I am gay, ugly depressed. My friends make me feel worse. What should I do?

[InbetweenDreams]

So I will also add that you're not ugly at all...my gay friends who have been together for so long do not look like models...they're middle aged...one of the couples are quite plump. You really don't have anything to worry about...I know how many times people tell me to hang in there it'll happen...and even at times that has got me down, I just get to where I hate people telling me the same thing. Things can change quickly, you never know when you might meet someone truly special. I've also been told its when you stop looking, I don't know that to be true but I do know when you stop worrying about finding a guy things get a lot easier. However, one thing that makes it much easier than that is to not be hard on yourself. I've latched on to "cute" guys simply because they accepted me and they ended up using me for money, that hurts a lot worse in my opinion. If there's anything worse than being lonely it is to be objectified (treated like a slab of meat).

One of the problems I've faced is that people often don't think I'm gay, there's not much about me that gives it away so it might have been the case where I could have met someone but didn't simply because they thought I was straight. So my advice in that case, or really in any case, is to network with people. If your friends are going out and invite you, go, you're only increasing your chances at meeting someone. Not saying it will be the guy of your dreams and don't latch on to the first thing, take it easy and have some fun.

You have nothing to worry about or be ashamed of, it is simply a matter of time so keep your head up

[bolson14]

Guys, thanks for this conversation!

I am in a similar boat. I understand exactly what our friend is talking about. Please notice first of all the country where he is living today.
Being gay in the Dominican Republic makes the occasional gay killings here look like a walk in the park.

I know that you can all imagine a bad scenario from this but the reality is dreadfully worse. Before I go into my own story I want to hear some comments.

[deltalover4]

I think you're attractive. Someone will snatch you up before you know it

[EONP0987]

Guys, thanks for this conversation!

I am in a similar boat. I understand exactly what our friend is talking about. Please notice first of all the country where he is living today.
Being gay in the Dominican Republic makes the occasional gay killings here look like a walk in the park.

I know that you can all imagine a bad scenario from this but the reality is dreadfully worse. Before I go into my own story I want to hear some comments.

Well, I don't gonna say that this is a gay paradise, but is not a hell like Russia or Uganda either, the problem here is religion there is not a true separation between Catholicism and State. There are openly gay people on the radio and TV, here you can be openly gay at work (most of the people don't really care),

Some people will tell you about God and your"sin" that is a treat about family and traditional marriage, and also some homophobic journalists , on the TV they still portrait gay men as "flamboyant" wearing pink clothes, the typical stereotype.
As every whery there are intolerant people who may call you names and things like that.

Overall, there's a long way to go but this generation is more open minded, there are a lot of openly gay men at my job, my friends are from a small city and they have managed to live a good live openly, they upload pics with their patners on Facebook and Instagram and they never have been attacked or anything ( besides religious people telling them to repent). Some of them are leaving the country, others will stay here and are moving together.

Unfortunately things were different when I was a teenager and I was bullied, beaten, called a faggot, even my mother took me to a therapist in order to make me more rude and manly.

Years later I stay the same loser.

Being gay here has been hard to me, but in gerenal I'd give a 6 out of 10. Not that bad for the average openly gay man living in this half of an Island.

[EONP0987]

It is quite good for begining of winter surprisingly, unlike forecaster said...

Sounds interesting

[EONP0987]

So I will also add that you're not ugly at all...my gay friends who have been together for so long do not look like models...they're middle aged...one of the couples are quite plump. You really don't have anything to worry about...I know how many times people tell me to hang in there it'll happen...and even at times that has got me down, I just get to where I hate people telling me the same thing. Things can change quickly, you never know when you might meet someone truly special. I've also been told its when you stop looking, I don't know that to be true but I do know when you stop worrying about finding a guy things get a lot easier. However, one thing that makes it much easier than that is to not be hard on yourself. I've latched on to "cute" guys simply because they accepted me and they ended up using me for money, that hurts a lot worse in my opinion. If there's anything worse than being lonely it is to be objectified (treated like a slab of meat).

One of the problems I've faced is that people often don't think I'm gay, there's not much about me that gives it away so it might have been the case where I could have met someone but didn't simply because they thought I was straight. So my advice in that case, or really in any case, is to network with people. If your friends are going out and invite you, go, you're only increasing your chances at meeting someone. Not saying it will be the guy of your dreams and don't latch on to the first thing, take it easy and have some fun.

You have nothing to worry about or be ashamed of, it is simply a matter of time so keep your head up

I wish I was that optimistic.
Sometimes I do not understand why I am "alive" when I don't really have a life while many people out there with children, dreams, goals, and many reasons to live die every single minute. Life's no fair. I wish I could give my life in order to save another's persons life more worthy than mine.

[MikeW]

I wish I was that optimistic.
Sometimes I do not understand why I am "alive" when I don't really have a life while many people out there with children, dreams, goals, and many reasons to live die every single minute. Life's no fair. I wish I could give my life in order to save another's persons life more worthy than mine.

What does "fair" have to do with anything? That life should be fair is such a immature notion. "Fair" is a human concept, not a property of objective reality. Objective reality is neither fair nor unfair. It just IS.

You apparently have yet to learn that there are certain "keys" that help us understand everything. One is "attention". Your life is determined by what you pay attention to. The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your attention to it. Another one is "acceptance". Learning to *accept* what IS (whether it is fair or unfair). It IS.

Truly, I'll say this: Life -- especially life as a human being -- is far too RARE an experience to be wasted lamenting what one does NOT have while ignoring or undervaluing what one DOES have. You have youth, intelligence, good looks and probably a lot of other things -- like good health. And you can have even more. But you have to stop lamenting what you don't have... place the accent on the other siLable: What you DO have.

[ShiftyNJ]

Years ago I knew a woman who, physically, was not the most attractive of people and yet she was happily married and everyone absolutely adored her. She owned a restaurant that was highly successful as long as she was there. The days when she wasn't it simply was not the same place. She made the restaurant. It was sheer force of personality.

I had a very similar experience, with a guy, in a gay bar. He was not conventionally handsome, but he was stylin', outgoing, and funny, and everybody wanted to be around him. I learned a lot from him. That was 20 years ago and we're still friends.

[InbetweenDreams]

I wish I was that optimistic.
Sometimes I do not understand why I am "alive" when I don't really have a life while many people out there with children, dreams, goals, and many reasons to live die every single minute. Life's no fair. I wish I could give my life in order to save another's persons life more worthy than mine.

Sounds like your biggest issue is depression. I have had my battles with depression, have been suicidal before it's a scary place to be. Whatever the case may be don't let the feeling of despair get the best of you. It isn't easy to learn to love who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. I've come a long way from where I was, but if you're feeling suicidal go seek help. I'm not a fan of anti-depressants but they can work wonders for people, keep talking to us and we'll do whatever we can to help.

[Trennntt]

i know exactly what you mean about when you go out. it sucks being single and going out with friends who have dates.