I'm not attracted to my husband

[Hardheaded1]

The abuse was not relevant. It was self-serving, as it always is.

As for honest, veracity is not at question. I don't believe anyone has questioned Meridannight's sincerity. He sincerely has antipathy for the OP.

A wifebeater sincerely hates his wife.

A rapist sincerely wants sex and domination at any cost.

An embezzler sincerely wants wealth above integrity.

Abuse is abuse. Excusing it, ironically, is a refutation of the argument some are making to defend the abusive language. The same people are unwilling to "overlook" the OP's transgressions, but have no problem overlooking Meridannight's. Dual standards.

And, as East has also correctly noted, the abuse was posted after the OP "owned his shit," making it all the more egregious. Further, a friend has the prerogative of judging when extremes are called for, not a stranger.

[meridannight]

As for honest, veracity is not at question. I don't believe anyone has questioned Meridannight's sincerity. He sincerely has antipathy for the OP.

A wifebeater sincerely hates his wife.

A rapist sincerely wants sex and domination at any cost.

An embezzler sincerely wants wealth above integrity.

Abuse is abuse. Excusing it, ironically, is a refutation of the argument some are making to defend the abusive language. The same people are unwilling to "overlook" the OP's transgressions, but have no problem overlooking Meridannight's. Dual standards.

And, as East has also correctly noted, the abuse was posted after the OP "owned his shit," making it all the more egregious. Further, a friend has the prerogative of judging when extremes are called for, not a stranger.

for fuck's sake man! if you're so convinced the post should be removed then why not report it to Andy? why keep endlessly talking about it and dragging the subject out? why keep arguing with others over what another member said? either do something, or let it go. dragging people into useless arguments, and crusading for your moral standards is rather pointless on its own.

i said what i said and i stand by it. for me the subject is over. you keep coming back to repeat the one and the same thing ad nauseam. if you cared so much for the ''abuse'' then the appropriate thing to do would have been to notify Andy. instead you keep arguing because what? you want everybody to agree with you? again, do something or drop it. this is completely pointless what you're doing right now.

and for your information, i don't have antipathy for the OP. i have antipathy for his behavior and actions. the two are separate things. and i don't always read the whole thread before answering. i read the first post and answer that first post. neither of which is relevant to what my opinion is on what the OP did anyway.

[Bhp91126]

I'm pretty sure that people operate under different definitions of "abuse" in this discussion
As per MW
ABUSE:
1: a corrupt practice or custom
2: improper or excessive use or treatment : misuse <drug abuse>
3: obsolete : a deceitful act : deception
4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
5: physical maltreatment

I think #4 applies here and while meridannights language was angry and intemperate (the name calling), I don't think it was unjust. The OP is "guilty" of all the stuff M accused him of, as evident in his op.

[BlueStar]

GS members need to argue from time to time, and this will never make our dear forum an uncivilized place. People have opinions, and none of us would ever abuse another member intentionally. Do not shut your eyes nor your ears guys, arguing is sometimes healthy. I do not have to explain more.

[East]

GS members need to argue from time to time, and this will never make our dear forum an uncivilized place. People have opinions, and none of us would ever abuse another member intentionally. Do not shut your eyes nor your ears guys, arguing is sometimes healthy. I do not have to explain more.

You are a smart man BlueStar

[meridannight]

arguing is sometimes healthy. I do not have to explain more.

yup. can't argue with that.

[BlueSky]

Since this discussion is still going on and perhaps to provide some closure, here's a little update. I came clean to my husband. He saw the issues too but we've gotten along great as best friends. We're now being completely honest with each other while we slowly figure out what to do over the next several months. It's the most difficult thing I've done but it is necessary and fair.

I don't regret the experiences we've had together, I only wish they were under the context of best friends instead of partners and later marriage. Hopefully this story might help others out and provide a nugget of wisdom for young couples in similar situations. Honestly I feel really dumb though.

Lastly, while meridannight's comments were difficult to read, I don't consider them abuse. Sometimes the truth cannot be sugar-coated. As harsh and blunt as the response was, I felt it completely necessary to get me off my duff and avoid repeating similar courses. The one caveat, if someone is not in a good place mentally such a direct response might send them over the edge to do something tragic. It's difficult to judge how stable one is just from reading text, but I don't know a good solution to that and it's off-topic anyways.

[East]

Since this discussion is still going on and perhaps to provide some closure, here's a little update. I came clean to my husband. He saw the issues too but we've gotten along great as best friends. We're now being completely honest with each other while we slowly figure out what to do over the next several months. It's the most difficult thing I've done but it is necessary and fair.

I don't regret the experiences we've had together, I only wish they were under the context of best friends instead of partners and later marriage. Hopefully this story might help others out and provide a nugget of wisdom for young couples in similar situations. Honestly I feel really dumb though.

Lastly, while meridannight's comments were difficult to read, I don't consider them abuse. Sometimes the truth cannot be sugar-coated. As harsh and blunt as the response was, I felt it completely necessary to get me off my duff and avoid repeating similar courses. The one caveat, if someone is not in a good place mentally such a direct response might send them over the edge to do something tragic. It's difficult to judge how stable one is just from reading text, but I don't know a good solution to that and it's off-topic anyways.

I wish you both the very best and I am so happy you have a direction now to follow....

I said it before but since you brought it up ...I was once saved by someone like meridian who gave me harsh advice...and as difficult as it was to hear (I was furious initially)....I later figured out he was right and I was so grateful to him for having the balls to say it...to this day...I will never forget it...so I am happy that you see it the way you do. Sometimes it takes harsh words to make us listen....I know it does for me....

Again..my best to you both on the journey ahead...thanks for the update!

[Hardheaded1]

It is good to hear the OP found a path.

As tempting as it would be to credit his turn to the abuse, it is clear from those who have read the entire thread that he chose that path before being attacked. The circling of wagons around the abusive post doesn't change that.

The return post by BlueSky has become the paramount thing now, correctly, including his responses to the forum in addition to his relationship.

[Beaux]

It is good to hear the OP found a path.

As tempting as it would be to credit his turn to the abuse, it is clear from those who have read the entire thread that he chose that path before being attacked. The circling of wagons around the abusive post doesn't change that.

The return post by BlueSky has become the paramount thing now, correctly, including his responses to the forum in addition to his relationship.

Get over yourself already.
~Beaux