Cheating : What is costs. What is destroys.

[Borg69]

I'm sorry but I want to kick his ass now you would think a psychologist would think of the risks before cheating. go out and spoil yourself.

IMO psychologists are only good at assessing others emotions and not their own.

... I think he subconsciously wanted to get caught. He knew Ray was home, he knew there was a security system. He knew Virge would question the sheets. He knew the consequences.

I think the move and everything else was too much too fast to assimilate. Virge did a great job trying to make him feel welcome but it was still "invading" someone else's space, changing too many self identities and no real sense of self other than Virge's husband. He panicked and threw a monkey wrench in the roller coaster. ... or he's a completely self centered idiot whom doesn't deserve his degree in psychology - but I'd find that hard to believe.

[meridannight]

I think the move and everything else was too much too fast to assimilate. Virge did a great job trying to make him feel welcome but it was still "invading" someone else's space, changing too many self identities and no real sense of self other than Virge's husband. He panicked and threw a monkey wrench in the roller coaster. ...

i can really relate to this. (not saying this was the case here, i don't know him and what kind of person he is). but i would struggle with feeling that i am in control of my life, if i moved in to another guy's home, drove his car, and had no long-term friends of my own in that place, etc. i need that base that is my own, and no-one else's. i'd need something, my own place, my own car, to feel that basic independence that is necessary for me to function normally.

again, this isn't an attempt to get at the bottom of this (i am in no position to do that, nor am i interested in speculating about it) or blame anybody/anything. i am only talking about myself.

[MikeW]

IMO psychologists are only good at assessing others emotions and not their own.

... I think he subconsciously wanted to get caught. He knew Ray was home, he knew there was a security system. He knew Virge would question the sheets. He knew the consequences.

I think the move and everything else was too much too fast to assimilate. Virge did a great job trying to make him feel welcome but it was still "invading" someone else's space, changing too many self identities and no real sense of self other than Virge's husband. He panicked and threw a monkey wrench in the roller coaster. ... or he's a completely self centered idiot whom doesn't deserve his degree in psychology - but I'd find that hard to believe.

I wasn't going to say it out of respect for [MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION] , but since you've put it on the table I have to do more than just "thank" it. I agree… that's exactly what this looks like… total self-sabotage.

[verysimple]

I'm damn sure of something, that I will never ever let any soul rip away what I've dedicated my life on building up.

I'm crushed to hear this big brother. I know it shouldn't revive my hatred but it does...

You've been there for me, so I should be here for you.

Love you big bro. Stay sharp!! xx

BlueStar just put what I felt into words better than I did... Yes, You're AMAZING! And like you've been there for us, we are here for you at all times! Love u bro.

[Rareboy]

I also think that either Ray is a class 1 sociopath...or he is feeling a little penned in at the moment. When my guy returned to Toronto to live with me as a partner....I could tell that he was still uncertain as to whether forever was forever...and I gave him all the latitude he needed. Honestly I wouldn't have cared about the sex...it was only ever the threat of whether he might fall in love with someone else.

Well...I'll never know if he fucked around or didn't...but I know he never strayed in his heart.

And 34 years on...it doesn't matter much what might or might not have happened at the beginning of our relationship...I know that for at least 33 of those years...neither of us have ever strayed emotionally...or likely sexually. We complete one another.

[Darius]

IMO psychologists are only good at assessing others emotions and not their own.

Rather than telling people they need to own their own shit, they use psychobabble to explain it all away. That way the person doesn't have to feel too bad about what they did. Some things are just wrong and you need to be honest about your wrongdoing.

[ChadCoxRox]

Well I'm not very active lately here but damn if this thread doesn't require a response.
This thread SUCKS!!
I just CANNOT get past the event happening in your own home, in your own bed.
Virge, if he screwed up screwing around out on the town or better, out of the home, that's one thing, but to do it at such risk as your own home and your own bed?
pfffft.
I've got to leave and maybe come back later.

[Cinestry]

I have been unsure about whether I should reply to this thread or not, as you don't really know me, but when I first read the story it did something to me and I guess I just want to say I'm sorry this has happened.
I spent a lot of time reading on this forum a few months back and your posts about you two always made me smile so I really felt it in my heart reading this. I have a lot of respect for the way you're handling this and I hope things will get better for you over time.

[ShiftyNJ]

I also think that either Ray is a class 1 sociopath...or he is feeling a little penned in at the moment.

Just for clarity, Ray is the straight live-in best friend (who is also on here, and may wonder what he's done). Jay is the partner.
[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION] I am truly sorry the rug has been yanked out from under you guys. Wishing you peace and strength for the days ahead.

[MikeW]

I also think that either Ray is a class 1 sociopath...

You do mean "Jay" not "Ray" right?