First gay relationship ... I Trully LOVE HIM

[Jonall]

Hello guys,

I'm coming here to ask you for a relationship advice.

Here it is.

Basically, I met this guy and I've been seeing him for 3 months now. When I met him he been really honest with me and I knew from the beginning that he had a bf.

The way he was with me and how we talked about it, freely and openly, I could see he was unhappy in that relationship, and in fact he had broken up with his bf 2 times already.

I had some fun with some guys before but what I feel for this guy is completely different. I have real and true feelings for him; I trust him to the point that that we done stuff that I never thought I'd be doing (and I actually enjoy it a lot).

How I come to be so happy in that relationship and at peace with myself, compared to when everytime before, when I was seeing and having fun with a guy, I felt bad, ashamed ...; I have no idea how that happened and no rational explanation, but it just happened.

Basically he broke up about 3 weeks ago with his bf, and this time it's for good. I told him that he can take all the time he needs to recover from that brake up (they been together for about 8 years). I don't want to loose him as I really LOVE HIM, more than anything.

We saw each other few days ago, and it was him asking to see me; we stil text each other, but not like a few weeks ago.

Do you think I should text him, even if he doesn't reply after a while and it feels like he wants to be left alone.

I wanna give him some space but not too sure how to play my cards here.

Thanks for your advices, guys,

Jon

[kindy64]

Contact him and see where it goes

[CorsacReborn]

Contact him if you want, but don't try and force any conversation that could indicate that you want a relationship. 8 years is massive for relationships these days and even if he seemed sad he is going to need time to get over this, rebound relationships rarely see it past the honeymoon period.

Unless this guy has said anything, you don't know that he feels the same for you as you have for him or he could love you but just as a friend. This guy needs to be back to 100% being himself before he should be considering any other relationships. Your wanting of this guy needs to be kept under wraps until he has the necessary time for him to pick himself back up, then maybe you could put yourself out there and make your feelings known to him.

Someone I worked with once told me that he would spend a year being single as a minimum between relationships, it meant that he could clear his mind and go into the relationship as someone that carries no baggage. I actually tried this myself after my last relationship and it has worked massively for me, time to gain some perspective did a lot for me on the relationship front.

[Beaux]

Hi Jon, welcome to the Forum.

Please feel free to disregard this post. Sometimes, people post threads of this nature just because they are SO happy to be in love that they aren't really asking for advise so much, as announcing to the world their Love. If that's the case, like I said, feel free to disregard.

The reason for the "warning" (lol), is that I tend to be rather blunt and people sometimes become offended. I don't mean to offend, but when I do give advice that has been requested, I answer in the way I would want someone to answer me. I hope that you will appreciate the non-sugar-coated reply.

So....Here are the "Red Flags" I see in your post:

Hello guys,
I'm coming here to ask you for a relationship advice.

...he been really honest with me and I knew from the beginning that he had a bf...

...(they been together for about 8 years)...

...I could see he was unhappy in that relationship...

...he had broken up with his bf 2 times already...

...he broke up (sic)...3 weeks ago with his bf, and this time it's for good...

We saw each other few days ago...

...we stil text each other, but not like a few weeks ago...

Do you think I should text him...?

Jon

I am not saying he is a "Bad Guy" (not saying he isn't one either, I don't know enough about him to say), but I do see the ~possibility~ that, if you don't look out for yourself, you could get seriously hurt. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. All I am saying, is that you really need to go into this with both eyes open.

You will be shouldering a great deal of emotional weight if you decide to proceed. ANY 8 year relationship, even (perhaps, especially) an AWFUL one, doesn't just vanish when it is over.

It took him and his partner 8 years to get to where they are now, it may evolve faster now that it has "crested the mountain" and is headed down-hill, but it is still going to be years before that journey is really over.

I am not even going to talk about how the sex-lives of the VAST majority of gay men, who are newly single after a protracted relationship, play themselves out the first few months after a break-up. You are an adult, you have to have thought about it already...

But, I WILL point out that, even if you were his first affair (which would seem to be the exception, rather than the rule), he still felt comfortable lying and deceiving the person that he (at some point) Loved more than anyone else. Which means, that (while he may Love you more than anyone else, now), he may very well do the exact same thing to you in the future.

