I hate my appearence and feel unattractive...

[subdivisions]

you could try a professional hair stylist / grooming salon that can help with shaping your hair to take the emphasis from other areas

That's the thing though, I really like my hair. My clothes, my body... none of that bothers me at all. It's solely my facial features. That may also be a reflection of how I'm attracted to other guys physically. Those things in other guys don't matter much either. I mean there's a few (reasonable) restrictions, but not much. Facial features, to me, is what makes someone physically attractive or unattractive to me. Which sucks, I know, because none of us can really help or change that.

I also want to point out that what I find hot on another guy may not look good on me. As I said, a lot of bald guys are hot. Would I want to be bald or look good bald? Hell no! It would just make me look worse. Even certain facial features. The thing with facial features though is a certain nose on one guy may look hot but on another guy it doesn't. It's how all the featurs sort of line up together that matters most I'd say.

As far as glasses go, while I do find glasses to be hot on a lot of guys... when they take them off, I do find them more attractive without them, even if only a little bit. I'm not sure why. Any person with glasses I've seen looked more attractive without them (in my opinion).

id say chat to some kind of therapist but that's gona cost a lot of money too..

Well, currently, for my depression, I see a therapist once every two weeks, and a psychiatrist once a month (and a case manager who is annoying and I really hate him, he doesn't do shit and just makes things worse). But anyway, I've been in therapy for about 8 years now. None of it has helped at all. Granted, my therapy isn't for "body dysphoria" or whatever, but... honestly I don't think insurance would cover anything else. I'm still under my dad's insurance anyway and he complains when I do anything else medically because it raises the cost of the insurance.

i mean, the color of your eyes? really? that's such a big thing you need to take extra measures to change it? no. any eye color is good, or they're all pretty much the same. makes no difference, and doesn't add or deduct from sexual attractiveness.

A lot of people would disagree with that. I know plenty who say they find blue/green eyes so much more attractive. I think it's because they're less common or whatever. I admit that they're hot in guys but honestly not all the time. Even people who naturally have them can look unattractive to me. Eye color in other guys doesn't matter to me. But as I said, a lot of others see it as a point of attraction.

Benicio del Toro
Billy Bob Thornton
Joachim Low

I didn't know who any of those guys were, just looked them up. I don't find any of them attractive but that's besides the point I suppose.

“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

I never understood that quote and it doesn't make sense to me. I'm a person. Someone else is a person. So it translate as "If you don't love one particular person, how can you love a different person?", something that's completely normal.

make-up options

Well, I hate to bring this up, but we all know how most gay men are about feminine guys. I did used to sometimes put on eyeliner or eye shadow. Nothing beyond that really except face paint if that. I liked it and thought it looked good but I know it would instantly turn off most guys. So I don't do it anymore. Well, at least I don't show pictures of it to potential dates or wear it around them.

If other people did find you attractive, do you think you'd be more comfortable about your appearance? Would you be able to accept someone being interested in you?

Well some people have found me attractive before. I guess I'll get into a bit of history now.

From the time I was little, I never really liked the way I looked. I mean the clothes my mom bought me, the haircuts she made me get, etc. had something to do with it. But I hated my face. I thought I was ugly. Also because I had freckles and a lot of people, especially as kids, think that's ugly. I didn't really have a lot of them actually though, when I look back at old pictures. And I don't know if they faded or if I just don't notice them much anymore. But either way they don't bother me now. Adults seem to think differently about them than younger people do.

I mean, adults said I was handsome or cute or whatever, but that's just something, I thought, that adults say about kids in a way someone would say it about a dog or cat. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I began finding myself somewhat attractive at least. I could look in the mirror without feeling hideous. I got to experiment with my look a bit. There were still things about me that I hated though.

Around age 15 or 16 I began talking to gay guys online. When some of them saw my photos, they said I was cute or even hot. But again mostly guys a lot older, usually. Sometimes guys my age but still. I did get a boyfriend around 16 or 17 but he was a lot older (age of consent in my state is 17; he was 32 at the time). But also I think he was kind of desperate, he had suffered a lot and been rejected a lot too. I didn't think he was ugly, I found him physically attractive. But long story short I never loved him. His personality turned me off a lot and there was some abuse going on. We didn't click. This went on and off for years. To this day, he still texts me sometimes. I usually just ignore it because honestly I want nothing to do with him.

