I hate my appearence and feel unattractive...

[subdivisions]

Okay, so, a lot of people say they hate their appearence. But it depends on the reason.

Too heavy set? There is a cure for that. It's not easy, but there is one. Exercise, dieting, I mean there are supplements too but I don't know how safe they are. And of course surgeries which, if it's a lot of weight, insurance may cover.

Baldness? Well for guys, bald guys can be really hot in my opinion. But if not, there's answers for that too. Some more costly than others But they usually work.

Acne? That's curable. So are many skin conditions. Or at least they can be covered, which isn't permanent but is something.

None of those are my problem.

My problem is I hate my face. My facial features. I feel like this is why most guys have no interest in me.

Now I know someone will say that there's a (usually costly) cure for that too. Plastic surgery. I mean besides not having the money for that, even if I did, it usually comes with a lot of complications. And a lot of bad results. The only results I've seen that look good are on people who looked good to begin with.

Some surgeries are affordable. My friend hates certain things about her appearence too, but she researched the surgery and doctor she wants to perform it and it's affordable.

One of my problems is with my nose. And rhinoplasty almost never turns out good. Another is with my lips (this is the one that usually isn't too costly but still). And my facial hair pattern. I've never heard of a fix for this... laser or electrolysis removal, yes. But to add more or rearrange it? Unless I want to use spirit gum and try to make a fake beard or something.

I also don't like my eyes and would like light blue or green. I know contact lenses exist but they look fake usually and my eyes are sensitive so they're uncomfortable for me (I have tried them before). And I have tendencies to randomly fall asleep, which wouldn't be good with contacts in. I also know of the eye implants but almost everyone who gets them has problems with them, and in my opinion they look fake and terrible. There is a laser surgery in the works to turn dark brown eyes blue... but it's not public yet and I don't know if it'll be the shade I want. I guess I'm just being picky now though.

I know that someone will say that someone will like my facial features or whatever. Well the thing is, the only guys who seem to have interest in me are guys I have no interest in. Usually guys in their 40's or 50's. Or guys who think I'm desperate when I'm not.

Anyone else have this or a similar problem? (Also, I won't post pics of my face because I don't feel safe doing that.)

[matty7]

well I hate to be blunt maybe you just have to live with what you have....id love to give the "love yourself speech"and that there's a guy for everyone follow up , but that wont help - you could try a professional hair stylist / grooming salon that can help with shaping your hair to take the emphasis from other areas, aslo help with shaping facial hair too - if your talking about eye implants etc then I think it may go deeper than just not liking appearance , id say chat to some kind of therapist but that's gona cost a lot of money too..

wait for the wiser guys on here to reply - sure they will have good ideas for you

[WhatsInAName]

Get comfortable with who you are. That is the most important thing

What if you get plastic surgery and still don't like the way you look? What then?

You may have BDD, perhaps it would be an idea to speak to someone professional

[East]

Do you look like The Elephant Man?

I think no matter what you do to your face...you will not be happy. You will need more and more plastic surgery...and it will never give you what you want.....

Because...the answer isn't plastic surgery.....

[LJay]

Find a good salon that will help you with a "makeover" including hair and grooming and some suggestions on what sort of clothes look best on you. Even if you don't wear glasses, you might consider a pair with clear lenses to give a little different look. While you are at it, be sure to get some moderate exercise like walking or biking or swimming just to help with your energy and general toning. I would be willing to bet that you are looking just fine but we can all use a little boost once in a while. Give it a try.

[Camfer]

You've done a good job talking about the symptoms but spent no time talking about the causes. You need to understand why it is you are unhappy with the face you've been given. I'll give you a hint. It has little or nothing to do with your face. It has to do with your conceptions of self worth, your consumption of mass media and belief that it is real, the quality of your relationships with other people, your goals and accomplishments in life etc.

The opportunity is to work on what's going on behind your face, in your brain.

[meridannight]

i have to tell you, there is no way you can ever realistically change your facial features for the better. you'll have to live with what you have. plastic surgery will always end up making it worse. only people stupid enough to do it, and those who are worse off to begin with (e.g. having been in a car accident that ended up deforming the face) do it.

and it seems a bit like you're worrying about small stuff. i mean, the color of your eyes? really? that's such a big thing you need to take extra measures to change it? no. any eye color is good, or they're all pretty much the same. makes no difference, and doesn't add or deduct from sexual attractiveness.

facial hair pattern? you're 22. did you not know that some guys take a bit longer to fill in than some others? it's true that some might not ever fill in (you'll have to take a look at your father and see what he's like) but there is not a single thing you can do about it to make it better. you're still better off with what you actually have.

lips and nose? don't even think about starting messing with them. changing major components of your face will not only change how your face looks, it will change the appearance of your whole identity. people will no longer recognize you, you will no longer recognize yourself. that's pretty fucked up, and that's exactly the effect it will have.

