I am gay, ugly depressed. My friends make me feel worse. What should I do?

[Kenny221]

Hey man, thanks you know what gets me more sad? The fact that they aren't "models" at all, one of them just flew to the United States last week to get married on December the 19 and start a new life in a beautiful house in North Carolina, another couple is going to make a big celebration because they finally are going to live together here some blocks away from my house.
They are not "ripped" or "masculine" even the one that isla getting married is overweith and he's the happiest man ever. We met through a Britney Spears fansite in 2005 I believe.

What hurts me the most is that I don't know what's wrong with me. Everybody is likeable but me.
They don't mind dancing Beyoncé songs like crazy ( I hate her) they don't give a F about stereotypes. They do what they want and they patents had a really bad time dealing with the fact that their children are gay.


I don't like be the center of atention. I try to be "normal" you know I don't even dance in gay clubs.
If they were extremely hot I'd understand but most of the time that I am the only unloveable person in the planet. I also decide to set a pic of myself as avatar here so you guys can have a better perspective about me.

When it comes to you, I don't see any flaw on your pic and I REALLY appreciate that you guys have take some time just to write such nice words. You deserve the best. Thanks.

I get where you're coming from. I really do. The first time I went to a gay bar with my buddy, we sat on the very far right corner LOL. It was awkward as hell. Now I need to tell you something, you are not unlovable. The fact that you have these friends are the very evidence of that. You are a loveable person. But how is your prince charming suppose to find you if you're sitting in the corner?

[EONP0987]

(but i dont know what you mean by ugly)

See my avatar and you'll get it.

Ps. One day I want to visit your country

[EONP0987]

Wtf Eon? Wtf? You describe yourself as ugly. So that was not how I was expecting your avatar to look like. Ugly? Far from it. You are actually a pretty attractive guy. And trust me when I say that, as everyone close to me knows, I am a straight forward guy. I only say what I mean. If you really were unattractive to me, I wouldn't be saying this.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others. When you go to bars, get your head out of your phone. I'll say it again. You are far from ugly. So stop hiding away.

Edit: Just seen your most recent post. Get off Grindr. That app is shallow and soul destroying. Do not base opinions of yourself from people on there. They are "model" types who are just after a fuck with other "models". It'll get you nowhere.

You don't have to be a stereotypically gorgeous, ripped model type to get anywhere in life. Not all guys are so shallow to be only attracted to that. You need to realise this dude. I actually find ripped guys a turn off.

Gracias amigo!!! I only wish I could see the same every time I look at the mirror...

[strider65]

first of all my brother stop being so dang hard on yourself

second of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself. you think yourself the first gay man who has gone through this?

you got to find that strength within yourself because I guarantee you, you will be having this conversation with a kid some day and be telling them what I am telling you

you are beautiful, whatever Powers that Be in the Universe do not make junk and they do not waste their time unless you have some purpose

stop beating yourself up so... you're a beautiful man with an intent future

be kind to yourself brother

[strider65]

you will be amongst friends, if not here, then in life

you wouldn't be here if there wasn't a reason

[strider65]

I'm telling you this because I didn't have anyone to tell it to me.

I will tell you what right now. I sit up of a night sometimes and think.

I can't promise you it will get better for I don't know. But I do know that I've been blessed and sometimes you give up within an inch of not knowing what was about to happen.... do you really want to take that chance

you're beautiful man. God doesn't make ugly.

[LONDONER]

I just set a pic of myself as avatar.

Guys on Grindr remind me how not hansdome I am.

Why, why why are you beating yourself up? Now we can see you we can see that you're a perfectly attractive man. Stop comparing yourself to guys on Grindr or to anyone else for that matter, that's a pointless exercise. Your problem seems to be shyness more than anything else and that is why a councellor would be a good idea, to help you boost your self confidence.

Be careful how many times you say that you think you are unattractive. Say it enough times and guys here will begin to think that you're a troll fishing for compliments.

[EONP0987]

I agree with what several people have pointed out. Do not be so negative with yourself. you MUST find a way to build confidence.

Thanks. I am trying to figure out how to do that....

[EONP0987]

Why, why why are you beating yourself up? Now we can see you we can see that you're a perfectly attractive man. Stop comparing yourself to guys on Grindr or to anyone else for that matter, that's a pointless exercise. Your problem seems to be shyness more than anything else and that is why a councellor would be a good idea, to help you boost your self confidence.

Be careful how many times you say that you think you are unattractive. Say it enough times and guys here will begin to think that you're a troll fishing for compliments.

Mmm I understand your point. I am not trying to troll anyone here. I am sorry if you are getting that impression, I am just trying to be open about how I see myself and how I feel, but I am going to take your advice.
In fact, I wasn't expecting a positive feedback after uploading the picture.
It is just Hard to me believING any good comment about me. I just can't believe it and I know it is a problem . Just came to this forum looking for advices to improve my situation.

[MikeW]

Thanks. I am trying to figure out how to do that....

I've been around a long time. I've met hundreds, if not thousands, of gay men -- both online and IRL. I can't tell you how COMMON it is for us to have low-self esteem issues. I couldn't hazard a statistical guess but it is a high percentage. I was certainly one of them and I suppose still am in some ways.

First, as others have said, you're actually a very attractive young man. The problem isn't how you look, it is how you SEE yourself. This negative self-image you have is a distortion. Do you look like a porn star or an underwear model? Perhaps not (although I'd wager to say you're far hotter than you think). But, do you understand, that MOST men don't have *that look*. More over, even if they DO have *that look* that doesn't mean their lives are working out well for them or that they have the lives they want? You may have to trust me on that one but its true.

How to build self-confidence.

First thing I advise anyone dealing with these kinds of issues is to begin working out. I'm pushing 70 but I workout three to four times a week. I was never a particularly athletic guy in my younger years. Never played sports. Was never particularly interested in developing my physique. (Even so, by the way, I had plenty of sex and two long term relationships--and I've outlived both of them.) I didn't really begin to focus on "physical fitness" until about 5 years ago. I have to say, it has changed my life... in some remarkably positive ways. I now regret I didn't do this sooner... when I was much younger.

Getting physically in shape isn't as difficult as people think. More to the point, it has a lot of benefits that aren't just "physical". Despite a lot of shit I have to deal with, I'm *much happier* now than I was before i started working out.

So, I'm telling you this as a practical first step. It DOES require time... you have to figure out how to carve three to four hours a week out of your non-work time to actually do it. Personally I've found I'm better off going to a gym... rather than trying to do it at home alone. But not everyone is like hat. There are a lot of variables.

BUT I'll say this... if you want to change your life, change your self-image, become more confident and so on... you can take direct action by focusing on improving you physique. Over the years I've learned quite a bit about it and if you're interested I'll happily share what I know. But you have to WANT to do it. You have to be willing to TRY something practical other than stewing in your own emotional juices.

However you choose to do it, the point I'm really making here is that self-confidence and a better self image CAN be created. You just have to decide where and how you want to begin and then DO IT.

We're all here to help one another do precisely that.