Go with your gut instinct and what you know to be true. Face the reality that things are not as they seem, and that is not ok with you. Setting traps or attempting to catch him will not solve anything except to continue to hurt you and put more of a strain on the relationship that seems quite strained already.
As bad as it may be, you can't control the actions of others, and it's not your fault. It was mentioned above, but trust is an extremely fragile thing. Once it's broken, there's really no truly repairing it. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you deserve better.
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Mike106 Wrote:So, thanks for all the input. I don't spend all my time spying. I know he's cheating, I have confronted him but he denies it over and over. I told him about the recordings, he wanted to hear them and when I started to play them he blew up and got fiercely mad. These are the reasons I want to catch him in the act. We are away from home for 4 months, I plan on letting all 'chill' then upon returning home I plan to catch him in the act. It's the same guy for a while, I have seen him leaving my house from a distance and just can't seem to get there quick enough. I have a plan that I hope works. My husband acts like he would never do this but I think it's been going on for a few years now, I was just too naive and trusting of him to catch him. I thane thought this for a long timer. The phone call gave me a solid reason to look into it more. I appreciate all of your points of view. Thanks and if anyone has any advice my ears are open.
Ok, so a lot of people are going to disagree with this, but....
May I recommend Nest, or something similar. Just saying, but if you're already spying like crazy and going all cloak and dagger, and determined to keep doing it until you catch him in the act.... then jesus, dude, buy a hide-a-cam and catch him already.
YES, it's wrong. YES, it's a breech of privacy. But the fact is? You're already stepping WAY over that line. So either do what needs done to find the proof you need, or let it go and move on with your relationship, or dump his ass and find someone you can trust without having to play all these games.
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Well if you have seen some guy leaving your house from a distance and everything else that has gone on...what more proof do you need. Even if you never catch him in the act or let's just say that he never actually cheated sounds like the bond of trust has long been broken. Just plan your exit and get the hell out of dodge. Catching him in the act, proving to him that he's a cheater accomplishes nothing in my opinion.
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Ok, so a lot of people are going to disagree with this, but....
May I recommend Nest, or something similar. Just saying, but if you're already spying like crazy and going all cloak and dagger, and determined to keep doing it until you catch him in the act.... then jesus, dude, buy a hide-a-cam and catch him already. .
Then post it here, so we can all see it. Right? Right.
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Darius Wrote:Then post it here, so we can all see it. Right? Right.
Absolutely! We all need to see this...ahem...proof. It's important that we do.
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Mike106 Wrote:So, thanks for all the input. I don't spend all my time spying. I know he's cheating, I have confronted him but he denies it over and over. I told him about the recordings, he wanted to hear them and when I started to play them he blew up and got fiercely mad. These are the reasons I want to catch him in the act. We are away from home for 4 months, I plan on letting all 'chill' then upon returning home I plan to catch him in the act. It's the same guy for a while, I have seen him leaving my house from a distance and just can't seem to get there quick enough. I have a plan that I hope works. My husband acts like he would never do this but I think it's been going on for a few years now, I was just too naive and trusting of him to catch him. I thane thought this for a long timer. The phone call gave me a solid reason to look into it more. I appreciate all of your points of view. Thanks and if anyone has any advice my ears are open.
Dump the cunt...
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I want to see the proof. He has called me crazy, and claims I'm making this and all I've said up. But it continued after he was confronted. When we arrive back home, the way I read it, he'll be looking to see this guy again. After 4 months I'm sure they will connect. I wanted a camera but I cannot think.of a way to hide it.
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Why are you so concerned with getting proof? It means nothing since you already think he's been cheating and with someone you have seen leaving your property, this and the recording has caused enough doubt that you clearly no longer trust your husband.
Waiting 4 months while you're both away from the property so you can devise a way to catch him is not a healthy way to deal with this, it will only cause for further fighting and hurt over this. You will be left with an underlying doubt over your husbands actions when you're not around.
I won't tell you whether you should be leaving your husband or not as I don't fully know your situation other then what you have put on here, you do need to actually think about what you want regardless of evidence and decide whether this marriage is worth saving or not.
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Just my own thought of this.
I think although you say you are sure that he is cheating, you still have a little hope that you are wrong and that's why you want the proof. And that means you still love him.
I can imagine how painful it is as similar situation happened on me before (a lot of people too I am sure). If you cannot determine to just leave him right away, then maybe wait for some time, and talk to him that you are currently quite concern about it, ask him to do some more than before to prove himself innocent of this (eg contact you more often while you are not home etc) and, if needed, I think installing camera is the last thing you could do (although I agree it's across the line)
But ultimately, if he cannot make you feel secure about it even after some time, then you have to choice but leave. Simply because it is harmful for both of you in an un-trustful relationship and in that situation, the truth is not important anymore. If you and him want to continue this relationship, both of you will have to invest more to maintain it.
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well, I guess I will throw in my own 2 cents.
biologically, men are supposed to be programmed to spread their seed as possible around to insure the biologic diversity of our species.
intellectually, I am one of the most jealous motherfuckers there ever was so I'm a great big hypocrite. the happiest relationship I was ever in, my husband and I opened up the relationship and it opened up a world of trouble. we closed it again and it calmed down.
I don't know what works for folks but men live in a dichotomy of perpetual horniness and fierce possesiveness. I'm the last man in the world who could explain it. I do know that using my dick for a brain has caused tremendous grief, now that I am 51 I try to use my brain. Just my 2 cents.
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