also, the way you think about yourself translates to your appearance. if you're not satisfied with yourself (looks, otherwise), it shows, and it won't look good no matter what it is you do. the most attractive people are people who are satisfied with themselves and confident about how they look (or in other words -- unaffected by it). a pretty face only does go so far. and conversely, guys who don't look obviously beautiful, but aren't affected by it can be very attractive (Benicio del Toro isn't particularly attractive as far as his facial features go, but he's not sexually unattractive; Billy Bob Thornton...probably one of the sexiest men alive, not particularly attractive when you just look at his face).

of course, the whole package deal -- a guy who is beautiful and confident who also isn't affected by his looks (Joachim Low, to quote an example) -- that is not something every guy has. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. you have what you have and your only option is to make the best of it.

[CellarDweller]

To quote RuPaul....


“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

[Lexington]

Well the thing is, the only guys who seem to have interest in me are guys I have no interest in. Usually guys in their 40's or 50's. Or guys who think I'm desperate when I'm not.

You may not be now, but you seem to be headed in that direction.

There's a running joke that we don't all live on the same planet together as individuals. Instead, every single one of us is walking around believing we've got the starring role in the movie of our life. And as such, we feel something went wrong when things don't go as they should...or don't even start as they should. I mean, whoever heard of a leading man that isn't hot? It's not that OTHER people shouldn't be attractive, but YOU obviously should.

There are two main paths to rectify this situation.

1. Changing your mindset. Imperfect people go on dates, guys with weird-looking noses get laid, guys with receding hairlines get boyfriends. I started going bald at age 17, and what hair I have never wants to behave. My nose is kind of weirdly shaped. I have resting-bitch-face so badly that restaurant workers apologize to me all the time even when I'm enjoying my meal. I still wear jeans and T-shirts with cartoon characters on them. And I've still got guys hitting on me in my mid-40s. Why? Mindset. Being friendly and social and a good conversationalist and fun. No, nobody approaches me across a crowded room asking if I'll fuck them in the bathroom. Looks hit somebody immediately - personality takes some time. But I can't argue with the results. You might need therapy to help get you to this spot, though.

2. Changing your appearance. Go talk to a fashion consultant. See how they can work with what you've got. Find hairstyles, clothing options and (perhaps) make-up options that will highlight your best features while minimizing the problem areas. If doing so doesn't accomplish what you hope....

...perhaps start looking into plastic surgery.

I know what you said, and I know what other people said. It always look horrible. And yes, it does. To other people. Most people are actually pretty happy with their OWN surgery. They finally start enjoying looking at themselves in the mirror. But the problem is...they often start noticing NEW things wrong. "Now that my mouth looks right, my ears look like they're sticking out more than they should." Which is how people get "addicted" to plastic surgery.

But notice what I said above. OTHER people tend to view it as a failure, because the changes look unusual or wrong....to THEM. To the person involved, it usually looks better. So it would come down to your rationale for having it done. I see less of "I don't like the way I look" in your post, and more "I don't think other people like the way I look". Given that, plastic surgery might not be such a good idea. Ideally, it should be done for yourself, not others.

Lex

[Virge]

Even out here in the middle of nowhere we have plastic surgeons who stay busy. But getting on to the point I'm better acquainted with a doctor of psychology here who gets referrals from the plastic surgeons when they feel a patient is seeking cosmetic surgery for the wrong reasons.

Along with some gay men way older than I am -- he and I had a long abstract conversation about it three Tuesdays ago when I brought up the subject of my receding hairline and wanting to do something about it. The bottom line on that conversation is that I learned to differentiate between what I think makes me attractive and what others think makes me attractive. There were some guys way younger than me there. They were the first to start ranting I don't need to change anything. Talk about an ego boost.... I'm nowhere near bald but I've been keeping my head shaved for four years to hide my hairline. There were even some straight guys and girls in the conversation who were even more supportive that the younger and older gay guys about it.

It was a life changing moment for me. The people I care most about are more accepting and ready for me to lose all my hair than I am and I'm nowhere near being really bald. In so many words...... the STRAIGHT guys there were telling me if I got hair transplants it would mess up the chain of command in our friendships if I looked younger and less prestigious than them. I was seeing ME through their eyes instead of my own. I came to understand that when people rub their hands over my shaved head they're doing it because they LIKE it and not even thinking about my ego and lame self image when they do it.

Go out on a limb like I did and get other people to appraise your appearance...... and MOST OF ALL accept what they say as valid even though your ego and self image say otherwise. If you use plastic surgery to change your appearance remember you're inflicting your new look on everyone you meet and chances are....... you still won't be pleased with the way you look.

What I'm getting at is maybe you need to step back and take time to let other people be your mirror. Talk to people who know you and will be honest about your appearance