This is an extremely heavy topic that I just need to run by a few people and see what they think. I'll try to keep it short.
So, I've been a FWB with a guy for about 8 months, recently over the past couple months we haven't done anything and I asked him about it a couple weeks ago. He told be that he was unable to do anything sexual because he got stuck by a needle at work (he's a paramedic) and is on a 3 month HIV watch with treatment. That was fine and all except about two weeks later, he got really sick and was hospitalized for 4 days. When I asked him about it he said that the needle stick and hospitalization were completely related and that he has sero-converted and had HIV but furthered it by saying that blood test can't confirm it (basically saying he's undetectable). Now, I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure if he is deathly sick because of HIV it should be impossible for his viral counts to be undetectable correct?
To further complicate this matter, I was talking to a friend of his a couple days later and the friend said that he got the same story from the guy a couple years ago (the needle stick, but without the illness/hospitalization) and that he (the guy I'd been FWB) has had HIV since 2010 and had been undetectable since. His friend also said that he was in the hospital with an intestinal issue, NOT because he had HIV.
He NEVER told me he was HIV positive in any way form and I asked. Naturally I want to confront him about this but how on earth do I have that conversation? I mean if his friend is telling the truth (which I believe he is) I'm basically accusing him of having sex without telling his Positive HIV status. Undectable or not.
On the good side, I've been tested and am negative so far but jesus christ what the hell do I do?
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[MENTION=23329]pman117[/MENTION]
HIV is hardly undetectable.
![[Image: Hiv-timecourse.png]](http://www.healthhype.com/wp-content/uploads/Hiv-timecourse.png)
Viral RNA is at high point within 12 weeks/3 months of exposure (hence why, I have to assume, there is a 3 months follow up upon suspects of having been infected by contact)
For him to have a physical manifestation of the viral infection, i.e. what we know as AIDS, a decade at least would have to have passed since infection. A stage of the infection, I might add, in which the viral load is also at a high point.
So, to sum it up, his story makes absolutely no sense as there is no scientific validity to what he says and that is what you will say to him. You will probably watch him be disarmed when being unable to counter hardcore evidence and maybe you'll get the truth out of him.
I sense either a hypochondriac or a pathological liar. Or just a flat out liar.
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The first thing that you do is to speak with a doctor and tell him that you have been tested but need to know how to follow up on the testing. If you do not have a personal doctor, go to the department of health in your area. They will know what you do in terms of your health and continued monitoring.
As for your friend, you must give him time to sort things out for himself. One of the reasons people are evasive in situations like this is that they simply cannot handle it all at once and need time and space. Of course you should have no dangerous contact. Whether you choose to continue the relationship is up to you, but confronting him right now will not help things. Give it time and take care of yourself.
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Insertnamehere Wrote:[MENTION=23329]pman117[/MENTION]
So, to sum it up, his story makes absolutely no sense as there is no scientific validity to what he says and that is what you will say to him. You will probably watch him be disarmed when being unable to counter hardcore evidence and maybe you'll get the truth out of him.
That's basically my point. IF I'm to believe the story, than it is not possible for it to be like he said. That part I have no problem addressing. I guess your answer pretty much sum up what I was looking for as to HOW to bring this up. Don't get me wrong, this is an extremely serious (and potentially illegal) thing he's done. I just don't want to go into it and have it sound like I'm chasing him with fiery pitchforks. This is going to seem bonkers to most of you, and I get it: if he lied about HIV what else will he most certainly lie about, but we've become pretty good friends since we stopped messing around. Obviously stop the fwb will not restart but I would like to keep the friendship intact. Although I'm pretty sure that a conversation like this will essentially eliminate it.
Guess it's that whole can't have the best of both worlds yea? Confront him and probably terminate a friendship or go on pretending I'm naive enough to believe his story. Ah decisions.
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pman117 Wrote:That's basically my point. IF I'm to believe the story, than it is not possible for it to be like he said. That part I have no problem addressing. I guess your answer pretty much sum up what I was looking for as to HOW to bring this up. Don't get me wrong, this is an extremely serious (and potentially illegal) thing he's done. I just don't want to go into it and have it sound like I'm chasing him with fiery pitchforks. This is going to seem bonkers to most of you, and I get it: if he lied about HIV what else will he most certainly lie about, but we've become pretty good friends since we stopped messing around. Obviously stop the fwb will not restart but I would like to keep the friendship intact. Although I'm pretty sure that a conversation like this will essentially eliminate it.
Guess it's that whole can't have the best of both worlds yea? Confront him and probably terminate a friendship or go on pretending I'm naive enough to believe his story. Ah decisions.
Any conversation of this nature has in fact the potential to break the friendship depending on how he reacts.
He is a grown ass man. He can either own up to his wrong doing or he can go ahead and deny everything and feel offended. You can't control that, I'm afraid.
The fact that you're even considering keeping up a friendship in this situation already tells a great deal of good about you. If he doesn't see it that way, that's on him.
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Insertnamehere Wrote:[MENTION=23329]pman117[/MENTION]
HIV is hardly undetectable.
Viral RNA is at high point within 12 weeks/3 months of exposure (hence why, I have to assume, there is a 3 months follow up upon suspects of having been infected by contact)
For him to have a physical manifestation of the viral infection, i.e. what we know as AIDS, a decade at least would have to have passed since infection. A stage of the infection, I might add, in which the viral load is also at a high point.
So, to sum it up, his story makes absolutely no sense as there is no scientific validity to what he says and that is what you will say to him. You will probably watch him be disarmed when being unable to counter hardcore evidence and maybe you'll get the truth out of him.
I sense either a hypochondriac or a pathological liar. Or just a flat out liar.
How does that graph change depending on meds though?
Isn't it common enough to have undetectably low concentrations of HIV RNA, while being HIV Pos, because of antiviral treatment?
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Cuddly Wrote:How does that graph change depending on meds though?
Isn't it common enough to have undetectably low concentrations of HIV RNA, while being HIV Pos, because of antiviral treatment?
Plasma levels, sure.
This paper, though, has found viral presence in peripheral blood cells and semen in patients that were receiving antiviral therapy. And it's not a recent study either.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9854115
So, for someone who is on antiviral therapy, blood will not the only thing to be monitored, clearly.
But, this is a bit irrelevant (no on itself of course) to the case at hand
His story doesn't add up.
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I guess my question would be, why does it matter?
I lost my little brother to Hodgkin's Disease which is basically lymphatic cancer.
Would you want him to abandon you if you were diagnosed with a disease that could be fatal.
I guess I don't understand your sense of loyalty. Why does it matter all? HIV doesn't care who it kills. It's a virus. I'm neg but if I were poz, I wouldn't want someone to be so shallow as to abandon me over it. If he even knew you were thinking this way, if he has any sense he'll find someone who loves him for all that he is, HIV or not brother.
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I've lost two ex lovers to HIV. Thank goodness I had their back and stayed with them. If I had cancer, I would hope someone would not abandon me.
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Insertnamehere Wrote:Plasma levels, sure.
This paper, though, has found viral presence in peripheral blood cells and semen in patients that were receiving antiviral therapy. And it's not a recent study either.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9854115
So, for someone who is on antiviral therapy, blood will not the only thing to be monitored, clearly.
But, this is a bit irrelevant (no on itself of course) to the case at hand
His story doesn't add up.
Yeah, it doesn't add up. I think your first conclussion of him being a pathological liar was close to the truth.
But it's still a fascinating bit of news you're bringing. I assumed HIV was measured by blood samples only. Atleast in common practise.
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