All throughout school, maybe only like 2 or 3 girls said I was attractive. But I don't know if others were thinking it or not. Not that I date girls though. Only years later did some other girls from school say "You know, I thought you were cute." But also, straight girls and gay men tend to have different tastes. I don't understand why straight girls find certain guys hot that I don't at all. Also one (bisexual) guy said he did but I don't know if he was being serious honestly. I hated the way my senior pics looked. Well, one was good, the others were horrible. And of course they used the horrible one for the yearbook. Whatever, I didn't even buy a yearbook anyway. Most of my friends don't even have one.

By the time I reached college, my self-confidence was at its peak (well, its first peak). I was so excited and happy to be out of high school and starting a new chapter in life. It was only community college, and my parents forced me to go when I didn't want to go to college at all. But still, it did impact my life a lot then. I had a new hairstyle I messed around with. I felt really attractive and a lot of other people said I was too. And even if they didn't, I didn't care. That happiness didn't last long though. My college life gradually became worse and more annoying and after my third semester I dropped out and lost a lot of the confidence due to other issues.

My next peak of confidence came about when I started dating my ex. I loved him more than anyone in the world and to have someone like that love me back felt amazing. I felt I was attractive and even if I really wasn't, I didn't care because he loved me. Unfortunately, the relationship came to a bad ending. To the point that he refuses to speak to me. I got so upset from the breakup, and still am to this day. I consider this, so far, the lowest point of my life. A few months after the breakup, I went back on the dating scene. Nobody would hit on me or find me attractive. Someone said I looked "unhealthy" and like a drug addict. I never did drugs in my life. I didn't do anything different from when me and my ex were together. Honestly, I think that depression and being upset can make someone less attractive somehow. I know I gained 40 pounds, but I lost most of it by now. But they meant my face looked weird. (And also, besides the point, I've seen hot drug addicts before, but I know they didn't mean it that way)

I remember when I was at my peak at 18, tons of guys would hit on me. Nobody I liked usually, lol, but still. And then the few years following too. After the breakup, pretty much nobody. It may slowly be coming back but it's still a long way to go. And I still don't think I look good.

Honestly though, looking back at the "peak" pictures... in most of them, I didn't even look that different or great. As you all said, my confidence made me feel attractive. And as a kid, I wasn't ugly as I thought before.

It's funny because personality can make you physically attracted to someone you otherwise wouldn't be. One of my other ex's I initially thought was really unattractive but once we started talking and I loved him for his personality, I found him physically attractive too. But now that we're not an item anymore and I haven't spoken to him for a few years, I did find his Facebook and I see recent pictures... I honestly wonder what I saw in him. Lol.

But about my last ex... I hate to say this but I'm still in love with him. I still find him incredibly attractive. That is a separate issue though.

Sorry for the life story there. Thanks to anyone who read it. Not exactly sure what to do now. I don't want to rely on someone loving me to make me feel good about myself. And I was single during my college peak so something else was going on there I suppose. A new opportunity for me. I don't have those anymore.

[subdivisions]

Also, now that I see cestmoi77's post, I want to add... I don't find attractiveness sexy in a guy. I like guys who are very humble or even shy about themselves. Now, I know this seems really wrong. It seems like I'm feeding off someone's lack of confidence. I don't know why I find this attractive but I just do. Could be that I get jealous if someone is more confident than I am, which isn't hard to be.

[cestmoi77]

Move to Europe!!!

[East]

Here are some other people who didn't like their face...and thought they were unattractive and could improve on it...

[East]

Whilst I don't dispute that self-confidence is attractive, could someone explain how one acquires such a thing? I mean, when you're someone who's been told/felt that they're unattractive etc., do you suddenly just wake up one morning and go "hey, today I'm going to feel confident" and then the next day people notice?

