar]

i wasn't drunk when i wrote it.

And I felt the same way you expressed it when I read the OP. Thank you.