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you should talk to him. he's going through some difficult times, and is under a type of stress he hasn't been under before. but i doubt it's as bad as everything falling apart. from your point of view it might seem a little amplified.
talk to him. you're not gonna figure this out alone. you're both in this relationship, so you both need to decide on a game plan.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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I know I haven't explained myself well...so I'm going to try to go into a little more detail. I'm not trying to be selfish or not be compassionate to the situation. He is hurting still but has started moving on with time. My husband mourning his father has never been the problem either has his mother's mourning. He has accepted it and we work through it day by day. His mother has never been Okay with the fact that he is gay. To the point that we got married and told her after through fact. She is using her husband's death as a way for someone to take care of her. At first, yes of course, she needed help, but over time she started using the situation to stop having to do anything for herself. She will call my husband away from her to make her coffee, to go to the front door to get her mail, even call him down to throw away a piece of trash when the trash can is sitting directly beside of her. He wants to leave here even more than I do, and constantly tells me he wants our lives back....that he knows it's gotten to the point that she is only taking advantage of him. THIS is why he is so depressed. She is making him guilty. Making him feel like he can't or shouldn't leave. He has a sister that lives an hour away that stopped coming to visit for this very reason.
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He isn't a mamma's boy. He wants out of the situation just as much as I do...but she is laying on the quilt Anytime he mentions leaving. So he is torn and is feeling like a failure....to me...to her....to himself....my husband is an amazing person and loves me with all his soul....he feels trapped and I don't know how to save him.... and it is destroying me...because he saved me once....and now I just feel hopeless...he has an extreme anxiety disorder...brought on from his family and being bullied when he was in school...I'm the only person who makes him feel safe....
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OK...if you want to help him...you need to get him away from her...and get him to counseling ASAP...she will just make him worse the longer he stays and it might be up to you to make the push to get him away from the situation....
The guilt feelings he has are probably ingrained in him from birth if she is that kind of woman...he will need help overcoming them...
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I would do anything for him....ANYTHING.... it's just such a sensitive situation....I don't know how to go about getting it fixed.
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Oh, WeepingAngel, I'm so sorry for you and for him and for his loss. This is a time when he's probably got a lot going on in his head, his heart and his life (as it were, internal life). He's processing something that can take ages. You are living with mum, and you realise that you might need to be out of that place to recover your former life. Well, death can be a life changing experience and it could just be that he's not ready to process this with you, nor the implications to his and your life in terms of taking care of an aging mother (I say "aging" whatever her age, not to be crass but because this experience is not goint to leave her without any feelings either, most probably). It's not just the "living at mum's" factor that's going to be a libido reducer, maybe it's sheer depression that has set in, and maybe it's not identifiable as that, but I suspect that it's taking its toll on his sexual urges.
Is this a question of remaining patient, or being understanding, of trying to pry gently some answers out of his about his emotions, what this death means to him etc... Now I'll read the rest of the posts and your answers and see if I suggest anything else to complement this suggestion to suffer this loss with patience? ... It doesn't mean you have to stay silent about how YOU are processing it. Are you afraid he might feel you're selfish if you worded some grievance?
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Really Needing Advice Please!