I am not going to tell you that you shouldn't be with the guy. Only you can make that decision. I do encourage you, though, to take this VERY VERY slow and make sure you appreciate the implications:

1) Lets assume you are the first person he had an affair with. 8 years, with one person and he has only had the one affair--Odds are he is going to want to be single for a while, and quite possibly wants to sleep-around a bit before he decides to "settle down" again.

2)This time, let's pretend that you weren't the only affair. In that case, he made a habit of lying and deceiving his partner. Still not looking particularly good for you, Jon....

3) Trying another possibility, let's go with him being a "Good Guy who has Made Mistakes". Let's say that he has had other affairs, and it was those affairs that led to he and his partner splitting up 3 times. In that case, it ~really~ doesn't look good, because all 3 times he went back to his partner...

4) Add your own guesstimatimation on how his infidelity went down, the possibilities are virtually endless. There is only one possibility that I DON'T see: That he and his partner were in an open relationship and, without that, the specter of deception is always going to hang around.

Obviously, I don't know how it went between those two men, but 8 years is a long time, and no matter ~what~ he has told you, I guarantee that you don't REALLY know everything that went on either.

Best of Luck!
~Beaux

[Jonall]

Hey Beaux,

I was surprised to see this post as I wasn't expecting it to be published anytime soon as it said I needed at least 50 posts contribution for that.

Anyway.

I appreciate your message and I know you have some valid points. I thought about many of them since I started dating him, but no matter I try to think about it, I can't get away from the fact that my feelings for him are getting stronger and stronger days after days.

I saw him last week and we had a talk about all this, and what he told me was as you said, he will need, time to get back on his feels and rebuild himself and found again a stability and is not, most likely ready for a relationship right away (that was in similar terms he said that).

I completely understand that, and don't want to push him by being there too much, so want to give him his meting, privacy ...

I'd rather he initiate the contacts, when he wants that we see each other's ...

He text me sometimes after a day or two and I reply.
I wonder if I text him too much, if he wouldn't see that as I would be invading his privacy, which he needs

It's crazy, but in al things I do, I see or think about him; like today, I was at some training course, for something I am passionate about, and in anything we were talking about with the instructor, my mind, or part of it was on a little side road, seeing him.

Anyway. Thanks for your input, guys.

Jon

[TwisttheLeaf]

I don't really have a lot of experience in this area.

I would say that your guy isn't ready for another relationship from the sounds of it. I dunno... if he knows you're interested in a relationship, I think that's about all you can do right now. [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] advice seems sound to me.

[Jonall]

Yeah, that's also what I think and feel.

Even if it feel hard to be in that position; even more difficult for him; I trust him so much that I'll give it time, see how it goes

[Darius]

You got caught in the middle of someone's messy life and now you are likely to be hurt and anxious.
You know how you feel about him, you just don't know he feels about you. He probably doesn't even know that. Don't swamp him with messages but don't ignore him, either.

Just send him an occasional picture of your wiener to remind him of what he is missing. Just kidding!!!!!
Or am I???

Beaux gives good advice.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hello guys,

I'm coming here to ask you for a relationship advice.

Here it is.

Basically, Blah blah blah, yada yada yada
Thanks for your advices, guys,

Jon

No. And no and no.

there are stages to love. Google it. you two are in the first stage.

Wait a while, let time tell you if you really, truly love him and if he really truly loves you.

What you fail to fear here is he easily dumped his BF for you, what makes you think you are immune to his ability to dump a fella for another?

Has he died for you? Did you die for him? No - you two met,, had sex, whatever.

Love is not measured in short spans of time or simple deeds. It is measured by long term honesty, and the ability to stick to what you got no matter how hard the road is.

I'm not seeing it here. I see a short passionate love affair (love as in sex).

come back in two years and let us know what is going on and if you two really love each other. Then we can begin to weed out some of the love from sex.

[Jonall]

A little update, guys.

We still text each other, everything other days; sometimes he actually text me on WhatsApp, spontaneously.

I still wonder if I should, once in a while give him a call to see if he's all right. Or should I ask him if it's OK to call him first? Or not call at all?

I still think about him so much; like on Saturday, I was watching the film All over the Guy

All most cried when watching it