Is it fair to pay half of my boyfriends mortgage?

[Iceblink]

Approaching it from an amount that would be market rent for you half is more realistic.Then you could split the monthly expenses. He should be responsible for his own mortgage unless he wants the contract rewritten.

You might also consider getting a place on your own.

I think that is a good idea. One thing for the OP to remember, this is not a standard rental of a condo or apartment situation when looking for prices in the area. Since the place is owner-occupied, this is a renting a room with house privileges situation.

Your second point is also a good one. I think there might be more to this than just how much each person should contribute. I am wondering if one person is the relationship is looking for a boyfriend situation in his life and the other is looking for something more like marriage.

[Borg69]

I swear I've read this here before... ???

[East]

You are not in a relationship with him.

He is your landlord. You are his tenant.

I don't know why he treats you the way he does. He has not spoken here. It doesn't matter though.....

Can you find better cirsumstances elswhere? If so...I would advise it.

I am basing this response on your whole body of posts here....

You need to start looking after your own best interests. Maybe find a man who is actually interested in you and vice versa.

[Borg69]

I swear I've read this here before... ???

https://gayspeak.com/showpost.php?p=540692&postcount=17

[MikeW]

https://gayspeak.com/showpost.php?p=540692&postcount=17

Ok, so what do we have here?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Its not like The way you are putting it. I did not respond with anger at all. And he wants to do it because he has been burnt out in the past and left without nothing. He has a trust for his house under his kids name. I have no right or power about that. He is the type of man whom won't work out a solution to get an equal equal solution. He only wants his own wellness. I have planed trips. He won't go because "he can't get time off" he as planed his own trips abs then he can get time off...then ITs my problem to Get time off or "u going with our without you"
I told him to split the bills I pay and he just bailed : "Cancell your bills ". So in other words your equation X-Y-Z does not work at all in this situation. Would you pay for your neighbor mortgage without you being on the title? Think about it then answer

Stop right there.

Step back and look at the bigger picture of your relationship here.

This isn't about mortgage payments, this isn't about trips, this is about personalities over principles.

This mortgage/rent thing is a symbol of something greater.

What that is I cannot be 100% certain - control issues? security issues? Domination issues? IDK - it could be just one, or a little of all with a lot of other things thrown in here.

Its way to easy to allow a thing a situation to become a symbol of a much larger issue - thus we end up focusing on that symbolic thing and think if we fix that then everything is ok. Rarely does it work out that way.

The symbol of 'the problem' just gets transferred to another thing.

"He only wants his own wellness."

Therein lies the problem. This is the disease, the rent thing the vacation thing and whatever other examples you can throw out there are just symptoms. Sure you can treat the symptoms and make the patient comfortable - however it will not cure the disease - and I assure you that this sort of disease if left untreated is terminal to the patient.

And the patient is your relationship.

[Hardheaded1]

There are some missing elements. How long has your partner paid on his mortgage? How much equity does he have in the condominium? If I had paid for 15 years on a mortgage, and I didn't have a married partner, I can't imagine why I would jeopardize my accrued equity on an impermanent relationship.

You resent paying against a mortgage without owning, but you don't explain how you haven't been doing that already. If you paid rent anywhere, that's exactly what you'd be doing.

The comparison to renting out rooms doesn't seem legitimate, as you are truly splitting the use of the entire condominium, lock, stock and barrel. If I had a partner who was ready to share a home with me but not the expenses, I'd wonder if I were not just being a patsy.

You mention your age gap, but then ignored it in your exposition. Why? I think it may be because he does have equity, it is a factor, and you are simply too young to have had to buy a home yet. It matters.

[Butterfingers]

If you were the sole renter of the property your rent would be enough to at least cover any mortgage payment and probably more. However you would have total control of the property within the confines of the rental agreement.
As it seems to now stand, if you were to pay half of the mortgage payment would you have the same possession privileges of the residence as the one whose name is on the mortgage? If you pay 50% you should have equal rights and privileges.
Your name being on the mortgage and title is not relevant, your full rights as one who pays for 1/2 of the cost of the residence that you reside in is what matters.

[Rareboy]

I swear I've read this here before... ???

Dear God...

So about once a month or so, the OP posts the same sad tale about being in an abusive co-dependent, toxic relationship...and the issues never change.

It must be worse than 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf' in this household.

Sometimes I think that we're all being trolled by someone who has these two horrible characters running around inside their brain and has to let them out every so often...but then I realize that there are real people who are locked in this same kind of horrible 'relationship'

To the OP.

No. You shouldn't have to pay for anything that you are not getting equity in. Other than that, you should pay for 50% of the operating expenses and food costs if you want to be in a balanced relationship. And do 50% of the household chores. In this case, costs appear to include a rental fee.

As we understand that you don't actually fuck one another any more, he is entitled to set the rent at market rates and you are entitled to stay or move out.

[Iceblink]

Zurdoknoc, looking back at your previous thread, the two of you no longer having sex and his unwillingness to assist you with the financial problem you were having then, and now this new problem of him wanting you to pay exactly half of the mortgage and some expenses, which seems more like a roommate situation then a couple in a relationship situation, it seems he may be sending you a message about where your relationship is at this point. Perhaps his actions are a quiet push for you to move on, trying to avoid actually coming out and saying it? Have you considered that possibility?