supasyd Wrote:the guy I can't stop thinking about obviously doesn't want me, neither did my ex or anyone else ive like beause i like wankers apparently. sure people love using me for a quicky but never anything more. im so sick of being single and unloved, sick of men, sick of unrequited feelings and sick of feeling so undesirable and ugly and like a fuck up. I am just not cut out to be gay I don't understand how guys are happy to fuck me and take me out and spend time with me but saying relationship is like walking into obamas election speech in a kkk uniform. am so totally done. I tried online dating and got a psycho stalker who looked like hed been hit in the face with a frying pan, so not going there again. don't know what to do. my self esteem is getting the same treatment as london circa 1940. I want advice but I don't know if there is any that can even help.
OMG. Change your thoughts. Might sound like I'm out there but we often feel like our thoughts and feelings are just what they are...but they are NOT. You have to change your thought process...how you think and stop the thought train from derailing and ending up with thoughts like these because despite your negative experiences and that guy "that doesn't want you" don't matter....
I mean this with the utmost respect when I say this but...
Your OP is bullshit and you need to know that!
If you are tired of feeling bad, stop think about your thought patterns...probably angry that you're single...so am I. I had terrible anxiety and the reason why really was me internalizing every problem that came my way and just filled me with dread...thinking I was too stupid to do my job, I'm going to get fired, get laid off, all kinds of crap you know where it got me?
![[Image: ambulance.jpg]](http://www.4pab.com/resources/ambulance.jpg)
Meat wagon...
I started having panic attacks...anxiety attacks. I would just start crying profusely without any real cause, for hours! You're driving yourself bat shit crazy over this prick guy...does he have money? Killer weed? Even if he wanted you, you're likely to come off cloud 9 at some point and see that Mr. Perfect is closer to Mr. Fuckface after some time.
The fact of the matter is that I can post about how you're a great person and that you need to CHANGE your attitude. Trust me, all you need is to realize that you are a wonderful person and a prize for someone and have got to realize that getting there may be a lifetime. It's not easy, no one planned to be gay...I didn't. Took me a long time to really come to terms with it, even after I came out. You have got to start loving yourself and realize people around you...me, that guy you're crazy about are all no where near perfect, some people are just ice cold...It sucks and it hurts.
So quit beating yourself up for no reason. He's not worth it. We can all tell you that until we're blue in the face, but you have got to listen and change your attitude about yourself and your outlook. Trust me if there's anything that someone would be picking up on you is the negative energy, people can tell...I don't know how that Jedi shit works but people can sense it off of people...I can, can't explain it...
My other suggestion is you may consider a counselor or a therapist. I know it sounds embarrassing, it kind of was for me at first but they can work wonders but you have to WANT it to help. Also medication should be a LAST resort and also be seen as a tool to get you on your feet and get off that crap, don't want that shit fucking up your brain, liver and other organs.
That's all I have to say, if you want to chat hit me up sometime, send me a PM. I know where you're at, been there, done that, and I hate seeing someone beat their self up over something that is like fools gold.
That's a good analogy... Crushes are like fools gold, because you see it as being gold when it really isn't worth anything. You have to stay objective about people, because most of them, suck ass. They can seem like they're the whole package and could be, for you or someone else, they can be wealthy, intelligent, have their shit together, have all sorts of nice qualities, but doesn't mean they're too good for you or that you have to move mountains to try to please them or impress them. Be yourself and if it doesn't suit them then fuck em. I know it sounds black and white but realize, these guys, no matter what they might seem like they are just as screwed up as the next one, all have some insecurity, something they lack...emotionally regressed, can't cook, can't hold a job...drug problems they're hiding from you, all kind of shit comes out of the woodwork when you split the log open. Same thing happened with a friend of mine, dated some young guy and turns out he does meth...and also crazy as shit...but hey he thought he was hot shit and the sweetest thing ever...WRONG.
Ok that's enough, but my offer stand, feel free to reach out to me anytime. Take care of yourself.
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dwi'n jyst fachgen o cymru efo materion meddyliol yn byd meddyliol
sorry 
Leo
