I love two men.... Can't pick one. Help please

[Virge]

But don't take our word for it... Go ahead and do it all your way... then come back and wail about how everything fucked up and the only one who's not at fault is you...

There aren't too many variations on theme.

[Anocxu]

I say you cut them both loose, stay alone for a while..

Complicated cries from a complicated man that weaves complicated webs..

It doesn't have to be complicated. ..
Learn to keep it simple..
You'll just end up hurting someone or yourself.

[East]

...hearing Tina sing "What's Love Got To Do With It" over and over in my head since I read this..now it is a major ear worm...HELP!!!!!!




What does it mean? Is it a message?

Oh wait....I better stick with Tina Turner because I might get stuck with Mary MacGregor's "Torn Between Two Lovers"....




UGH...much much worse....

I think Tina is right anyway....

OK...OP...which song would YOU like to hear?

[Steve]

...hearing Tina sing "What's Love Got To Do With It" over and over in my head since I read this..now it is a major ear worm...HELP!!!!!!




What does it mean? Is it a message?

Oh wait....I better stick with Tina Turner because I might get stuck with Mary MacGregor's "Torn Between Two Lovers"....




UGH...much much worse....

I think Tina is right anyway....

OK...OP...which song would YOU like to hear?

[jimcrackcorn]

Darn,,, it's nice to be young and have several guys vying for your attention. At my age,,, I have to pay big bucks just to get a waiter to serve me!!!!

Enjoy

[youngw27]

Let me boil down the meat from the bone of the issue as quickly as possible. Right now I'm going to try to ignore the numerous white hot molten lava flags that ripped up from the poorly firing synapses and gray matter of my tiny mind that your post tripped as I read it.

Ok, it sounds like you love bachelor number 1, but you're afraid that since he's not out that he'll only hurt you in the long run. Since his last significant other couldn't pull his butt out of the closet to the point of saving that relationship, you're correctly worrying for your heart and that if you invest more time and feeling in him he's only going to turn your brown eyes blue. He's sorry, he's emotional, his love is deeper than the night, he's had the time of his life and now is attempting to reassure you (it seems) that he will be your bridge over troubled water and ray of light in the future. The actions and words he has spoken only seem to happen when you tell him how you feel and that there is another guy in the picture who doesn't have all his hang ups. Although he reassures of his feelings time after time, you're still feeling like he's going to take the next big yellow taxi and shout bye bye love out the window as he rolls away from the house on the street where you live.

Meanwhile, within the space of a few short weeks bachelor number 2, a man doused in sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, has decided you're the one that he wants. He wants to whisk you home to meet mama, capture your likeness next to his in BPA hardened plastic and place you on the seventh layer of heaven wedding cake because he loves you. He honestly loves you.

Now you're well and truly verklempt. Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool. Lovin' both of them is breaking all the rules.

That's the long and short of it, yes?

Now let me make a few observations and ask you some questions that you may (or may not) want to mull over in your confusion.

All this days of our lives drama has popped up in only five months (and I'm being generous in terms of time since you said you ended your last relationship in April and today is the last day of July). You wrote that you made a jump to your left, into a that's what friends are for with benefits relationship faster than Caitlyn could raid Kim's closet for a fabulous frock by Cavalli.

I want you to really think about how quickly your emotional roller coaster has left the main platform (the guy you left back in April), and returned with bachelor number 1 slumped in the first car wearing dark sunglasses and a nondescript hoodie. In terms of human emotional response it was faster than the Coney Island Cyclone. Then, without resolving your feelings for the hapless trapped in the closet case, you shot off the your platform of single guy barely out of an old relationship again and returned with the I'm ready to have your baby guy waving a wedding ring at you from the second car, his ex boyfriend crouched down next to him. One of them is emotionally passive aggressive, wanting you only when no one else is looking and able to love you only when balled up in emotional wreckage because another guy is threatening to take you away. The other is a ready made, fresh from the package instant relationship, seemingly offering you a rock solid relationship complete with loving in-laws, just add commitment. Never mind that he isn't still steeping in the broth of his last instant cream of relationship.

Think about it. Both of these guys and the steamer trunks of luggage they're dragging to your doorstep are almost polar opposites. No matter what he is saying to your tear stained face my friend, guy number 1 may think that he wants you, but you can't have him because in the end his mind is a mess and he won't let you have him, let alone have him forever. Guy number 2 loves you immediately, is there for the taking, but you don't really want him. Barely knowing you now, guy number 2 wants to start the perfect life with you whether you want him or not, and wants you in his life as soon as possible, the cost of the love boat being the Costa Concordia left without thought.

It smacks of "I want what I can't have, and what I can have I don't want".

You're moving too fast. Have you ever spent more than a month alone? Strike that, even if you have spent time alone, are you comfortable being alone? Are you comfortable enough being alone that it wouldn't bother you if you never found the guy of your dreams? That you could lead a productive happy life all on your own without the need of someone by your side?

Yes love is a many splendored thing. And by love I mean the kind of emotion that doesn't abandon you the moment it hits a rough spot, but that you're both willing to fight for tooth and nail to make work. If you're really going to invest your heart in another person, make sure he's the kind of person who's ready to fight as hard to be at your side as you are to be at his. I have a hard time believing if you really understand that what sometimes passes for love is only a strongly felt want which keeps you high on the crest of a joyous emotional wave that happens when you first meet a guy and the incredible fun you have with him makes your heart shine brighter than Doris Day. You have to understand that your heart will go on, that love keeps steady after that wave has crashed to the shore and your feelings will remain strong even if your relationship scraps at the sandy bottom here and there as time goes by.