I'm really not being facetious but I do sometimes wonder if people think that people lacking self-confidence do it deliberately which I can assure you isn't the case.

Get rid of the self pity

Stop reinforcing negative attitudes in yourself...and looking around for someone to support them

Realize how you look at and react to the world and other people around you is a choice...

Own your shit

[cestmoi77]

Again, do you actually think that people VOLUNTARILY opt to exercise self-pity? Seriously if people think that's the case, they need their heads examined. Has it occurred to you that people who think like that do so because of years of being fed negative images about themselves?

[East]

Again, do you actually think that people VOLUNTARILY opt to exercise self-pity? Seriously if people think that's the case, they need their heads examined. Has it occurred to you that people who think like that do so because of years of being fed negative images about themselves?

Occurred to me? Fuck..I was raised in a family who gave me negative images of myself every fucking day of my life...and everything I told you is EXACTLY what I did to overcome them.....

You asked a question...I answered it.....

Has it ever occurred to you to just fucking stop with the self pity? It IS a choice.

[cestmoi77]

Plus, but as I've said before in previous posts, if the gay community woke up and realised that they are actually NOT as inclusive as they believe they are - not to mention do something about it - it would already be a huge help.

The amount of people I know who've said that they came out thinking that they would find some kind of "common ground" with other gay men and have found themselves so disillusioned by the experience that they almost wished they hadn't even bothered.

Without wishing to get political, but I was under the impression that the gay rights movement was born out a desire to accept people for who they are, no matter how different they may be. That being the case, I find it astounding that in a time when gay marriage is being legalised in countless countries, within our own, there is still an awful lot to be done in terms of the gay "community" accepting gay people who don't quite "fit in". Basically if you're a Tom Daley, welcome to the club. If you're a Gareth Thomas (non-Brits, please google if you don't know who I mean), good luck but don't come near me.

[cestmoi77]

Occurred to me? Fuck..I was raised in a family who gave me negative images of myself every fucking day of my life...and everything I told you is EXACTLY what I did to overcome them.....

You asked a question...I answered it.....

Has it ever occurred to you to just fucking stop with the self pity? It IS a choice.

and has it occurred to you to show some humanity?

[Lexington]

Whilst I don't dispute that self-confidence is attractive, could someone explain how one acquires such a thing? I mean, when you're someone who's been told/felt that they're unattractive etc., do you suddenly just wake up one morning and go "hey, today I'm going to feel confident" and then the next day people notice?

No, it wasn't an overnight thing. It was a process that took time. But I think ot was one of the most valuable things I ever did. How did I do it? A change of mindset, and a conscious effort to make that mindset a reality.

Here was the mindset. I came to the realization one day that I was stuck with me. No matter what I do, how I dress, where I go...I will be there. And as such, it was probably worth learning to love myself. After all, better someone you love hanging around than someone you dislike. And it occurred to me that I didn't have to be perfect to love myself. I have friends that I love, after all. And I like their good traits, and deal with their faults. And I don't care what they look like - I just like THEM.

So that was my first goal. Befriend myself. And that should be easy, right? I mean, I already like the same things that the guy in the mirror does. So I took that first step. What do I like? And whatever it was, I gave myself permission to like it - wholeheartedly and unashamedly. I started watching more cartoons, even if other people found that "juvenile"...because I liked watching them. I began drawing...not because I was good at it (I still suck at it), but because I enjoyed doing it. And on and on and on. And I started enjoying this stuff more and more. My attutude was "I like this stuff. You don't have to but I do." I was doing more and more stuff I loved, and that made me happier. In essence, I had become my own friend. And, like you do with a good friend, I began liking to see that guy in the mirror. Not because he became more physically attractive, but because I liked the guy inside him.

And a funny thing happened. My enjoyment was infectious. Even those who didn't share my love for my hobbies and interests still were attracted to my enjoyment. I gave off a positive vibe that people liked. As I started liking the guy in the mirror more and more, other people did, as well.

As I said, it was a process, but a very worthwhile one. Can you accomplish it today? No. But you can start it today.

Lex