Dealing with a Player/Charmer
06-22-2016, 05:25 PM
So I'm pretty sure I've determined that the guy I've been enamoured with for the last few months is a big time player. I'm looking for advice on how to address it with him. Now, we aren't in a relationship we're just good friends who have hooked up and I know that's my first problem. We're FWB. Not dating so it really shouldn't bother me that much or at all but it does.
Basically, he shows the classic push/pull scenarios. For example, we texted back and forth throughout the day for almost an entire week last week and then since Sunday I can't get him to respond to any of my texts or calls. During the time we were texting he was very involved, making me feel like he enjoys talking to me and all that jazz (again classic for a charmer). He's done this once before and there have been several times where we have made plans and something comes up on his end (either stuck at work or gets home late or is too tired etc etc). And no I'm not just being overcritical, there have been times where we make plans and then I've heard that he was actually out doing something else but he doesn't bother to cancel or let me know that he can't make it.
Another example: We had plans to go out last friday. He said he got of work an hour later than planned and wanted to go home and take a quick nap (this was around 8pm). I called him around 945 to see if he still wanted to go out and he didn't answer. I decided to drive to his house since we had originally planned on meeting there around 10-1030 anyway and he wasn't home. No cancellation, didn't answer my phone call and then wasn't home napping like he said he was. The next morning, he texted me around 9am saying "I just woke up" which is clearly a lie since he wasn't even home the night before. Just to give you an idea of what he does I guess.
I've learned from a mutual friend that he has done this to guys in the past and at one point a long time ago he was juggling 2 or 3 guys at the same time and when he was approached, he got really offended and denied everything and it almost ended the friendship completely. I guess the obvious answer is to cut things off completely and forget about him but I'm not sure I'm at a point where I can do that.
Have any of you guys had experience with something like this? Have you ever confronted the person successfully? I'm pretty sure if I bring this up he's going to explode like he did in the past and probably blame me or make me feel like it's somehow my fault or something (again, which is basically what a charmer would do). Honestly I'd like to give him a taste of his own medicine but I know I'll lose that fight because he has more experience doing it. And to be honest, I gain nothing if I become the same type of person he is so while I'd like him to experience what I have been feeling, it's not a good idea to try I know.
Basically, he shows the classic push/pull scenarios. For example, we texted back and forth throughout the day for almost an entire week last week and then since Sunday I can't get him to respond to any of my texts or calls. During the time we were texting he was very involved, making me feel like he enjoys talking to me and all that jazz (again classic for a charmer). He's done this once before and there have been several times where we have made plans and something comes up on his end (either stuck at work or gets home late or is too tired etc etc). And no I'm not just being overcritical, there have been times where we make plans and then I've heard that he was actually out doing something else but he doesn't bother to cancel or let me know that he can't make it.
Another example: We had plans to go out last friday. He said he got of work an hour later than planned and wanted to go home and take a quick nap (this was around 8pm). I called him around 945 to see if he still wanted to go out and he didn't answer. I decided to drive to his house since we had originally planned on meeting there around 10-1030 anyway and he wasn't home. No cancellation, didn't answer my phone call and then wasn't home napping like he said he was. The next morning, he texted me around 9am saying "I just woke up" which is clearly a lie since he wasn't even home the night before. Just to give you an idea of what he does I guess.
I've learned from a mutual friend that he has done this to guys in the past and at one point a long time ago he was juggling 2 or 3 guys at the same time and when he was approached, he got really offended and denied everything and it almost ended the friendship completely. I guess the obvious answer is to cut things off completely and forget about him but I'm not sure I'm at a point where I can do that.
Have any of you guys had experience with something like this? Have you ever confronted the person successfully? I'm pretty sure if I bring this up he's going to explode like he did in the past and probably blame me or make me feel like it's somehow my fault or something (again, which is basically what a charmer would do). Honestly I'd like to give him a taste of his own medicine but I know I'll lose that fight because he has more experience doing it. And to be honest, I gain nothing if I become the same type of person he is so while I'd like him to experience what I have been feeling, it's not a good idea to try I know.
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