Being in love and holding a relationship together is seldom easy. If you were really in love you would know which of these men you're interested in was the one you love. It wouldn't be a question, you'd be sure.

Sincerely, with your best interest at heart, if I had to be absolute and make a choice I'd say neither of these men is right for you at this point in your life. Take some time to be on your own and figure out what you want in life. After that it won't be a question of which one. Only one will do.

You actually described me perfectly. I am so afraid of Guy 1 hurting me. I had invested in him when i was weak after my long term relationship even though he told me not to.
I fell so hard for him. That night where he said to me that he wouldn't even feel guilty about being with someone else tore me apart. I broke down. And the only way i knew how to get over that pain or to numb that pain was to meet someone else and within a couple days i was talking to guy 2.
That night i went to end things with Guy 1 he knew something was up. I have dealt with depression and i had only came out to my dad the night before. That why he invited me to dinner to talk about things and to check i was okay. But after dinner as we lay on the sofa and i told him that i did fall for him. And that seeing him more was only going to hurt me because i did like him more than he liked me. I broke down. He broke down. He told me he understood if i wanted to leave. It would upset him but he said he's a big boy and he would get over it. He offered friendship still. I told him how much i liked him and explained to him what was going on in my head. I tried to tell him i loved him but i couldn't say it. So i said to him "Do you know what i'm trying to say to you?" and he said "If you want me to say 'i love you', i will, because I do". So in a way i didn't actually say it first. And i cried and hugged him so tight. The words i wanted to hear from finally came. He explained to me how much he regretted telling me he wouldn't feel guilty for being with someone else because it wasn't true. He just wanted to keep me distant.
He told me he loved me before i told him about guy 2. When i told him he said "I don't blame you". I ended up staying at his that night. We chatted the whole night about loads of random things. The next morning he told me as I was about to leave not to cut the other guy off. Because he wanted me to make a judgement from liking both of them. He didn't want me to feel trapped.

So I did. I shouldn't have but i did keep talking to Guy 2. And I was going to choose Guy 2. I was convinced i was. He was supposed to come over to mine for a night to have dinner. He didn't text me that whole day. I waited until 11pm, i hadn't had dinner. He text me and told me he had fallen asleep. That tipped me towards Guy 1. Guy 1 came and stayed on my birthday two days after that and got me the cutest card, a cake, 15 pack of beer and clothes. He was so lovely. I didn't expect anything. And that made me love him more.

Guy 1 stayed at my house 2 nights ago and we had a lovely evening with dinner and while we were lying in bed he asked me what's wrong. Earlier that night he had told me about his crazy ex giving him hassle again and i couldn't help but feel he would go back to his ex. I also had seen he was on the dating site we met on 2 weeks ago. So i questioned him on both. He thought it was cute that i was jealous of him being on the dating site but he said he was only on checking messages. And he told me he would never go back with his ex. He could tell something was up with me though. And i started crying (I never cry in front of anyone) and told him how i was scared he was gonna just leave me if he found a better offer somewhere else. He reassured me and told me he was going no where and that he doesn't want anyone else. So i asked the question, what are we? And he said "I think of you as a.... i don't like to say the word but you know what i mean" (he was referring to boyfriend). That stopped me crying and i was smiling. He then started questioning my insecurities so i just shut him up and said "Do you love me?" Him- "yes". "Are you going to leave me?" Him - "No". Me- " Good that's all i need to be reassured of". But thinking back on it i'm still not reassured. I don't want to be someone hidden in his house and worrying about getting caught. I want to go on dates. We've never done that. Just really confused. So so confused.

You're right when you described how i want what guy 2 can offer me, but with guy 1. That is so true. Guy 2 is perfect for me, and i am attracted to him as well. It's just so confusing. And i cry everyday over this. I never cry. Like ever. Torn between two lovers is the best song to describe my situation i think.

[supasyd]

It's all true what everyone is saying. Most people we get romantically involved with are only temporary. You either get with a guy who is too scared to have you, get with a guy who you'll get bored with after a month, or take time out of the farce and get to know who YOU are better. I've been there myself, and repeated my own mistakes more times than anyone should. Ultimately, nobody can help you. You'll be hurt now no matter what happens, but you'll learn. Guys are not as important as self fulfillment.

[meridannight]

[MENTION=23000]youngw27[/MENTION] --- if you have to ask, then neither is the right answer. when you want to be with a man, you know it, you don't have to ask anybody.

and i'm not saying you can't try. of course you can. you're still young, and that's how you learn. you gain in experience and get smarter. that's part of the point.

also, think about whether you posted this because you genuinely don't know who you want to be with. or whether it was just to get some general feedback.

[Cridders88]

It seems that both have their pro's and con's, and neither are perfect (but then what is?). If guy 1 really does love you then it might be worth giving things a go but do take his warnings seriously, there is a risk you could get hurt. But without risk, there is often no reward.

If you are not feeling it with Guy 2 then you run the risk of not being hurt yourself but hurting him instead. If you think he is moving things too fast then you need to tell him this, saves on additional pain in the long run. Only you can decide what you want to do here, but neither guy looks like things will be plain sailing

[Camfer]

You tell us you're moving soon. So why get in a serious relationship with anyone? I say pick neither.